Humans Virtually in Second Place Now

I was thinking of having some virtual friends drop by over the holidays. Not real friends, mind you, but people who are sort of like friends. Christmas may not be nearly as much fun with people I hardly know, but times being what they are ....

Let’s hope they like virtual ham.

The thought of replacing the real things with facsimiles never would have occurred to me until reading a story about a Broadway musical that opened Tuesday night at the Orange County Performing Arts Center. “Oliver!” will be backed by an electronic “orchestra,” called a Sinfonia, that uses a cool technology to imitate instrumentation. About a dozen “live” musicians will play, less than half the number that might be needed to fully back the musical.

I say it wouldn’t have occurred to me, but then, it’s been years since I saw Stanley Kubrick’s “2001: A Space Odyssey.”

A quick trip to an “Odyssey” website reminded me that Kubrick long ago contemplated the possibilities of the modern age. Such as when a BBC interviewer in the film questions our old friend HAL 9000 the computer.

“HAL, you have an enormous responsibility on this mission; in many ways, perhaps the greatest responsibility of any single mission element. ... Does this ever cause you any lack of confidence?”

HAL: “Let me put it this way. The 9000 series is the most reliable computer ever made. No 9000 computer has ever made a mistake or distorted information. We are all, by any practical definition of the words, foolproof and incapable of error.”

As “Odyssey” buffs may recall, HAL professed to love working with humans, potentially flawed as they might be. And why not; he was programmed to be like them.

That makes him almost a person. Doesn’t it?

On the webpage , a reviewer named Tim Dirks describes HAL as having “anthropomorphic, human-mimicking qualities: a glowing, watchful red eye with which he connects to the world, and a rich, pleasant TV announcer’s voice ... “

He’s a Sinfonia!

Jerry Mandel, president of the arts center, bemoans the need to use the electronic orchestra, but says it goes with the territory these days. Broadway shows are expensive, and its producers are looking for ways to save money. So an arts center that wants the show gets the Sinfonia, too.

Mandel is an arts lover and a good guy, so I believe him. But he could have added that much of society is virtual these days.

Bank tellers lost jobs when ATMs came along. Companies now using automated message systems once had real people answering the telephones.

And since we’re on the subject, you can have an “experience” with a real person on your home computer without ever leaving the sofa. No touching, but it’s the next best thing. Or so I’ve read.

When you think about it, that popular slogan from a TV commercial sums up much of life in our new age of wonder: “The next best thing to being there.”

Talented musicians are but the latest member of the species on the endangered list. Local players say they’ll picket the Orange County production, but I fear they’ll find that today’s theatergoers have grown so accustomed to replicas in other walks of life that, instead of raising the roof in protest of Sinfonia, they’ll react with all the outrage of the HAL 9000.

Once indispensable, humans have learned in the last generation that they must know their place. It’s a painful lesson, but that’s progress.

So you see how it’s not so far-fetched to invite virtual friends over for the holidays? Consider the potential for savings.

But in keeping with the Christmas spirit, after dinner you could all go out caroling.

Virtual caroling, that is.

Dana Parsons’ column appears Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays. He can be reached at (714) 966-7821 or at dana.parsons@latimes.com. An archive of his recent columns is at www.latimes.com/parsons.