Count On This Ref to Cop Attitude

NBA referee Bob Delaney, who will be profiled on the next edition of HBO’s “Real Sports,” used to do undercover police work.

Of an on-court encounter with Shaquille O’Neal, Delaney says, “Shaq is walking out to the jump ball, he turns around and comes walking over to me and says, ‘I want you to get me a job as an FBI agent.’

“And I said, ‘You would be excellent on surveillance. I’ll be sure to make that call. Now would you mind going and doing the jump ball so we can get this game going?’ ”

Trivia time: What is the UCLA team record for points scored in a basketball game?

Strange news values: Mike Piazza’s refusal to talk to reporters about the brawl that resulted from his charging Dodger pitcher Guillermo Mota prompted Jeff Miller of the Miami Herald to write:

“That’s how bizarre this stuff can become. Here is a guy who once called a news conference to announce he isn’t gay refusing to answer a single question about a fight.”

Focused: Roy Jones Jr. on a debate over which gloves would be worn for his recent fight against John Ruiz:

“I kept my focus on the fight. I didn’t care if they told me to wear O.J.’s gloves.”

Good thinking: Former Minnesota Gov. Jesse Ventura, talking to ESPN about running for president:

“There would never be an assassination attempt on me. You know why? ... Charles Barkley is going to be my vice president, and rest assured, nobody is going to shoot me to put Charles in as president.”

Still loved: The Phoenix Suns are trying to repair their relationship with Barkley. So someone put this message on two empty courtside seats at America West Arena on Thursday night: “Reserved for Chuck.”

Poor timing: Jack Nicklaus, who turned 63 in January, told the Golf Channel in a taped interview that will be shown on Monday’s “Golf Talk” program, “I’ve got six, seven years of not really playing golf, or always being hurt. Now I feel pretty darn good, and here I am, too old to play.”

Golf joke: A woman whose husband has just died goes into the local newspaper office to get an obituary published. The obit editor informs her there is a charge of 50 cents a word. She reflects and says, “Make it read, ‘Bob Smith died.’ ”

Amused at the woman’s thrift, the editor tells her there is a seven-word minimum. After thinking it over, she says, “Let it read, ‘Bob Smith died. Golf clubs for sale.’ ”

Exuberant: Coach Ron Hunter of Indiana Purdue Indianapolis punctuated his team’s victory over Valparaiso, which clinched an NCAA tournament berth for IPIU, by belly-flopping at midcourt.

This is the same Ron Hunter who once broke his leg, stamping on the floor, during a game against Youngstown State.

Trivia answer: UCLA defeated Loyola Marymount, 149-98, on Dec. 2, 1990, at Pauley Pavilion.

And finally: Says Mike Bianchi of the Orlando Sentinel: “The NBA East is the basketball equivalent of the NASCAR Craftsman Truck Series.”

-- Larry Stewart