A lot better than nothing

Now it’s Agent Zero, superstar.

Agent Zero started out as Gilbert Arenas’ private joke, the number he chose for the number of minutes he was supposed to play as an unheralded last-minute recruit at Arizona.

Try as he might to recreate that time, it’s over. Now everyone knows the joke, which serves as the theme of Arenas’ new Adidas commercials.

After a lifetime of flying loop-the-loops under the radar, the Washington Wizards guard suddenly has all the fame and recognition he dreamed of ... raising the question of what to do now.

Yearning got him here. Little noticed at Grant High in Van Nuys, snubbed by UCLA -- just the start of a string of insults as long as his memory -- he hasn’t stopped competing for attention or whatever was at hand since.

He has bet automobiles on the outcome of video games with friends. He recently took $20,000 off teammate DeShawn Stevenson in a shooting contest.

Being Gilbert, he didn’t exactly keep it a secret. Complete details can be found on his NBA.com blog.

“What comes out of his mouth, some people take it the wrong way, but he’s a big kid,” said his father, Gilbert Sr., during All-Star weekend, watching his son at the media session.

“He loves to have fun. He’s in competition with LeBron James right now. If you look at his table and LeBron’s table, he’s trying to get the biggest crowd. ...

“He’s winning right now by about two people,” Gilbert Sr. said, laughing.

James, the most hyped young player ever, was the one seated with stern bodyguards at each elbow. Arenas was the one standing among the media people, having a great time.

The weekend being about showmanship, James had no chance. Arenas, the new hottie, had his face plastered 20 stories high on the side of hotels by Adidas, with LeBron’s nowhere to be seen.

James seemed to set out to recoup by winning the MVP, but his East team lost by 20 and the award went to Kobe Bryant.

Meanwhile, Arenas joined the Flying Elvi, a troupe of Elvis look-alikes dunking off a trampoline. Happily for all concerned, he didn’t trip and end the Wizards’ season.

“Yeah, I think Eddie [Jordan, Wizards coach] saw it and I didn’t think he was happy,” said Arenas. “Oh, you know how coaches are.”

Jordan just signed an extension for $4 million annually and earns every penny every day.

Fast lane speeds up

If superstardom is a test of who can handle stardom, it’s a special challenge for someone who came as far as fast as Arenas did.

The little boy whose mother abandoned him, who slept in the car with his father when they moved to the San Fernando Valley, is now 25, a three-time All-Star, making $11.1 million a year.

Big-hearted and spectacularly uninhibited, he announced his arrival with his recent $1-million birthday bash. Fortunately for Arenas, he didn’t have to pick up the tab or do anything but show up.

Hosted by a Washington, D.C., club owner, it had sponsors (a vitamin water and a tattoo designer) and a website (arenasexpress.com) where dress was announced as “Super-Duper Fly. Absolutely no jeans, no sneakers, no boots, no throwback jerseys, no Timbs [Timberland boots], no hats.”

Stories about the party ran in the local press for days before and after. The 7,000 guests had to show their invitations -- plastic “Arenas Express” credit cards with the attendees’ names embossed on them -- which sponsors said cost $40,000.

“I had to get a special invitation because I was late,” said Gilbert Sr., who flew in from the West Coast.

“He told me, ‘Dad, if you’re coming to the party, you’re not going to get in.’ I thought he was kidding. He said, ‘No, Dad, I’m serious, you won’t be able to get into the party.’ ”

The Washington Post said “vast sectors” of two Ritz-Carltons were reserved. The bedding had an “Agent Zero” monogram, as did the sofa in Gilbert Jr.’s suite. Said a hotel spokesman, “He’s not too fond of beds and prefers to snooze on the couch.”

Guests included Diddy, Lil Wayne, Donovan McNabb and Clinton Portis, although as far as anyone knows Halle Berry, Jamie Foxx and the Pussycat Dolls didn’t make it.

There were also the women supposedly wearing only thongs and body paint. Two days later, a Post story headlined “Your Questions Answered About Gilbert Arenas’s 25th Birthday Party” reported, “We’re told they may have been wearing some kind of body stocking. But they sure looked naked.”

“Gilbert did nothing for his 23rd and 24th birthdays,” a representative told the Post. “... This is as much a coming-out party for Gilbert as anything.”

A loner who usually avoids clubs, Arenas spent most of his time with friends in the fourth-floor VIP lounge.

Coincidentally or not, he shot 23 for 74 the next four games and the Wizards lost three of them.

Said a friend who attended: “Someone from the Wizards told me, ‘Luckily, Gilbert only throws a party once a year.’ ”

Gilbertology 101

“He’s as fast as a young [Allen] Iverson but he’s my size.”

-- Detroit guard

Chauncey Billups

“Was he a point guard? No. Was he a different sort of prankster off the floor that irritated people? Yes. Could he mature in time to save my job? We didn’t know but as they say, it takes a village to raise a child.”

-- Jordan, last season

It’s true, not everyone -- OK, no one -- thinks Arenas’ pranks are as funny as he does.

Take his promise to score 50 points against Portland, coached by Nate McMillan, an assistant on the U.S. team that cut him last summer, after getting 50 on Phoenix, whose coach Mike D’Antoni was also on the U.S. staff.

Instead, the fired-up Trail Blazers upset the Wizards, holding Arenas to nine. Arenas suggested that Jordan’s emphasis on defense distracted them; the arch-patient Jordan replied that Antawn Jamison, not Arenas, was their leader.

Arenas, of course, got the last word: “I’m a goof. C’mon, everyone knows that.”

Jordan calls this stuff “Gilbertology” and class never lets out. Last week they went to Portland for the rematch -- with Gilbert vowing anew to get 50.

“I know coach is going to get mad for me saying this, but if I don’t score 50, damn it, there’s going to be a lot of shots to [try to] get to 50,” he wrote on his NBA.com blog. “You know, last time I shot 15 shots.”

This time he took 16, missed 12 and the Trail Blazers beat them again.

Unfazed as usual, he said he bet two fans $10 apiece that he’d get the 50 and got their e-mail addresses so he could pay them.

The next night in Seattle, he scored 42 points, including his third game-winning basket of the season.

Of course, he’ll only be 25 once and this game is hard enough without stirring up all that trouble.

“I don’t consider it trouble,” Arenas said during All-Star weekend.

“I have a personality everyone grasps to and it’s entertainment. Fans love it. My bloggers love it. Even if I score nine, I can still make a joke about it.”

Can’t he use a rest?

“That’s called six months of off-season,” he said.

He’s off to blaze more trails in Gilbertology. Worry is just something the grown-ups do for him.

“Yes I do,” said Gilbert Sr. “As a father you’ve got to be concerned about a lot of things. But Gil, for him it’s a moment and he’s sharing himself.”

You know how fathers are. They’re like coaches, they just watch and hope.

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mark.heisler@latimes.com