2004 Reality Games

Hi, my name is Shayna, and I'm the reality TV junkie. These days, I'm also the Olympic Games junkie.

Watching so much television while trying to maintain some semblance of a life is tough, but in this case worthwhile. And it's nice to know I'm not the only freak glued to the tube for once. Lots of people are walking around with bags under their eyes and visions of beautiful bodies in their heads thanks to many a late night spent watching Olympics coverage.

As for the ongoing competition among reality participants, I'll admit it's taken a backseat to my obsession with the events in Athens, but it's heating up just enough to keep me tuning in when I can. I've caught bits and pieces of MTV's Andy Dick vehicle, "The Assistant"; the first episode of UPN's slime fest, "The Player"; and several installments of "Amish in the City."

Reality roundup

"The Player"
Wed., 9 p.m., UPN
This show is nasty, dawg. But whew(!), what an education. Perhaps if I spent less time watching Nick and Jessica and more time hitting the clubs, I'd be up to speed on what kind of game the so-called players are running these days. Then again, this show reminds me why I spend so much time at home.

"The Player" does have a few things going for it. It doesn't take place in Los Angeles, but rather in Miami, so already it brings something fresh to the table. Its leading lady is attractive and in control without being a complete witch. And its gaggle of Hummer-driving, fast-talking, sneaker-shuffling playas are for the most part so ridiculous that at the very least the show is funny. And, as I mentioned earlier, educational. I mean really, did you know what a "player" was before you tuned in? I rest my case.

"Amish in the City"
Wed., 8 p.m., UPN
So it's "Real World" with some Amish people thrown in. What's the big offense? I think the critics who came down so hard on this latest attempt to bring something new to the reality mix simply took it too seriously. I missed the premiere episode, so maybe there were some insensitive moments there. But what I've gathered from the installments I've tuned into is that the Amish have much less to fear than the families of idiots like "city kids" Reese, Nick and Ariel.

The Amish "kids," Mose and Ruth, in particular, are thoughtful, open-minded people taking their experience outside of the only community they've ever known in stride. They're bright, mostly positive human beings who are just trying to find their way. Their bitter, haughty, judgmental counterparts, on the other hand, are some of the worst examples of what society has to offer. In fact, they'll likely contribute to the others returning to their own culture as soon as they can hitch a hayride home.

"The Assistant"
Mon., 10:30 p.m., MTV
Do you like Andy Dick? Whether you like this show or not may depend on that very question, so be warned. There's no question that he's the star of this reality show spoof. He's rude. He's crude. He's meaner than a junkyard dog. And though I've never been much of a fan, he's pretty funny. I'm just glad I'm not the focus of his wrath, which is what the naïve kids Dick has dubbed his "bitches" are. Each must do whatever he or she can to avoid being "ffft ffft ffft — clipped!"

"The Amazing Race"
Tue., 10 p.m., CBS
Boo hoo, cousins Mirna and Charla were eliminated this week. The adventure won't be the same without them. One positive effect, though (based on scenes for the next episode), is that without "the midget" to push around, royal jerk Colin gets himself into some real hot water by tangling with the authorities in Africa. Mwa-ha-ha!

Even with the disappointment of seeing a good-hearted team lose, I so enjoy watching this show. I was especially thrilled when the latest pit stop brought competitors to the ridge above Lake Manyara, Tanzania, a spot I have been fortunate enough to visit. And I didn't even have to power down an entire ostrich egg — the equivalent of a dozen chicken eggs — to get there!

Forced to find a new team to root for, I guess I'll choose Californians Chip and Kim. Like the cousins, these two are able to maintain their competitive edge while also appreciating the opportunity to travel the world. That's something many of the other participants can't seem to grasp. And the ones who have no respect for the natives of the places they're visiting should have their passports revoked.

Postscript

"For Love or Money"
Finale, NBC
Could it be? If what aired is to be believed, love won out over money for the second series in a row! In the end, pseudo-diva Rachel played her cards just right. Had she chosen pretty boy Mike, my guess is that she'd have been out of luck. And money. Not to mention love. But she took a leap of faith and chose the emotional yet sincere Caleb, who then tossed his check in favor of a chance at romance.

"Outback Jack"
Finale, TBS
The dedicated participants of TBS' "Outback Jack" site poll had it right: Natalie was the last girl standing, and the one whisked away by the dreamy dude from Down Under. The show literally ended with the couple sailing off into the sunset. As for me? Guess I'll have to go back to my crush on the cute boy at work.

Write to the Reality TV Junkie at tvjunkie@latimes.com.