Think You Are Savvy About the Election?

Forgive me readers, for I have sinned.

On many occasions, with malice aforethought, I have pummeled Angelenos for turning their backs on civic duty. But with this campaign for mayor of Los Angeles, it’s hard to blame them.

Mailboxes and airwaves have been filled with bile, and on a daily basis I get harangues from the combatants.

“Return Mark Abrams’ Dirty Money to the Victims,” reads a missive from Councilman Antonio Villaraigosa’s camp.

And Mayor James K. Hahn’s boys shoot back: “Hahn Asks Villaraigosa to Truthfully Explain Why He Voted Against Bill to Toughen Penalties on Child Abusers Who Kill.”

Maybe Villaraigosa got campaign donations from child abusers who kill.

Still, we’ve got to find the strength to drag ourselves to the polls on Tuesday. For those of you who’ve tuned out entirely, here’s a multiple-choice refresher to bring you up to speed and remind you of the importance of civic duty:

1. In national, state and local elections, it’s good to throw the bums out now and then because:

A: Fresh ideas are always welcome.

B: We have to let politicians know who’s in charge.

C: It’s time for a new set of crooks.

2. When it comes to municipal corruption, Los Angeles:

A: Is clean as a whistle.

B: Is in the minor leagues.

C: Could kick Chicago’s butt halfway to New York.

3. In Los Angeles, you’ve really struck it rich if you:

A: Have a screenplay aimed at the right demographic.

B: Invested in real estate 10 years ago.

C: Know somebody on the airport commission.

4. An L.A. mayor’s primary function is to:

A: Instill trust and leadership.

B: Keep hope alive.

C: Ignore the San Fernando Valley.

D: Always keep a safe distance from his bag men.

5. Mayor James Hahn’s nickname is:

A: Crazy Legs.

B: Mr. Saturday Night.

C: Slim Jim.

6. Hahn often does the town in the company of:

A: J. Lo.

B: S. Lo.

C: Laura Chick.

D: His sister, Janice.

7. In a rare performance in the heat of the campaign, Hahn did the following dance at Tolliver’s Barber Shop:

A: The bossa nova.

B: The funky chicken.

C: The Slauson shuffle.

8. In high school, Hahn was:

A: The star quarterback.

B: Uncommonly interested in potholes.

C: Asleep.

D: A member of the pep squad.

9. The name Villaraigosa is pronounced:

A: Vee-ya-ga-rosa.

B: Vig-a-la-rosa.

C: Vira-la-gosa.

D: Don’t know.

10. Despite his harping on school reform, Villaraigosa’s attendance record at meetings of the City Council education committee (on which he sits) could be characterized as:

A: Never missed a one.

B: Called in sick a couple times.

C: Blew off nearly half of them.

11. Despite his harping on traffic relief, Hahn’s attendance record at meetings of the MTA Executive Management and Audit Committee (on which he sits) could be characterized as:

A: Was always first to arrive.

B: Got stuck in traffic now and then.

C: Blew off more than one-third of them.

12. At the current rate, Hahn’s program to install new left-turn lanes will significantly relieve congestion:

A: By the end of the week.

B: When his children are grandparents.

C: When the trees on the City Hall lawn are petrified.

13. Villaraigosa and Bob Hertzberg were roommates while members of the state Assembly. They broke up because:

A: Villaraigosa snored.

B: Hertzberg had bears on his pajamas.

C: Hertzberg got tired of watching Villaraigosa take credit for Hertzberg’s ideas.

D: Sacramento’s wild nightlife came between them.

14. After giving Hahn a well-deserved beating for what he saw as pay-to-play politics, Villaraigosa pocketed donations from Floridians whose boss used to have an LAX concession contract. Asked to explain why Floridians would send him money, Villaraigosa said (just before he returned the loot):

A: They liked his smile.

B: Hard to tell one palm tree from another.

C: No hablo ingles.

D: Florida believes the Hahn administration is adrift.

15. Hahn is behind in the polls, but he can still win if:

A: The City Hall corruption probe doesn’t produce any indictments between now and Tuesday.

B: He gets caught in the back seat of a car with a stripper.

C: He has persuaded enough voters he’s a trustworthy conservative and that Villaraigosa’s deputy mayors will include gangbangers and child killers.

D: All of the above.

16. Villaraigosa will breeze to victory if:

A: White voters embrace a new day.

B: Latino voters forget that he ignored them.

C: The outcome isn’t based on big ideas.

D: All of the above.

17. Best reason to vote in the mayoral election:

A: Takes less time than ordering a latte.

B: You can be the only one on your block.

C: No threat of insurgent attacks.

D: If we double the 26% turnout in the March mayoral race, we’ll be closing in on the voter turnout in Iraq.

Answer key: If you didn’t pick the last answer to every question, perhaps you should stay home on Tuesday after all.

Reach the columnist at steve.lopez@latimes.com and read previous columns at www.latimes.com/lopez.