COMMENTS & CURIOSITIES

PETER BUFFA

Welcome to Miami, and thank you for choosing American. Yikes. Now

there’s a story that’ll bring your seatback to the full and upright

position. As you’ve heard, federal drug busters flashed their badges and

said, “Hi,” to 59 workers at Miami International Airport. Most of them

were employees of American and 13 worked for Sky Chefs, an in-flight

catering company. The sting also netted an INS official, a U.S.

Department of Agriculture inspector and a Broward County corrections

officer. How the smuggling ring was discovered is as bizarre as the rest

of the story. In April 1997, a pilot complained that a cup of coffee from

the galley had a strange taste. (Which reminds me, do you know why

cannibals never eat clowns? They taste funny.) Anyway, a flight attendant

checked the coffee maker and discovered that some of the packets of

coffee were filled with a white powder -- heroin to be exact.

That launched a two-year sting called “Operation Ramp Rats.” Ramp rats

is a nickname for ramp workers -- baggage handlers, fuelers, etc. Over

the two years, more than 650 pounds of bogus cocaine and heroin were

smuggled on and off American flights by ramp rats and food service

workers with the help of the three government officials gone bad. To make

the story as horrific as possible, the contraband also included three

hand grenades, a semiautomatic handgun and ammunition. Everything had

been disarmed, of course, but even a warning from undercover agents that

the hand grenades had to be “handled carefully” didn’t stop two workers

from slipping the bags into overhead compartments on crowded flights. One

of the two did show a little concern, though. He said he wouldn’t smuggle

any more hand grenades because he was afraid he might blow himself up.

Whoever drafted the official statement from American’s headquarters

displayed about the same level of judgment. It said that American

cooperated fully with the [ Stepping Column ]investigation and that “...

we are disturbed that a small group of employees were part of this

smuggling ring.” Hmm, I see. But answer me this. How many smugglers does

it take to qualify as a large group? In fairness to American, workers at

Delta Airlines were indicted for forgetting to declare $1 billion worth

of cocaine on flights from Colombia in 1996. OK, but we’ve all been

there. You dash into the Duty Free shop, you grab a Tag-Heuer, some

drugs, a bottle of Glenlivet, and boom, there’s the boarding

announcement. It’s understandable.

Speaking of outrage, is everyone mad enough at HMOs? Patients are upset.

Doctors are frustrated. Politicians are up in arms. As is so often the

case, what we have here is a failure to communicate. (Who said it, in

what movie? Answer to come.) With a little understanding and some honest

dialogue, I’m sure we can sort this thing out. Actually, managed care is

pretty simple. The first step is to decide if an HMO is right for you.

And yes, I know, the terminology can be very confusing for a layperson

like yourself. HMO is an acronym for “Health,” um, “Something Something.”

HMOs are usually the best choice for people who don’t plan to age or get

sick. As an alternative, you might consider a PPO, which is like an HMO,

except the, uh, first two letters are different. (It was Strother Martin,

in “Cool Hand Luke.”)

In order to help you, I’ve prepared a plain talk, common sense guide to

HMOs, PPOs, UFOs and 3CPOs, including a FAQ (Frequently Asked Questions)

section.

Q: With an HMO, how difficult is it to choose the doctor I want?

A: No more difficult than choosing your parents. Your HMO will provide

you with a booklet listing all the doctors in your area who are

participating in the plan, organized into three categories. Category One

includes participating physicians who are no longer accepting new

patients. Category Two includes those who are accepting new patients but

are no longer participating in the plan. Category Three includes

physicians who are in the plan, accepting new patients, and have an

office no more than 75 miles from your home.

[ Stepping Column ]Q: What if I become ill away from home?

A: It’s imperative that you make an appointment with your primary care

physician as soon as you return home. If it’s an emergency, go to the

nearest full-service pharmacy and tell them you don’t feel good.

Q: I think I need to see a specialist, but my primary care physician

assures me he can perform the procedure I need. Can a GP really perform

an angioplasty in his office?

A: Without interviewing your family care physician, we are unable to

provide a definitive answer. However, if it works, it would preclude the

need for a specialist. In either case, your exposure is limited to the

$10 copayment.

Q: Do all diagnostic procedures require precertification?

A: No. Only the ones you need.

Q: What are preexisting conditions?

A: “Preexisting” is a phrase used by health care professionals who are

grammatically challenged. It means “existing.” Much like “irregardless,”

it has been so overused that we are now prestuck with it.

Q: Am I covered for preexisting conditions?

A: Yes. As long as they don’t require any treatment. Conditions that

might require treatment will be evaluated on a case-specific basis, such

as claims of respiratory illness from patients who had a respiratory

system when they joined the plan -- i.e., a preexisting condition.

Q: Can I choose alternative forms of medicine?

A: Yes. As long as you have alternative forms of payment.

So there you have it. If you have any other questions about managed care

programs and what’s best for you, please don’t hesitate to contact me.

And remember, the next time the gate agent asks you if anyone has asked

you to carry anything on board, don’t ever say -- no matter how tempting

-- “Does it matter?” I gotta go.

PETER BUFFA is a former Costa Mesa mayor. His column runs Fridays. E-mail

him at o7 PtrB4@AOL.com.f7