Review: ‘Borderlands’ is a game-to-screen misfire so thoroughly bad, it’s breathtaking

In writer-director Eli Roth’s atrociously uninspired sci-fi fantasy escapade “Borderlands,” Claptrap, an acerbic droid voiced by Jack Black, calls to mind the humor of “Mystery Science Theater 3000,” the parody TV show in which a group of sentient robots comment on unintentionally risible B-movies. Black’s similarly acid quips — aimed at the story’s pack of misfit protagonists searching for “keys” to open an ancient trove of knowledge — are the only morsels of discernible entertainment in this stillborn adaptation of the first-person-shooter video game, tolerable only in brief instances.

An insipid mishmash of trite genre tropes, “Borderlands” is devoid of any real edge. At every turn it comes off desperate to tap into the corporate-approved cynicism that has helped “The Suicide Squad” and more recently “Deadpool & Wolverine” seem “cool.” But with a PG-13 rating and some of the worst not-even-trying writing of any theatrically released production this year, “Borderlands” feels like an especially boring ride through a barren landscape. It goes from one destination to another, but there’s little excitement to be found on the road.

Despite the exposition that Lilith (Cate Blanchett), a planet-hopping bounty hunter, spills throughout the dull adventure, those unfamiliar with the source material still might find themselves confused about how this world operates. Roth and credited co-screenwriter Joe Crombie fail to effectively synthetize the game’s lore and the characters’ individual histories in a way that can entice the uninitiated.

The plot is set in motion when Atlas (Edgar Ramírez), a stock power-hungry villain with plenty of high-tech weapons, hires ruthless Lilith to track down his bunny ears-wearing teenaged daughter Tina (Ariana Greenblatt) in Pandora, a wasteland. Atlas believes the lab-created Tina is the chosen one to open the portal and unleash the wisdom from a long-gone civilization he plans to use for war. When Lilith, originally from Pandora, reaches the girl without much trouble, Tina already has a pair of guardians — including the gas-masked brute Krieg (Florian Munteanu).

Movies

For Subscribers

The 27 best movie theaters in Los Angeles

We’ve mapped out 27 of the best movie theaters in L.A., from the TCL Chinese and the New Beverly to the Alamo Drafthouse and which AMC reigns in Burbank.

Nov. 22, 2023

Among the underwritten characters protecting Tina — all of them with as much depth as a puddle of muddy water after a middling sprinkle — Kevin Hart’s soldier, Roland, and Jamie Lee Curtis’ scientist, Tannis, are the most surprising for how forgettable they are. Pluck them from the narrative and it’d be difficult to pinpoint why they were there at all.

Meanwhile, Greenblatt’s playfully mischievous demeanor as Tina often reads as overacting. Since the production of “Borderlands” experienced numerous setbacks that caused major delays, it’s possible these forced scenes were shot long before the young actor appeared as a moody adolescent in Greta Gerwig’s “Barbie,” a much better showcase of her skills.

Throughout it all, as if battling to emerge from quicksand, Blanchett commits to Lilith’s fierce nonchalance. And testament to her regal magnetism, she escapes mostly intact. At one point, a towering Blanchett even flies through the sky with fiery wings suitable for a character from the “X-Men” canon, which one can only hope was more amusing forher to shoot than the movie is to watch. (If every actor has that one entry in their body of work that will forever puzzle fans, this could certainly be Blanchett’s.) Mawkish flashbacks to Lilith’s late mother are an unsuccessful attempt at building an emotional anchor, coming in too late and with little context.

Light-years away from being so bad that it’s good, “Borderlands” lacks a distinct visual aesthetic, even if the costume designing and hairdressing teams seemed to have tried to stay as faithful to the source material as possible. There are holographic masks, giant monsters and a wasteland that looks like a discarded set from the “Mad Max” universe, but cohesiveness is elusive, given our ignorance about why these elements exist and what their purpose is.

As far as the action goes, repetitive shootouts never inspire much of a thrill, but rather call attention to their length and inability to reach a compelling climax. Though competent, the flashy computed-generated effects give the impression of being recycled instead of uniquely designed for this lackluster mélange.

By the time “Borderlands” wraps up with an anticlimactic thud, this intergalactic sludge confirms itself as a waste of resources (reportedly $115 million) and of everyone’s valuable time, not to mention ours. What other projects did the star-studded cast pass on to partake in this misstep?

Near the end of the ordeal, the camera pans slowly to capture the faces of each character after they have completed their mission with a “we did it” attitude that is shamefully unearned. That self-congratulatory cinematic gesture almost feels insulting, when it’s the audience who deserves a reassuring pat on the back. They’re not always this bad.