What Happens When Inattentive Suspect Meets Immovable Object

I can’t let 2004 pass away without recounting this stupid criminal trick, first mentioned in the Star News, an L.A. County sheriff’s publication: A driver stopped in Malibu on suspicion of drunk driving jumped out of his car and raced across Pacific Coast Highway.

“The deputies watched in amazement as the guy negotiated his way across the busy highway, being narrowly missed by several vehicles,” said the publication.

“Then, when it looked like he would surely be hit by a car doing about 50 mph, he assumed his best Heisman Trophy pose and actually stiff-armed the side of the car as it passed him. Without breaking stride, he continued running blindly into the night.” There was, however, one obstacle ahead.

It was so dark, the magazine said, the suspect “apparently didn’t see the mountain directly in his path. He ran face-first into the immovable object, nearly knocking himself unconscious.”

Weighty topic: Long Beach has been ranked the 20th-fattest city in the nation by Men’s Fitness magazine, which should come as no surprise when you consider that the publication also found that Long Beach has the second-most doughnut shops per capita.

Long Beach must have the happiest cops, though.

Speaking of sweet teeth: Ed Stalcup noticed a new type of dental practice (see photo).

More food for thought: In his year-end review, columnist David Allen of the Inland Valley Daily Bulletin cited the case of an owner and employees of an Upland pizza parlor who were arrested for selling marijuana from the restaurant. Noted Allen: “Pot and pizza sold by the same business? OK, it’s illegal, but it’s a brilliant concept: one-stop shopping for potheads with the munchies.”

Moving on to another type of grass: Doug Stokes of Duarte noticed an ad published by a gardener who apparently is skilled at sneaking up on weeds (see accompanying).

Here’s the weather: Mother Nature has been pretty wild lately. But L.A. has seen more extreme conditions. Tuesday will mark the 56th anniversary of the last time it snowed downtown: Jan. 11, 1949 (see photo).

This is definitely a snow month. The other time the white stuff fell on L.A. during the 20th century was Jan. 15, 1932.

Now to the freeways ... : Some of the most colorful descriptions of driving conditions in these parts can be found on license plates.

The other day I spotted a plate that read GRDLCK, which would seem like a redundancy if its owner is ever on the 405 during rush hour. It reminded me of another plate in the SigAlert genre: PCHCLSD.

Then there are the freeway commentaries, such as one Valley commuter’s HTED 101, not to be confused with another, 101H8R.

One of my long-ago favorites was GDDM 405. I remember calling the DMV in 1991 after hearing of it and being told by a staffer, “Oh, I don’t think that one would be allowed.” She checked anyway, and said, “There it is -- an ’89 Toyota truck. I don’t see how that one slipped through the cracks.” Alas, GDDM 405 is no longer listed by the DMV, its owner perhaps having been driven (so to speak) out of the state by the darn traffic.

miscelLAny: Novelist John Morgan Wilson spotted a vanity plate that “is quintessentially L.A.: HUSTLA.” Added Wilson: “The owner apparently isn’t too good a hustla -- the plate was on an older Honda that needed washing.”