EDITOR’S NOTEBOOK

EDITOR’S NOTE: The following is an encore presentation of a column

that runs each fall.

Dear wives of “over-eager” AYSO dads,

You’ll probably get in a fight if you say what I’m about to, so simply

clip this article and give it to your husband. Do it before the soccer

season starts today, before he makes a fool of himself -- and a wreck of

your child.

The sad fact is THAT, on every Newport-Mesa soccer field for the next

11 weeks, there will be at least a couple of problem dads. These are

grown men who scream at their kids -- defenseless children as young as 4

-- like they’re channeling Vince Lombardi. And a few fathers won’t stop

there; they yell at other kids, coaches and referees -- basically

anything that breathes on the soccer field.

I’m not sure what gets into us males. Some deadly combination of

testosterone, pride and low self-esteem. We all have it within us to be

jerky dads on Saturday, behaving as if it mattered how well our child can

kick a ball. We all have the impulse to scream, yell, rant and rave in an

ill-conceived attempt to make our kids better soccer players. It’s

absurd; it never works. Most of us know this intellectually, and muster

enough self-control to shout only encouragement as our sons and daughters

race up and down the field.

But, for the exceptions among us, here are 10 things to keep in mind.

1. AYSO’s official motto: “Everyone plays.”

2. AYSO’s unofficial motto: “Remember, it’s for the kids. Have fun.”

3. It makes no difference who wins the game. It’s youth soccer, for

gosh sakes. Don’t celebrate too loudly when your team wins; don’t be too

disappointed when your team loses.

4. It doesn’t matter how your pride-and-joy plays; it only matters if

he or she has fun.

5. No one on earth plays better while being yelled at.

6. Soccer is a tough game. Try it yourself sometime -- and then try it

while someone you love is screaming at you.

7. While the outcome of these games is less than meaningless, the

lessons learned in them will last a lifetime. Lessons like how to be a

good sport, how to win or lose with character, and how to simply enjoy

the competition.

8. The referees -- volunteer moms and dads -- will make bad calls,

almost every one going against your team. So what? Life’s full of bad

calls; and the answer’s not to complain about them, but to deal with

them.

9. Put your energies to better uses. Instead of yelling at your kid,

try learning the names of all the players on the team and shout “Good

job, So-and-so” to each one all game long.

10. How you behave matters; it will affect your kid forever. Ask any

grown-up for an athletic war story. Adults can remember, in vivid detail,

the stinging words of their parent or coach, even decades later.

I played sports through high school and into college. And I had all

sorts of coaches, from the awful to the inspiring. For each one, I can

remember, almost verbatim, the personal attacks.

But my dad’s words cut even deeper. Whether delivered from the stands

or after the game in the car, his critiques on the games I played still

roam uncomfortably in my head: Good game, son, but ... you should have,

you could have, why didn’t you?

He was trying to make me a better athlete, but a more effective

strategy would have been: Good game, son, I’m proud of you. Let’s get a

pizza to celebrate. End of critique.

So Saturday, dads, do yourself -- and especially your kids -- a favor

and zip it up. Cram a soccer ball in your mouth if you have to, but just

let your kid play.

It’s only a game. Don’t make it something else.

* WILLIAM LOBDELL is the editor of Times Community News. His e-mail

address is wmlob@aol.com.