Dodgers Are Familiar With Non-Qualifiers

Just returned from Vegas with a bunch of losers, you know the wife, daughters and the bagger, which prepared me for my first assignment Monday, a visit with the Dodgers.

In fact there was a wonderful moment Saturday night in Las Vegas when the whole family was together, slumped over a casino bar charging drinks to my hotel room while counting down the final 71 minutes until midnight when everyone would become ATM-cash eligible again, when I first mentioned the Dodgers.

I believe it was the younger daughter who was crying, it probably dawning on her for the first time who she was going to be marrying, when I pointed out there is always someone worse off, like the Dodgers for example, who haven’t won anything since 1988.

You could even make the argument the Dodgers are the best thing going for Greater Los Angeles when it comes to fostering good mental health. When you take into consideration the Angels have just won the World Series, the Dodgers haven’t won a playoff game since 1988 and one of their big off-season moves is a trade for Todd Hundley, who will make $6 million this season for regularly striking out -- in comparison, the rest of the world has it made.

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MOST TEAMS are optimistic now, but when I asked what the Dodgers’ chances are for success, Dan Evans, who is supposed to be the team’s resident baseball expert in his role as general manager, said he’s clueless. Keep in mind that Evans is the guy who just traded for Hundley, so you can’t say he’s lying.

“I’ll make a prediction on how well we’re going to do at some point to my personal friends,” Evans said. “But you’re a non-qualifier when it comes to being one of my personal friends.”

I wonder what the qualifications are to be one of Evans’ personal friends? I should check with Hundley, because you know there’s no way Evans could authorize paying $6 million to a catcher who can’t throw anyone out unless he’s a personal friend, future son-in-law or a blackmailer.

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BRIAN JORDAN made it pretty clear a year ago while yelling at me in the middle of the Dodger clubhouse I will never qualify as his personal friend either. “Don’t ever talk to me again,” screamed Jordan.

So I went to Jordan on Monday and talked to him. I was curious about his “I hate L.A.” campaign and demand to be traded. I wanted to know why he was here for a workout that wasn’t mandatory when he doesn’t really want to be here at all.

He said I had it all wrong, which goes to show you we should talk more.

He said he has rescinded his demand to be traded, he’s comfortable now, a happy man, 20 pounds lighter, recovered from knee surgery and ready to be a big contributor to the Dodger cause. I guess that means he has decided to have two good months this season rather than just play well in September.

I mentioned that, because you never know when I’ll get the chance to talk to him again, and I also said I was sick and tired of him being described as a team leader when he’s the first one heading for the freeways after a loss. He said, “I’m human,” which at least separates him from Kevin Brown, and he then began joking as if there was nothing I could say to make him upset.

I thought about calling him a “big stiff,” but that name is kind of reserved for Clipper center Michael Olowokandi. Instead I told him I’d be talking to him on a regular basis this season, and let me tell you, that wiped the silly grin off his face.

“Listen, I made the decision [to rescind the trade demand] because I like the things Dan Evans has done to improve this team,” Jordan said, and I think I said something like “you’re clueless,” which I guess qualifies him to be one of Evans’ personal friends. “If our pitchers get healthy -- look out.”

I’ve seen how hard the ball has been hit off of a healthy Darren Dreifort, so that would be good advice to anyone sitting in the right-field pavilion: “Look out.”

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BOTH EVANS and Manager Jim Tracy made a big deal Monday out of the team’s 92 victories last season. “And you didn’t think much of us last year,” Evans cracked.

I hope I wasn’t the first one to tell him what really counts is making the playoffs, but if it helps the team in the long run to readjust its goals, I’ll feel better about my little January visit with the losers.

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FROM WHAT I can tell, the only Dodger improvement to date has been the interview technique employed by KCAL’s John Ireland, who preceded each question to Tracy by saying, “Give me the short answer ... “ Tracy has been known to talk for hours while saying nothing, so this new technique might free reporters to spend more quality time with Brown.

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CLIPPER GENERAL Manager Elgin Baylor said he is not making a coaching change, but when the GM starts watching videotape with the head coach and talking to the team, the change has already been made.

Coach Alvin Gentry, who put the Clippers back in the public spotlight the last two years, has been hamstrung by team injuries and immature players, who have allowed owner Donald Sterling’s stingy ways to affect their performances.

Gentry deserves better, but isn’t that the legacy of most coaches and players sentenced to hard time with the Clippers?

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TODAY’S LAST word comes in e-mail from Peter Bernhardt:

“Now that USC has kicked Iowa’s butt, you should shut up.”

And miss out on all the clever, smart repartee with Trojan fans? (Don’t be embarrassed -- just ask someone with a UCLA degree what repartee means.)

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T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com.