Absence Makes His Love for Bruins Even Stronger

My Bruins are playing their hearts out in Oakland, and I’m in Staples Center waiting for a hockey game to start.

Talk about a sob story for Plaschke to write.

It’s true I didn’t pick the Bruins to advance in my bracket, but losing the office pool on purpose to keep the pressure off the guys was a small price to pay even though there are some slackers in the office who think they know more about sports now.

I could’ve gone to Oakland, but certainly not as an objective journalist given my affection for the Bruins, so I stayed here to write about teams no one cares about right now. That reminds me, I should’ve gone to USC’s football practice.

I have the option of going to the Final Four, but the same day UCLA will be winning the title the Dodgers will be opening the season, and just imagine the look on Jeff Kent’s face if I’m not there.

As Bruin fans, of course, we’re used to this kind of success anyway. Our football team has the longest winning streak in town, and I can’t even tell you the name of USC’s basketball coach, although I’m told he’ll be on the father-daughter gabfest today -- because what else does he have to do these days?

On the TV in the Chick Hearn Media Room -- and he’d love this -- my Bruins are ahead of Memphis by nine right now. But Peyton Manning has just appeared in a commercial, saying, “I can’t wait for some basketball in Indy,” and the last thing I want to see right now is the Big Football Choker jinxing our guys.

(I wonder if the Big Football Choker came on TV during the Rose Bowl ... it might explain a few crazy things.)

Ben Howland is a genius, but he has taken Jordan Farmar off the court. I guess he wants to feel what it’s like to be Pete Carroll and go for it without having his best player in the mix. I’d suggest leaving the guy on the court as a decoy and letting him rest.

Now there is less than four minutes left, the Bruins lead by five, and I wish they’d show Bill Walton on the screen. I talked to him two hours before tipoff, and he said he was already at the arena and nervous.

I told him I was with the Clippers, and they were “really smoking” the Washington Wizards, and he said, “I don’t condone smoking of any kind,” and I wonder if anyone had the good sense to hook Walton up to a microphone for the UCLA game.

The Bruins are winning with defense, and for you Trojan football fans, that’s something a team does to stop the guy with the ball from scoring in big games.

Our hockey writer has just arrived, and he wants to talk about Jeremy, and I know of no Bruin named Jeremy, and tell him to get lost.

My Bruins, meanwhile, use their final timeout with 1:46 to play, return to the court and throw the ball away. All the reporters who cover the Clippers for a living nod their heads in agreement as if they’ve seen that before.

But Memphis can’t do anything right, the clock rolls on in our favor -- wouldn’t you like to see the look on John Wooden’s face at this very moment, and CBS broadcaster Gus Johnson, who provided chills a few days ago calling the amazing win over Gonzaga, exclaims, “The magic continues for UCLA.”

A short time later, the hockey game begins.

The agony and ecstasy of sports, all right.

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I WONDER what odds you would’ve gotten that UCLA would not only win the last two games, but that CBS would select Ryan Hollins player of the game in each contest.

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THE NEW guy hired to coach the Kings because the Kings’ power play was no good just got a power play to show what he knows. At first glance, that would be nothing.

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THE MORNING newspaper had a headline that read, “Maggette Wants to Start,” and it’s pretty obvious that’s where Coach Mike Dunleavy gets most of his ideas.

“Yeah, that’s usually the way it works with me,” Dunleavy said, and with just the right amount of sarcasm for Page 2.

Dunleavy started Corey Maggette, back recently from a foot injury, but only because Cuttino Mobley was injured.

“We’ve had a little disagreement based on his readiness,” Dunleavy said. “I don’t think he’s ready.”

I’ve often thought the two didn’t get along, but Dunleavy said, “It’s not that we don’t get along. We have kind of a deal. My expectations are very high, and I think Corey has the goods to be a great player, and I tell him when you don’t want to be a great player, tell me to get off your back.”

Maggette scored 19 points in the Clippers’ 116-101 win, and said, “[Dunleavy] expects a lot of me, and I don’t have a problem with that. No question, he’s improved my game. OK, so sometimes it gets to you, but at the end of the day we’re on the same page because it’s all about winning.”

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SO I get word that Dr. Paula Verrette, chief of staff at Huntington Hospital, has done exceptional work with asthma clinics and diabetes-obesity prevention for children on her own time. The hospital’s fundraising office wants to thank her, but what do you give a doctor -- keeping in mind she’s also a big-time Dodger fan?

Something to drink, would be the obvious answer -- for medicinal purposes, of course -- to get through a Dodger season. So she’ll be getting a fine bottle of wine, and if there’s any food being served, it’d certainly increase the chances of Tom Lasorda showing up too.

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TODAY’S LAST word comes in e-mail from Rick Quintino:

“My quality of life has significantly improved since I stopped reading your stupid column.”

It shows.

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T.J. Simers can be reached at

t.j.simers@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.