It’s Not Too Late to Be Queen of a Parade

Rejected Rose Queen contenders, take note. Tryouts for the equally prestigious post of queen of the Nov. 20 Doo Dah Parade are at hand. (For information, call (626)440-7379). I should add that, while Doo Dah officials aren’t picky, they do prefer the applicants to be alive. A few years ago, the ashes of a deceased woman were presented to the selection panel in an urn by her husband. She was proclaimed, instead, Lily, Queen of the Hereafter.

Unreal estate: Of one Internet listing she spotted (see accompanying), Gloria Avila of Whittier asked: “Can I ask for a clean kitchen or is this a new decorating trend?”

Ooh la la: Kit Hope of Garden Grove chanced upon a bedroom set that sounded kinky (see accompanying).

Thanks, but... “Seeing in the dark -- that’s impressive,” Pasadena’s Jason Daly said of an ad he found (see accompanying). “But the hearing I think I’ve got covered without any mechanical assistance.”

Such a deal: Melissa Ryan of Gardena passed by a store where you’d do well to read the small print (see accompanying).

Which reminds me: The 99 Cents Only chain claims a Florida company, 99 Cent Supercenter, has copied its trademark logo. The two firms, reported the L.A. Business Journal, use the same slogan:

“Open 9 a.m. to 9 p.m., 9 days a week!” I bring this up in order to beg readers -- who send me clippings of that slogan eight or nine times a week -- not to bother. It’s a joke.

It’s easy to mock the Rock: Sylvester Stallone, 60, is planning a “Rocky VI” -- I’m not making this up -- prompting comic David Letterman to offer 10 reasons why the actor’s too old for this nonsense. In case you missed them, here are a few:

* “The only thing ‘Rocky’ about him are his kidney stones.”

* “Instead of getting knocked out, Rocky keeps lying down for a nap.”

* “Constantly complaining ‘Rocky’ theme is too loud.”

* “Opponent in ‘Rocky VI’ is a guy with a cloak and a scythe.”

* “Keeps getting asked out by Anna Nicole Smith.”

miscelLAny: My note to horror movie fans that October is Chainsaw Safety Awareness Month brought this from Lee Harris of Burbank: “As usual, there is an authentic Hollywood movie to go with one of your items. The classic ‘Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers’ (1988) ran ads that said: ‘They charge an arm and a leg.’ ”

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES, Ext. 77083, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012, and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.