In Theory: To spank or not to spank?

Minnesota Vikings running back Adrian Peterson was arrested earlier this month for alleged child abuse after he used a switch to discipline his 4-year-old son. In a statement issued Sept. 15, Peterson, who was later suspended indefinitely, said, in part, “My goal is always to teach my son right from wrong and that’s what I tried to do that day.”

This incident has rekindled the debate about whether or not corporal punishment is acceptable today. According to the website fivethirtyeight.com, about 70% of Americans in recent years said they support corporal punishment. In 1986, 84% agreed that it was an acceptable parenting practice. So there has been a decline, but a majority still finds it acceptable.

Q: What are your beliefs on the subject? Have your thoughts on corporal punishment changed over the years, or remained about the same?

Every child needs appropriate discipline. Proverbs 22:15 says “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of discipline will remove it far from him.” We are all born with inherent foolishness; discipline is God’s way to get it out of us. “The rod” speaks of the corporal discipline of the child, though it never says the rod should be applied to the point of abuse. While discipline is in complete accord with the nature and ways of God even with us as adults, abuse contradicts his moral character. We should also note that the “child” here is not a baby, nor is he a teenager. There is a point at which a child is too young for spanking, and a point at which he is too old.

Discipline should begin at an early age for children. We are warned that there may be a time when it’s too late. Proverbs 19:18 says, “Discipline your son while there is hope, and do not desire his death.” The consequence of an undisciplined life may in fact be an early death from foolish decisions. Proper discipline is always done in love, always done as an act of correction and not retribution and always done in a consistent manner. Any form of corporal discipline can be carried to an abusive extreme. The parent who disciplines his child must always be mindful of the ultimate effect that any discipline will have on each of his children. If it is not abusive or demeaning and it changes negative behavior, then maybe it’s OK. But if it harms the child in a permanent physical or emotional way then it’s definitely not. Ephesians 6:4 puts it wisely: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

Pastor Jon Barta
Burbank

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We don’t want to consult the Bible on this one. Children back then were not seen as tender souls to be nurtured, but merely as part of the economic system of the family. The biblical advice to parents to discipline their children severely, with rods and whips — and even to kill a rebellious child if necessary — is given in the same breath and spirit as advice to masters on how to treat a rebellious slave (see Proverbs 23, Deuteronomy 21 and Ephesians 6).

Just as the collective conscience of humanity has moved beyond slavery, so we can and should evolve in our wisdom on how to discipline children. “This is the way I was treated” is not a good argument. What’s right to do now, according to the current thoughts on parenting, from both experts and peers, should guide our conscience more than what was right back then — even a generation or two ago.

My grandmother hit the back of my mother’s legs with a switch. And this has always been the first thing my mother says, whenever she talks about her mother. Who her mother was to her is the person who hit her with a switch.

I remember vividly the very occasional spankings that my siblings and I received; but I don’t remember the reason for a single one of them. If that was to teach us a lesson, I don’t recall the lesson. And so, in addition to my visceral repulsion at the thought of hitting a child, there’s the knowledge that it’s not effective to do so.

All of which is beside the point when it comes to Adrian Peterson. He hit a 4-year-old child repeatedly, in anger powerful enough that he wasn’t aware (he says) of the extent of physical harm he was causing. And according to his own statements, this wasn’t the first time; he’d done similar things when his children were younger than 4. Peterson might need psychological rehabilitation more than jail time; but let’s be clear: This wasn’t corporal punishment, it was cruel and angry abuse.

The Rev. Amy Pringle
St. George’s Episcopal Church
La Cañada Flintridge

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When I was young, everyone believed in corporal punishment. I still believe but with reservations. Then, it wasn’t only school principals who possessed paddles, but teachers and also janitors. I recall a shop teacher who drilled holes in his to make it more “aerodynamic!” How’s that for buying into a concept?

Having received more than about a dozen paddlings, I agree that there’s a perennial abuse-versus-use problem. Parents should have been notified, but that wasn’t required in medieval times. I received many unwarranted public chastisements, and I believe that appropriateness must be taught. Thus said, I believe our current affairs with knock-out gamers, school bullying, and widespread incivility of youth has resulted via aversion to anything punishment. “Never hit a kid” is echoed, but then you wonder, “how do we punish atrocious behavior and modify it such that our children become civil adults?”

As a child of the ’60s and ’70s, let me say that adults weren’t properly tutored. Nonetheless, I do remember reading that nobody should spank without a “switch” or “paddle” because if bare hands are used it would ruin their offer of forgiveness once the punishment was finished. I still think that thoughtfully wise.

I also remember that parents shouldn’t punish angrily. Don’t “get back” at kids, but breathe, then spank because it’s appropriate for their own positive development.

We jail adults for bad behavior and we expect change, so let’s agree that punishment, generally, serves as deterrent. Now if spanking is warranted, it should be utilized. God said, “A rod and a reprimand impart wisdom, but a child left undisciplined disgraces its mother” (Pro 29:15). As well, “Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them” (Pro 13:24).

So “beating” is never divinely ordained, but spanking is (when absolutely necessary). Enough said.

The Rev. Bryan Griem
Montrose Community Church
Montrose

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There is a Biblical verse that says, “Those who spare the rod hate their children, but those who love them are diligent to discipline them (Proverbs 13:24).” I have told my congregation more than once not to use Scripture as a way to strengthen their prejudices, and it is quite easy to do that! If you are antigay, you can find any number of Scripture verses that support your viewpoint. If you believe in slavery, great! So does the Bible! You and I may have only one spouse at a time, but not so in the Bible.

The point I’m after is that we live in a time, at least in the West, when we consider the rights of everyone, including children and including prisoners. Everybody has “rights,” it would seem, and my own belief is that a child has the right not to be whipped into submission. As a child I personally felt the swat of my father’s hand or of my mother’s Ping-Pong paddle — once my mother even hit me with a fly swatter, because she had it in her hand and I did something for which I should have been punished. (By the way, I didn’t cry, but my mother did, and that may have been the last time either of my parents raised a hand against me.)

I like to think we have evolved or are evolving into people who eschew violence — but if you had an abusive parent, chances are that you’ll be abusive, too, will accept abuse from a loved one, and will even physically abuse your own children because you were raised that way. Our society needs to stop and ask the question, “Wait! Is violence really the only way to solve problems?” With all the attention the NFL is getting right now, we really may be ready to turn a corner and say, “Wait! Violence is not OK, even if she is your wife or your child!”

The Rev. Skip Lindeman
La Cañada Congregational Church
La Cañada Flintridge

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I believe that spanking a child on their behind is the harshest corporal punishment a parent should perform. If the spanking is done correctly; meaning enough to get the point across, without damaging the child physically or emotionally, then, after two or three times, the mere hint of an impending spanking, such as rubbing one hand across the palm of the other by either parent, will serve as a warning of possible punishment to come and can deter the causative improper behavior. Also, this activity hurts the parent as well, indicating that the parent’s discipline policy is not working. Time to find a new plan. Discipline and punishment are not the same. The best discipline plan I follow comes from Lee Cantor’s “Assertive Discipline.” He states strongly that for every negative there must be a positive. In other words for every time you express anger, disappointment or disapproval of your child’s action, remember to praise your child whenever you have joy, pride of accomplishment, or approve of their behavior. In that manner the child knows that there is love for him/her. Also, remember to say to your child, “I love you, but your behavior is what I don’t like.” This keeps the child’s self image out of the discussion and can help the parent and child come to an understanding of what is expected of the child. The parents can truly say, “There are universal rules of proper behavior, not just our expectations for you.” Always remember children have the right to expect discipline from loving parents, not a “switch” to punishment.

Rabbi Mark Sobel
Temple Beth Emet
Burbank

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As someone who grew up in a family where mild forms of corporal punishment were practiced (no switches or belts), I often preferred that to the parental “talks” about my behavior. But what we are hearing about in the case of Adrian Peterson and his son is not the same kind of discipline I experienced. It is abuse. When visible bruises and scars are caused by parental discipline, things have gotten out of hand. Teaching “right from wrong” should not require injury to a child, whatever one’s family or cultural experiences have been.

The underlying problem, as I see it, is the acceptance and support of brutality in our society. We see the glorification of violence in our movies, in our military and police actions, and in sports. It is then not unexpected that a football hero would be expressing the same kind of hostility in his family that he is paid to exemplify on the field. The fact that the perpetrator of this violence is a famous person gains our attention because it is “news.” But how many other children that we don’t hear about are experiencing the same kind of abuse by their parents and others? When 70% of those polled say they support corporal punishment, we have a much larger problem than just one incident.

I can’t say that my opinions about corporal punishment have changed over the years, but my concern about it has. Aggression is not the way to solve problems. And I believe, as a member of the clergy, that I have an obligation to stand up for anyone who is being harmed and to work with others to support nonviolent ways of dealing with issues. If we can teach people to work out their problems in ways that create peaceful resolution, whether at home or in the larger community, we have a chance to make our communities and our world a nurturing place for all.

That is my hope and commitment.
Rev. Dr. Betty Stapleford
Unitarian Universalist Church of the Verdugo Hills
La Crescenta

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Even those who believe in corporal punishment would probably agree that Peterson stepped over the line when, according to news accounts, his blows drew blood.

One of the perils of spanking or “switching” a child is that the parents’ anger and frustration may lead to violence that they never intended. When this happens, the discipline can turn into abuse.

The LDS church doesn’t have a policy regarding corporal punishment per se, but views the physical abuse of a child or spouse as a grave transgression. The church’s position is based in part on Christ’s statement regarding those who “shall offend one of these little ones.” Our view of abuse also is rooted in the belief that relationships should be guided by a Christlike love for one another.

Personally, my view of corporal punishment changed after I became a parent. Like many of my generation, I was reared in a culture that condoned spanking of children. My parents, and those of my friends, spanked, often with belts or switches. Many teachers kept wooden paddles in their desks. I don’t think spanking actually prevented misbehavior. Stoic acceptance of a school paddling was in fact a badge of honor, of sorts.

As a parent, I decided there was little value in inflicting pain on a young child who, born in a state of innocence, still was learning right from wrong. For both young and older children, corporal punishment can send the message that it is acceptable to strike out when we become angry or frustrated. In other words, we risk sending the wrong message about the nature of good family relationships.

Michael White
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
La Crescenta