A Bahamas resort that takes you away

NO other hotel is marketed, to my mind, with such advertising fanfare and bombast as Atlantis on Paradise Island in Nassau, Bahamas.

“Welcome to the lost world of Atlantis,” desk staff members say as they check you into a property that’s unusual and outsized in every sense. It has 2,917 guest rooms spread over 171 acres, 35 restaurants and eateries, a water park, casino and sea-life exhibits featuring more specimens than any other man-made, open-air marine habitat in the world. And a major expansion of the resort next spring promises to add more bells and whistles.

But the pricey Atlantis is not for everyone. If you enjoy the family-friendly fun of a Disney theme park or the atmosphere and activities offered aboard a cruise ship, it might be the perfect island resort for you. It is not ideal, however, for those who wish to dabble in the local culture or get a sense of genuine island life: Nassau is a 30-minute walk across a long bridge.

Duplicating my experience of several years ago, a friend recently tried to find a quiet spot to make a phone call and failed. There’s no escape from the constant noise: giant shells splattering endless streams of water into pools; bleeps and dings in the casino; a din of sounds of all sorts amplified by oversized halls, lobbies and atria. Speakers are hidden in all the bushes, so even if you find a stretch of walkway away from the crowds and pool-area splashing, you’re still surrounded by piped-in music.

Also, attempts to walk from one part of the property to another can be confusing, because the twisting pathways often end at small terraces overlooking a lagoon -- lovely, but not when you want to make a beeline for the pool or beach. The resort seems designed to route you past its shops and dining areas.

As at many resorts, the average guest hemorrhages money at every turn. The ample buffet breakfast at Marketplace costs $25 per person. At lunchtime, a soda and a slice of pizza at the take-out joint in Marina Village cost $9.

On the plus side, if you’re willing to buy into the experience and accept the contrived atmosphere and isolation from the real Bahamas, there’s plenty to do.

Those 35 dining options include high-end Nobu and all-American fare at Starbucks, Jamba Juice and Johnny Rockets burger joint in the faux Marina Village off the yacht harbor. There’s a daily raft of classes and activities if you’re looking to do more than just loaf by the pool. Which brings me to the point where Atlantis really shines: its water-park rides and ocean-life exhibits. The water elements at the resort are impressive: a collective 1,150 feet of waterfalls and 20 million gallons constantly circulating through 11 lagoons housing more than 50,000 live ocean creatures from 250 species.

All this is best shown off from two underwater viewing tunnels: one through the Predator Lagoon surrounded by cruising sharks, the other a hokey trip through an imaginary archeological dig that brings Atlantis back to light. There’s also a seven-acre water park, which will expand to 63 acres in January. Also opening next year will be Dolphin Cay, built to house a pod of dolphins rescued after Hurricane Katrina destroyed their Gulfport, Miss., aquarium.

This is part of a massive expansion of the resort that will, by March, add 600 luxury suites to the property in the form of the Cove Tower, see an expansion of the Mandara Spa and reopen two beautiful beaches.

Generally speaking, Atlantis rates -- $230 to $675 per night -- are not for budget travelers. But a holiday package, available until Dec. 25, offers a three-night stay for $199 per person, double occupancy. For more info, call (800) ATLANTIS (285-2684), or see www.atlantis.com.