True confessions
People
Confessional stop for: Gays coming out of the closet, spurned husbands and wives.
Signature confession: Neil Patrick Harris of “Doogie Howser, M.D.” fame admits he likes dudes.
Other confessors: Lance Bass, T.R. Knight, Ryan Phillippe
Bedside manner: Straightforward repetition of publicist-prepared quotes with minimum comment from “pals” and “sources close to the celebrity.”
Sample quote: “I hope the fact that I’m gay isn’t the most interesting part of me.” -- T.R. Knight
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“The Oprah
Winfrey Show”
Confessional stop for: Anyone in need of a little image rehab or with a confessional book to promote.
Signature confession: Tom Cruise confesses his love for Katie Holmes (simultaneously if nonverbally confessing his great need for a good publicist).
Other confessors: Madonna, Brooke Shields, former New Jersey Gov. Jim McGreevey, James Frey
Bedside manner: Down-home empathy just like Mom used to make.
Sample quote: “I had no desire to even pretend to care [about my baby]. And it absolutely terrified me.” -- Brooke Shields
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Vanity Fair
Confessional stop for: Tabloid A-listers who want to be on the cover and revengeful politicos.
The confessors: Lindsay Lohan, Teri Hatcher, Hilary Swank, W. Mark Felt, a.k.a. “Deep Throat,” Jennifer Aniston, Nicole Richie, former Ambassador Joseph C. Wilson IV, Jack Abramoff
Signature confession: Lohan admits eating disorder, drug use.
Bedside manner: No confession, no cover.
Sample quote: “I didn’t intend to talk about this with you, but it is something that’s been surfacing with me for the past three years. This is something I’ve tried to hide my whole life.” -- Teri Hatcher, saying she was sexually abused
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“Larry King Live”
Confessional stop for: King is old faithful -- suitable for anyone.
Signature confession: “The Dukes of Hazzard” star John Schneider admits being fat as a child.
Other confessors: Everyone from George Bush to Janet Jackson to Elizabeth Taylor.
Bedside manner: Comfortingly direct.
Sample quote: “I was there because there was chemistry. I wasn’t there because, oh, this is the president.” -- Monica Lewinsky
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Diane Sawyer on “Good Morning America”
Confessional stop for: Alcoholics and other celebrities.
Signature confession: A two-part interview with Mel Gibson post anti-Semitic remarks.
Other confessors: Robin Williams, Michael J. Fox, Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley
Bedside manner: Might use kid gloves, might take them off.
Sample quote: “Years go by, you’re fine. And then all of a sudden in a heartbeat, in an instant, on an impulse, somebody shoves a glass of mescal in front of your nose, and says, ‘It’s from Oaxaca ....” -- Mel Gibson
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Judith Regan’s ReganBooks
Confessional stop for: Celebrities nobody else would touch.
Signature confession: At the end of the month, Fox is scheduled to air a conversation between Regan and O.J. Simpson based on his book, “If I Did It.”
Other confessors: To come
Bedside manner: Remains to be seen
Sample quote: “I don’t think any two people could be murdered without everybody being covered in blood.” -- O.J. Simpson
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Los Angeles Times
