Burb’s Eye View: Picnic-goers witness Nerf carnage at the park

The Ryan family enjoyed a Mother’s Day lunch under a tree at the old L.A. Zoo. Even Grandma flew in from Florida to enjoy the lovely afternoon in a quiet corner of Griffith Park.

Then the warriors showed up.

They carried their weapons slung over their shoulders or strapped to their waists. They bore standards and colored battle gear to delineate their allegiance. Dozens trod up the dusty path to the Old Zoo picnic area and before long, 100 or so combatants were ready to aim their Nerf guns at each other and unleash hell.

It was quite the turnaround for the picnickers.

“I didn’t want a gift for Mother’s Day — just a picnic,” said mom Julie Ryan.

“And now we’re getting entertained,” said grandma Janet Goodman.

At Max Landis’ countdown, the Nerfwar Turfwar began. Roughly 100 adults from throughout Los Angeles gathered for three hours Sunday afternoon to stage the biggest Nerf fight of their lives.

Landis began these “wars” a few years ago. What started with a few friends and a few guns exploded this year when he made the invitation to his Mother’s Day Massacre a public event on Facebook.

“The most important part of Nerfwar Turfwar is to act like adults and not like children,” Landis told the throngs.

The “war” is as honorable as it gets — in that it’s up to the combatants to police their own battle damage. If you’re hit in the arm or leg, you lose the use of that appendage; head or chest shots means you’re down for the count and can’t get back up until the round is over.

“This has led to situations where armless, legless people are the only survivors and they have to crawl a quarter mile to get each other,” Landis said.

It left a lot of battle-clad warriors lounging around at Griffith Park with little to do.

“I wish I would have ‘died’ in the shade,” said Isabelle Lynn.

Matt Blackwood called it some of “the most fun I’ve ever had in my life.”

He greeted friend Clark Kelly with a massive hug while Kelly leaned on a cane and stood from his wheelchair. In January 2013, Kelly was driving on the southbound 101 Freeway when he encountered a 16-car pileup. While trying to drag an ejected passenger to safety, Kelly was hit by another vehicle and broke his legs in 36 places and nearly lost a thumb.

On Sunday, Kelly hugged and greeted friends, and in this year’s Nerf war was able to stand and move around the field despite the brace on his leg.

“I have never missed one, even if I’ve had to be here in a wheelchair,” he said. And he represented, too — he let out a fierce war cry after winning a round on his own.

The battlefield was carefully marked outside the realm of the picnic blankets and barbecues. Two kids who were having a birthday party were treated to a rendition of “Happy Birthday” sung by all 100-plus Nerf troops.

In this battle, you better be prepared for a whack from a foam sword, or a blast from a gun with a giant picture of Gary Busey at the end.

“If I get shot by that, I can’t even get mad,” said Jason Wishnov as he surveyed Alex Steen’s “Gary Uzi.”

Earlier in the day, Wishnov — as many of his comrades-in-arms — wished his mother well on her special day.

Then he had to tell her what his plans were for the afternoon.

“She was confused. I was like, ‘You don’t get my generation, Mom.’ It’s fun,” he said.

The squeaking pump action of the plastic rifles raged on and Landis continued to direct the proceedings in his green bowler hat and polka dot tank top — a Jester General commanding his legions.

“I want to thank you all for attending the hipster version of the Hunger Games,” he said. They roared in reply.

A “Mexican standoff” round took place in a roiling mass of players. It was over in seconds. Longer rounds like the Zombie round — where after a point the “dead” players return to avenge themselves upon the living — meant surviving a while under the direct, dry sun.

Only one major injury befell the combatants — a fighter slipped early on and broke his collarbone. Later, Michael Pao was treated and released by a park ranger for a broken blister on his pinky toe — hardly enough to stop the flow of little foam missiles flying from the plastic guns.

“It’s everything you wanted to do when you were 10 and you never had enough friends to pull this off,” Blackwood said.
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BRYAN MAHONEY is a recent transplant from the East Coast. He can be reached at 818NewGuy@gmail.com and on Twitter: @818NewGuy.