TWO-MINUTE DRILL

Baltimore 44, San Francisco 6: The last Baltimore team to score this many points in consecutive games was led by Elvin Hayes.

Philadelphia 25, Carolina 16: Just imagine how good Eagles would be without such an overrated quarterback.

Chicago 28, Arizona 3: Emmitt Smith ran for minus-three yards. At this rate, his career rushing yardage title is in jeopardy.

Houston 17, Atlanta 13: Vick is back. Ram fans remind Falcon fans that Jack Youngblood played in a Super Bowl on a broken leg.

Buffalo 24, N.Y. Giants 7: Excuse me, Mr. Fassel? Yes, the Home for Unemployed Coaches is on the line with their pricing plan.

Cincinnati 24, Pittsburgh 20: And Mr. Cowher? They’re offering a group rate if you’d like to room with Mr. Fassel.

St. Louis 48, Minnesota 17: Good news all around, as the still-on-strike Kurt Warner received a job offer from Stater Bros.

New England 38, Indianapolis 34: At least Peyton Manning can brag to his brother that he didn’t trip on the key fourth-down play.

New Orleans 24, Washington 20: Confused Spurrier worried these losses will hurt him during recruiting season.

Denver 22, Oakland 8: Callahan calls Raiders the “dumbest team in America.” And that would make the coach, what exactly?

Kansas City 28, San Diego 24: Disappointed Flutie considers role in Will Ferrell sequel, “Elf II.”

Seattle 34, Cleveland 7: Matt Hasselbeck has come into his own as a quarterback, plus he drives that cool talking car.

Jacksonville 17, Tampa Bay 10: This is the worst title defense since Hollywood Hogan took on Sting at Starrcade 1997.

Tennessee at N.Y. Jets, tonight, 6, Ch. 7: In an odd move, Curtis Martin jams at halftime with Zamfir, master of the pan flute.

-- Houston Mitchell