Back East, the Pistons Lead the Charade

No, really, the East is back, or at least a 15th of it.

As for the rest, it’s like Mark Twain, only backward. Reports of its rebirth have been greatly exaggerated.

The West isn’t what it was, but it doesn’t have any teams 10 games under .500 and thinking they’re still in the playoff race. There have been three elite teams all season and the West has two, San Antonio and Dallas, with Phoenix, getting Amare Stoudemire back, in position to join them.

Meanwhile, the East has the Detroit Pistons, who lead the conference by 9 1/2 games and their division by 15 1/2 , because none of the other projected rising powers has arisen.

Maybe next season, or decade.

Detroit -- Not the most talented, easily the most cohesive. So tough-minded, they could play for three coaches in four seasons, ignore coups and desertions and take the best each had to offer. With Chauncey Billups and Rip Hamilton taking it up another level under Coach Flip Saunders, they’re better than their last two teams, which won a title and lost in Game 7 of the Finals.

Miami -- Shaquille O’Neal’s return galvanized the Heat, but he was 32 going on 37 and that was two birthdays ago. Coach Pat Riley just called Dwyane Wade “the most unique player” he has ever coached, noting, “You’ve got to put the ball in his hands” -- suggesting Riley now realizes Shaq’s limitations. O’Neal skipped last week’s win at Minnesota because of a sore wrist -- or to rest up -- then scored a respectable 27 the next night in Detroit against single coverage, fading as the Pistons rallied came from 12 behind to win, scoring two baskets in the fourth quarter, both on rebounds.

The Heat should get another shot in the East finals, but the Pistons have been single-covering Shaq since the 2004 Finals, leaving everyone else free to help on Kobe Bryant or the “most unique” player Riley ever coached.

New Jersey -- Jason Kidd, Vince Carter and Richard Jefferson sounded explosive, but this is actually an old-style, Phil Jackson-type, clock-running, half-court team that’s No. 23 in scoring. Unfortunately, Carter isn’t inclined to carry them, a la Michael Jordan or Kobe.

Cleveland -- After all their moves, it’s still just the LeBron James Show. Larry Hughes was lost, although Flip Murray has been almost as good. Donyell Marshall, a 40% three-point shooter the last two seasons, is at 31.5%. Damon Jones is a bust, averaging 6.3 points. Drew Gooden, a soon-to-be free agent with more talent than clues, is on his way out. And now their cap room is gone.

Indiana -- Reggie Miller may have been old, but he was their heart and soul. Ron Artest may have been a disaster, but he was their bravado. Now, Jermaine O’Neal has to show he can take them somewhere.

Washington -- Gilbert Arenas, who’s still making quantum leaps, Antawn Jamison and Caron Butler, replacing Hughes, average 66 points, tops for any three-man tandem. Problem remains the No. 23 defense, with soft big men Brendan Haywood and Jared Jeffries starting.

Milwaukee -- Their fastbreak hasn’t been the same since backup point guard Mo Williams, their second-best player after Michael Redd, suffered an ankle injury. Andrew Bogut remains an afterthought, getting 7.1 shots a game.

Philadelphia -- Allen Iverson doesn’t pass and Chris Webber can’t guard, but with Andre Iguodala, Kyle Korver, John Salmons and Samuel Dalembert, making the playoffs shouldn’t be an issue.

If they had known how ineffectual Jim O’Brien and Mo Cheeks, two of their five coaches in four seasons, would be, they’d have kept Chris Ford. They’ve already shopped Iverson, so unless things pick up, it’s just a matter of who goes first, A.I., Cheeks or General Manager Billy King.

Chicago -- Hard-bitten Coach Scott Skiles says they don’t have the “same amount of fight.” Unfortunately, they don’t have the same number of players, either, after deciding it was too risky to keep Eddy Curry.

On a 35-win pace, down from last season’s 47, they’re expected to try to package Ben Gordon and the Knick No. 1 pick they got for Curry for a scorer such as Paul Pierce, as opposed to more little scrappers.

Boston -- Everybody has been waiting to low-ball them with trade offers for Pierce, but GM Danny Ainge, who wanted to start over, has taken so much flak, he may no longer have the nerve.

Pierce has come a long way under Coach Doc Rivers, who reined him in after years of running free. Because it wasn’t remotely good enough, the question is whether either will be back.

Toronto -- What seemed a lost cause has been stabilized. GM Rob Babcock’s young team rebounded -- after he was fired -- going 22-23 after a 4-20 start. Bryan Colangelo is now in charge, but everything still depends on getting Chris Bosh to sign an extension this summer.

Orlando -- Grant Hill spent most of yet another season on the injured list, and there went the neighborhood yet again. They’re starting over again around Dwight Howard. Might be good to actually accomplish something before he’s up for an extension in 2007.

Charlotte -- Their projected lineup played 11 games, and it wasn’t that good in the first place. Franchise player Emeka Okafor regressed before getting hurt. With tepid attendance in his new arena, Washington-based owner Bob Johnson may dump President Ed Tapscott and/or Coach-GM Bernie Bickerstaff. Tubby Smith talk continues.

Atlanta -- Their basic season. Members of a splintered new ownership group sued each other. Young players weren’t ready. Second-best player Al Harrington, a free agent, is on his way out.

New York -- When does the NBA invoke the Ted Stepien Rule and take over? This is either the league’s Comedy Central or a carcass left to rot in the middle of the nation’s media capital. With impossible contracts such as Penny Hardaway’s expiring deal, which was supposed to be so valuable, they couldn’t even get a role player for Larry Brown, who feuded with Stephon Marbury, who, for a change, was speaking for teammates who resented being dangled and quit. Corporate boss James Dolan just wants everyone to say things are OK and backed beleaguered Isiah Thomas, who, unlike Brown, can keep his mouth shut and maintained a discreet silence while Brown and Marbury ripped each other daily. The question isn’t whether they can keep this together but why they would want to.

Faces and Figures

Amare Stoudemire is back, or as he put it after scoring 20 points in 19 minutes in his first game, “Amare Stoudemire is back.”

If no one could stop the Suns, who are averaging 112 points since Jan. 1 without Stoudemire, what will everyone do now?

Anyone who wants Darius Miles, just send airfare: After losing at home to Milwaukee, Portland Coach Nate McMillan complained, “Some guys are interested, some guys are not.”

Said Miles, who didn’t score or get a rebound in 17 minutes, “The guys looked pretty tired. We probably need a day off.”

So, the next day, Miles gave himself the day off, missing a shoot-around because “I overslept,” and was benched for that night’s game.

They’re doing it again: In 2002, the Knicks sent an entire delegation to China to scout Yao Ming -- while the team was rallying down the stretch and wound up drafting No. 7.

Now they’re reportedly salivating over Louisiana State’s Tyrus Thomas, who emerged on the national scene with his big game against Duke in the NCAA tournament.

Unfortunately, after trading their No. 1 pick for Curry, all the Knicks have are two picks in the 20s.

This season the Knicks have a shot at the worst record, which the Bulls would appreciate. Morale remains a problem, or is nonexistent. Brown, who’d benched everyone else, sat new acquisitions Jalen Rose and Steve Francis during last week’s wipeout in Orlando, noting, “It looked like a few guys didn’t even care.”

Brown was probably being diplomatic. Given the 111-87 beating they were taking, none of them could have looked as if they cared.

This is a defense? Trying to create a more supportive environment for Antoine Walker, Riley noted, “He’s the only player in the league that I know of that if he turns it over the first time or throws up an airball, everybody groans.... I know what a bad shot is and what a quick shot is, but we’ve got a couple of offensive guys on this team that have been gunslingers, so you’ve got to give them one or two without breaking their back.”

Especially if you’re the one who just gave the gunslinger a six-year, $51-million deal to come off the bench, meaning you’re going to see a lot more airballs.

Every little bit helps, assuming you’re good enough: Coaches know nightlife in glamour stops such as New York and Los Angeles takes a toll on visitors’ efforts, so Cleveland’s Mike Brown let wives and girlfriends accompany players on a recent trip to Miami. You guessed it: Heat 101, Cavaliers 73.

Another demonstration of the value of the marketplace of ideas: With Utah trailing Phoenix by 10 at halftime, TNT’s Charles Barkley announced it was time for Jazz Coach Jerry Sloan to step down, noting, “The players are tuning him out.”

Said TNT’s Steve Kerr after the Jazz rallied to win, “Maybe he should get a three-year extension after that second half.”