On Tuesday, Mexico’s Congress gathered to hear testimony from an expert on UAPs (unidentified aerial phenomena, previously known as unidentified flying objects or UFOs), who came into the chambers with a big, bold claim, and evidence to back it up — aliens are real.
We are not alone, they say. So much so that in that very room two extraterrestrials were among them in caskets containing the corpses of two totally real, not at all fake, 1,000-year-old alien corpses.
Jaime Maussan, a journalist and ufologist, swore under oath in a three-hour session that the alien bodies he presented were real, discovered deep underground near the famed Nazca Lines of Peru in 2017.
“It’s the queen of all evidence,” he claimed. “That is, if the DNA is showing us that they are non-human beings and that there is nothing that looks like this in the world, we should take it as such.” He also challenged “any scientific institution” to investigate the findings and assured that no human DNA would be found in the corpses.
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This is arguably the day Tom DeLonge has dreamed of. Until it was quickly proved to be a hoax, duping some within the UFO truthing community in the process. But most disturbingly, the alien figures were found to have a mix of actual human remains of Peruvian mummies that had been looted — a horrifying act that I strongly condemn.
Video of Maussan’s testimony went viral on X, previously known as Twitter, as the images of the pale, ashen, doll-sized alien bodies were shared widely. Its cheekbones are the level of height and sharpness cast members of the “Real Housewives” would pay a normie’s monthly rent per session to achieve. The alien looks like a piece of malformed beef jerky you dropped into the ashes of a dying bonfire, killing the vibe during your homie’s acoustic rendition of “No Woman, No Cry.” It looks like me when I scroll through my phone for three hours every morning in bed before remembering I have to drink water.
This is all to say that it looks — to use a scientific term — janky. However, this type of bizarro stunt is something Latinx folks identified almost immediately. It’s “Primer Impacto” energy run amok.
For the tragically uninformed, “Primer Impacto” is a tabloid show that runs throughout Latin America on the television network Univision. The show presents itself as serious news reporting stories of supernatural beings, shocking occult discoveries and mysterious occurrences from around the world, leaving nanas clutching their rosaries and buying extra crucifixes to ward off spirits and goblins.
In some of its most memorable reporting, former host Maria Celeste Arrarás and the team of reporters shared stories of duendes lurking in trees in Central America, brujas voladoras captured on camera by a shaky camcorder, and UFO or alien sightings.
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Since Celeste Arrarás departure, Michelle Galván and Pamela Silva Conde have taken up the mantle of scaring gullible parents and abuelitos.
The Maussan alien testimony is simply running where “Primer Impacto” has long walked, though with far greater levels of ick and awfulness considering they were molded from actual human remains.
Still, when the video began to circulate (and before it got milkshake ducked for being disrespectful to the dead), it was a fascinating, raw and demented display of the silliest parts of our culture. That anyone would go before Congress — CONGRESS — with fake aliens in tow is simply bonkers.
Earlier this year, David Grusch, a retired U.S. Air Force intelligence officer, testified before a House Oversight subcommittee about the existence of “non-human” life forms recovered from UAP crash sites. It ignited talk of extraterrestrial existence and was probably actually the day Tom DeLonge dreamed of.
That these testimonies are happening is a clear indication that we want to believe. However, bringing fake aliens with you is a step beyond, though not all the way surprising considering our cultural affection for mischief.
As a community, Latinos are fascinated with the strange and otherworldly, and simply eat up a dash of the weird and whimsical. Especially when it’s a little bit scary. It’s part of the DNA of our culture.
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My own mom and sister, two people who are of sound and rational mind, used to be genuinely concerned that duendes were stealing our laundry. Meanwhile, I fed myself a steady diet of freaky stuff with “Primer Impacto,” but also “Sightings,” “Unsolved Mysteries” and books on spirits and aliens from the library as a kid.
Spirits, energies and the supernatural are deeply embedded in our daily lives, especially for millennial and Gen Z Latinx women who have reconnected in the last few years with spiritual practices. We sage our homes and light palo santo to cleanse anything that feels off. We read our horoscopes religiously and ask anyone we meet about their big three. And we consult tarot card readers for guidance and visit the botánica for candles and crystals.
Many of us perform full moon rituals to set intentions and perform spells to help us unlock needs and desires. It’s all tradition stemmed from Indigenous practices, keeping us feeling connected to the universe, our ancestors and a greater power — whatever it may be.
We tend to believe there’s more out there because we can sense it and experience it in hard-to-explain ways.
This alien, however, is wild. Pure chaos. And mess. May more absolute crackpots come forward with their petrified duendes and brujas voladoras.
Just keep the actual remains out of them, please. That’s grounds for a curse you’d more than deserve and would make for a satisfying segment on “Primer Impacto.”
Alex Zaragoza is a television writer and journalist covering culture and identity. Her work has appeared in Vice, NPR, O Magazine and Rolling Stone. She’s written on the series “Primo” and “Lopez v. Lopez.” She writes weekly for De Los.
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