WHAT’S UP

It worked once before

T

As the Dr. Laura vs. Beach Access case excites a national audience, it is

fitting that I am reading the biography of a man born in 1809. In the

book, author David Herbert Donald writes of a duel in which the subject

participated in 1842: “Left to himself, he probably would have made peace

with [his challenger] ... But [he] made the mistake of consulting a

hot-blooded young Springfield physician, Dr. Elias Merryman, who clearly

wanted a duel to take place.”

Reading that, it struck me that there are a lot of Elias Merrymans out

there, people egging on both sides; people with nothing to lose. And when

it’s over, the only ones who will come out ahead are the lawyers. But

I’ve got a solution that I believe will enable everyone to get out of

this mess with their reputations intact.

Tom Moore, the owner of the Beach Access store assailed by Dr. Laura on

her radio program, does not carry pornographic material in his store. For

more than 25 years, he has been a responsible businessman and is now the

father of two small kids. Conversely, Dr. Laura is not any of the names

she has been called in the past few weeks.

“We have a lot of families shopping in the store,” Moore told me. “They’d

never shop here if we had pornography in the store. We were sent a free

magazine that, unfortunately, made its way to the sales floor. We removed

it as soon as [Dr. Laura] left the store.”

Dr. Laura is right about the magazine, a sad consequence of our First

Amendment. But by the time Moore sent Dr. Laura a letter of apology, the

toothpaste was out of the tube.

“The letter was sent because we had an unhappy customer. The last thing

we want is an unhappy customer,” Moore said. It’s nice to know that Moore

would have sent the letter had it been to some regular Joe, and it’s also

nice to know that Dr. Laura hasn’t lowered her guard on material she

considers offensive. But as tempers flared, some folks who should have

been minding their own business jumped into the fray. Some unfortunate

remarks were made, so Dr. Laura sued. Quite frankly, if someone said

those things about me, I’d be upset, too.

And this mess is not a stalemate. Dr. Laura has the money to spend

whatever it takes to get satisfaction, and Tom Moore has the help of a

start-up defense fund in his name. When I asked him how he felt about

Larry Flynt’s offer to contribute to his legal fund, Moore said, “I’m

uncomfortable with the whole situation.” That’s not a yes or a no. But it

tells me that this case could go on for a long time. And still, the only

ones who will come out ahead are the lawyers and folks disguised as

modern Elias Merrymans -- people motivated for the wrong reasons who have

nothing to lose.

My suggestion for the resolution of this duel is designed to remove the

distracting elements so that the two parties can concentrate on the

facts. This case is not about money. Dr. Laura doesn’t need it, and I

don’t believe Moore wants it. Here’s how it works:

Dr. Laura presses her suit against Moore, but with one modification.

Instead of suing for $1,000,000, she sues for $1. Moore counter-sues,

also for $1, for his loss of business because, according to Moore, his

sales this month are down compared to the same month last year. By doing

this, both of them get their day in court, but Larry Flynt, undoubtedly

making both sides squirm, is out of their hair.

No lawyers, no filters, no legal bills, no Larry Flynt, no big money at

stake. The cases must be heard only on their merits in small claims court

where justice is still present in its purest form. It’s only plaintiff,

defendant, a judge and the facts and no one in between to put a spin on

things or work the media. You tell your story and you get a verdict.

But I’ll really hope for a resolution similar to the one in that Missouri

meadow back in 1842. Both men held their swords, mutually agreed to

withdraw the written documents that caused the commotion in the first

place and simply walked away. Eighteen years later, one of the men,

Abraham Lincoln, became president.

STEVE SMITH is a Costa Mesa resident and freelance writer. He can be

reached at (949) 642-6086 or by e-mail at o7

dailypilot@earthlink.net.f7