Ask the Critic: Carina Chocano

Question: Studio executives are forever sending notes to writers offering their suggestions for improving movie scripts. As a critic, it must be easy to spot these in the finished product. What’s the hallmark of the dreaded “studio script note” in, say, a romantic comedy?

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Chocano: Having informally and quite unprofessionally polled one or two romantic-comedy writers on the subject, I can now confirm my worst fears. The old lady who raises the roof at the party -- you know, the one who grabs the mike at the wedding reception and starts rapping inappropriately? Studio note. Other faves (and suggestions) include:

1) “Can we make her ...

... more likable?

... work with animals?

... work with old people?

... work with kids?

... have a precocious kid?

... have a dead mother?

... have a dead mother and lots of younger siblings to take care of?

... have a dead mother, lots of siblings, a dad and a dog to take care of?

... klutzier?

... have allergies or some other ailment that makes her sneeze?”

2) “Can we make him ...

... more likable?

... have a sexy hobby, like racing motorcycles or playing pool really, really well?

... more of a ladies’ man?

... everybody’s pal?

... a really fast driver?

... also a pilot who can make dinner for his girlfriend?”

3) “I love how the characters realize that they’re better off on their own in the end, but can we just switch it so that they end up together?”

4) “Can there be a big speech at the end? You know, where, like, Matthew Perry stands up at the museum opening and confesses to all his past mistakes and declares his love, and everybody applauds but the girl, who has already left?”

5) “Can we include a chase scene, like, through the park or something?”

6) “Can we make that in the rain? That would be awesome.”

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