The Fender-Bender as Poetic Justice

The police log of the Seal Beach Sun reported that a driver spat upon another during a parking dispute, but the victim may have gleaned a bit of satisfaction afterward. The newspaper said the spitter “hit a tree as he was pulling out of the parking lot.”

Travel advisory: For those venturing up to Carmel, take note of the fact that dress in town is formal, judging from a police log item Marvin Chandler spotted in a local newspaper (see accompanying).

Turning to our nudist file: Alden Loomis chanced upon a Home Depot catalog that, with no hint of shame at all, advertised naked fruit (see accompanying).

Unclear on the concept: Norman Stevens of Ventura sent along an ad about maids whose origins are unclear (see accompanying). (No, I don’t know what they wear.)

Annals of strange crimes: The Beach Reporter said a South Bay car owner reported that an “unknown subject used a device to launch a whole potato at the vehicle, striking the mirror.”

An item that refuses to die: I innocently mentioned that “Who’s buried in Grant’s Tomb?” was a tongue-in-cheek consolation question on the old Groucho Marx TV quiz show, and readers mounted a Pickett’s charge against me.

“The correct answer ... is not ‘Grant,’ ” said Jim Elder. “No fair looking up the answer.”

No danger of that. Elder is unaware of my distaste for research.

The answer: Fortunately, Ray Uhler also wrote, informing me: “No one is buried in Grant’s Tomb -- Grant is entombed in Grant’s Tomb.”

Well, I’m glad we settled that.

No we didn’t! Antonio Cervantes wrote that, as a matter of fact, Grant and his wife, Julia, are both buried -- excuse me, entombed -- in Grant’s Tomb. Cervantes said this is a trick question on a Mensa test. “Please feel consoled,” he added. “Many people get this question wrong.”

But I didn’t get it wrong! I only said the question was asked on Groucho’s show (and he always accepted “Grant” -- never asking which one -- as the correct answer).

It’s true, however, that I’m no Mensan, though I once was offered membership in Densa, a group that parodies the high IQ folks.

We’re not through with Grant yet? “Shouldn’t the tomb be referred to as Grants’ Tomb?” asked Marvin Petal. If Marvin hadn’t sent me so many fine items over the years, I would say something nasty.

(OK, OK, I checked and found a photo of a sign at the site that identifies it as Grant’s Tomb, singular.)

This weekend, may I rest in peace.

miscelLAny: For the Mondegreen of the Day, Alex Ferguson of Buena Park wrote: “While reading your recent discussion of the Lord’s Prayer, I was reminded that when my son Zach was 6 or 7, I sat at his bedside and listened as he began, ‘Our Father, who art in Heaven, that will be my name.... ‘ Quite ambitious.”