So much time, effort and talent go into making an Emmy Award-worthy performance, scene, outfit or series. No wonder the real-life Emmys are the culmination of true artistry, bold decisions, incredible storytelling — and some crafty campaigning.
But let’s face it: No one’s going to campaign for the categories below. After all, when a 1960s tune can find a place on multiple series, when soap operas prove to be the music that serves the savage breast and when we can fall for a character thanks to some of the worst outfits ever placed on a human being in the world, well, all of those things deserve attention. And awards. Something big and brassy and gold-plated, ideally. But also something to make their peers green with envy. What do they do with the dinged-up Emmys that never get handed out? We’ll take them all, so we can present them at this year’s Envelope TV Envy Awards.
Here’s to all the great TV moments that would never get their rightful salutes otherwise.
Outstanding Easter Egg Prize
“Ripley” (Netflix)
Hey, we’ll watch John Malkovich pretty much anywhere, but having him pop up toward the end of “Ripley” as shady art dealer Reeves is a delightful bit of casting for fans of Patricia Highsmith‘s Tom Ripley character. For those who don’t know, Malkovich starred as Ripley in 2002’s “Ripley’s Game.” And he’s not just a passing character in this updated version by Steven Zaillian. Reeves/Malkovich has a critical role and, with luck, perhaps we’ll get to see Andrew Scott (as today’s Ripley) square off with him in a sequel. Only problem: Who will we root for then?
Tune in Tomorrow Award
“The Brothers Sun” (Netflix)
Say what you will about the creaky medium of soap operas — they’re still on the air and still beloved by their devotees. Just witness what can happen when the hardest of hard cases get embroiled in small-screen melodrama: In “Boy Swallows Universe” (Netflix), convicts riot when denied their dose of “Days of Our Lives,” while Taiwanese gangster Charles Sun spends his days on an American sofa as he develops an obsession with “General Hospital.” Both are relatable, but bonus points for the guy who traveled all the way from Taipei to Los Angeles to find his true television love.
Outstanding Throwback Fashionista Song
“Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini”
Who’d have thunk that a novelty song from 1960, sung originally by Brian Hyland, would have a proud place in two long-running British TV series 64 years after it was a No. 1 hit? Not this writer — yet it popped up in episodes of “Doctor Who” (Disney+) and “Call the Midwife” (PBS Masterpiece) alike, proving that the hit of the summer doesn’t have to be a brand-new release.
Best Resurrection
Paul Rudd, “Only Murders in the Building” (Hulu)
That the ever-youthful and beloved Rudd would be the key victim during the third season of “Only Murders” was no real surprise — we saw it as a cliffhanger at the end of Season 2. But thanks to the miracle workers at the ER, he survived being poisoned and popped up at his own wake at the start of the next season … only to die a few minutes later by falling down an elevator shaft in the title building. Talk about raising our hopes … then dashing them down again!
Outrageous Costuming Award
Daniel Lawson, “Elsbeth” (CBS)
The actual Emmys have had a contemporary costume award since 2015, but let’s face it: They’re not looking for what “Elsbeth” has on offer. In this comedy-drama about a lawyer-turned-investigator, the biggest crime in any given episode is what its titular character puts on her body. Elsbeth Tascioni is a master of stripes with solids, oranges with reds, outrageous patterns and hats and gloves and no fewer than four tote bags or purses dangling from her person in any given episode. And she is glorious. This piece of witchery could have been pulled off only by a master, and the fact that Lawson comes out of the soap opera world and has been with the “Good Wife” universe for many years (where his outfits for other characters are simply divine) proves that he can expertly stroll all sides of the catwalk. Do they give Nobel Prizes for costumes?
Greatest Non-Couple We Fell in Love With Anyway
Jacob and Melissa, “Abbott Elementary” (ABC)
Janine and Gregory are poised to finally become the most-talked-about teachers at Abbott next season, but we’d like to give a special honor to two of the most unlikely roomies from Season 3: Jacob (Chris Perfetti) and Melissa (Lisa Ann Walter). He’s fussy and gay, she’s straight and a ball-buster. But when she needed a roomie and he needed a place to stay, it turned out they have real chemistry — and lots in common, including eating sour cream and onion-flavored popcorn while savoring the “masterpiece” that is “The Real Housewives of New Jersey.” More of this relationship, please!
From the Oscars to the Emmys.
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