Which L.A. gym will make you cry less?

It’s probably unfair to compare Equinox, an elite fitness club that costs roughly $270 a month, to the YMCA, a $60-a-month, nonprofit gym and community center that doubles as the inspiration behind your favorite wedding song. Equinox, it must be said, has spent many millions of dollars on glossy advertising campaigns with the express purpose of distancing itself from exactly these types of comparisons.

But as I began searching for a gym in Santa Monica, I found myself weighing the question: For $210 a month more than the YMCA, what does Equinox actually provide?

First off, I should disclose that I’m a member of the Collins & Katz Family YMCA in Sawtelle. I joined because it’s clean, the pool is massive, the jacuzzi is fantastic, and, at the time I signed up last May, it had a steam room and a sauna, both of which were fully functional. The steam room, in particular, was a major draw. I imagined the many dewy hours I might spend there, how my regular trips to the steam room would lead me to become a more moisturized and generally relaxed person.

The Collins & Katz Y inspires a lot of enthusiasm. People love this YMCA. Certain fitness instructors and their classes are so beloved that they fill up within moments of being posted online. At the time I joined, I was so delighted by all these wonderful amenities that it was difficult to imagine how any gym — Equinox be damned — could possibly improve upon the Collins & Katz Y.

“Trust me, it can get a lot better,” my friend Ana, who has lived in L.A. for 14 years, told me. Ana has been an Equinox member for two years and whenever she talks about the time she spends there, she describes it the same way a Buddhist monk might describe a pilgrimage to a psychic oasis in the Himalayas.

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With these seeds of doubt firmly planted in my mind, I signed up for a trial membership at Equinox, something that involved several phone calls with an irritated person who told me multiple times that no, Equinox does not offer trial memberships, and then a secondary phone call to a much friendlier-sounding person who said yes, he’d give me a three-day trial membership, no problem, when would I like to come in?

It is thanks to that offer that I discovered the truth about Equinox. At its core, the product that Equinox offers — the opportunity to work out in a place with the same low-lit austerity of an Apple Store — is good. Really, it is.

How good it is, in fact, might be Equinox’s primary flaw. It is almost too good. Its members, especially at the West Hollywood location, seemingly all belong to the same aspirationally gorgeous family. The entire establishment is imbued with chilly professionalism. The towels, which are unlimited and freshly laundered, are immaculate and white. The locker rooms gleam astringently.

But this sleek atmosphere conceals a ragged edge. On a recent trip to the West Hollywood Equinox, I watched as a woman with Jessica Rabbit curves performed a series of deadlifts. She was crying quietly.

I have seen and heard many things at the YMCA: a volunteer passionately proselytizing about Mormonism in the jacuzzi at 9 a.m. on a Monday, an elderly man lifting weights in a business suit, a group of teenage boys wrestling in the yoga room, but I have yet to experience anything so tragic as a beautiful woman weeping between deadlifts.

“I always feel so sad leaving Equinox because I know that the rest of the day will go downhill from there,” Ana told me. I could see what she meant. We had just emerged from the steam room, where we had sat for 30 minutes with cold eucalyptus-scented towels draped over our foreheads. Our skin was luminescent with complimentary Kiehl’s products. Our bellies were full of strawberry and chia seed smoothies. Our muscles were sore. As we exited the serenity of the air-conditioned enclosure, the rest of the world seemed infinitely meaner and uglier by comparison.

As great as it may be, the Y will never ruin your day by being too good. Months into my membership, I soon learned that something will always be slightly awry. Employees frequently give different answers to my questions, as though cut-and-dry information of, for instance, the pool’s weekday hours, are matters of interpretation. Occasionally, the Y closes without explanation. “Sorry for the inconvenience, but the YMCA is closed today,” read a sign tacked to the front door one day.

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The Y is a capricious and mysterious entity. It rests on major holidays and Sunday afternoons, periods during which it is closed to members. Machines break, equipment wears down and takes weeks to fix. This was the case for the steam room that broke, tragically, about one month into my membership. It was out of commission for months. (It took several months, but I can happily report that today, the steam room is fully functioning once more.)

The general vibe you get when walking through the Y is: “We’re doing the best we can!” Whereas the general vibe at Equinox is: “We are on a path to perfection! Join us or not, we really don’t care.”

To note even minor flaws at Equinox fills you with indignation, as was the case when I spotted stray hairs clinging to the steam room floor, a shower that smelled pungently of sewage and a towel with a yellow stain. $270 a month, for this!?

At the Y, you tend to notice the exact opposite. The bathrooms are generally immaculate. The pool is always clean. There are even yoga classes, karate, cardio dance and jiu jitsu. And a room with not one, but two ping-pong tables. All this, for $60 a month!?

Of course, if you’re simply looking to get in shape, the YMCA will do just as good a job as Equinox. The primary difference is that the Equinox is less of a gym and more of a day spa with a gym attached. Is it worth an additional $210 a month? The answer really depends on how much you like limitless Kiehl’s products.