THE FRED COLUMN -- fred martin

Until this year, I seldom gave a thought to domestic violence.

It never involved my wife or me, nor did I know of any friends who were

beating one another up.

Basically, domestic violence didn’t exist for me until last February when

I volunteered for the Larimer County Sheriff’s Victim Response Team.

I haven’t kept track of all the call-outs, but I’m sure at least half our

business involves helping victims of domestic violence, almost all of

whom are women or their children.

According to the Department of Justice, a woman is battered every 15

seconds. Stretch out those stats and that means 5,760 every day, 40,320

every week and 2,102,400 every year.

That’s why October is National Domestic Violence Awareness month, and

that’s why I’m writing today’s column.

A few other statistics: Half of all women in relationships, marriage or

otherwise, will be victims of domestic violence and for 24% to 30% of

them, it will be an ongoing, regular occurrence. The rate is almost

double for women with a disability.

Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women 15-44.

Sixty-three percent of women 11-20 who are serving time for homicide have

killed their mother’s abuser.

Half the homeless women and children on the street are fleeing a violent

situation. One study shows that about 30% of abusers are professional

types -- including doctors, lawyers, business executives, probably even

some newspaper columnists.

I was not able to find a statistic that describes the escalation of

domestic violence to homicide, but there is clearly a connection. A study

in the New England Journal of Family Medicine showed that homes

experiencing domestic violence were almost five times more likely to be

the scene of a homicide than homes without violence.

The study also found that, in homes with a handgun, it is 43 times more

likely that a family member or acquaintance will be killed in the home

than an intruder.

And so it goes with domestic violence: It builds and builds, grows ever

more prevalent, ever more violent until it gets an awareness month of its

own.

My personal experience with domestic violence began with the first call I

made as a victim advocate. It involved a woman who had been out all

night, “sitting up with a sick friend,” she said. Her husband wasn’t

buying this, so he chased her with a hunting knife.

Six months later, there was another case involving the same couple. Same

“sick friend” excuse again. There was a fight and the father’s

10-year-old boy tried to intervene. She shoved him into a table, which

then officially became a deadly weapon. This time, she went to jail.

On other calls we have made, the weapons included head butts, telephones,

simple fists and walls. In a case on Labor Day, a 12-year-old boy went

after his mother with a kitchen knife.

Not all cases involve force or weapons. Psychological terrorism,

intimidation, threats, sexual abuse, constant teasing, even pinching can

all be components, or warnings, of domestic abuse.

Frankly, I do not understand how a man can beat up a woman, and

especially someone he supposedly loves. Nor do I understand how a woman

can allow herself to be subjected to beatings over and over again.

Beating up a woman or a child, I think, is as cowardly an act as a human

can perform. Even wild animals are more civilized.

Domestic violence exists at all socioeconomic levels. The safe house here

in Fort Collins -- its location a tightly held secret -- recently took in

a woman and her three children from another city in Colorado. She was the

wife of a wealthy professional man, who had been abusing her for years.

Finally, she said, something snapped one night when her husband was out.

She took the kids, bundled them into the car and fled.

She had no food, no money, no checking account, no credit cards; her

husband allowed her just a few dollars a week, a common tactic. All she

had was a few items of clothing, toys and blankets for sleeping in the

car.

For days, she begged for food and gas, wandering aimlessly. Finally,

someone told her she could find shelter at Crossroads House in Fort

Collins (there is even help here for pets, in a companion program called

Crosstrails, which finds foster homes for family pets).

National Domestic Violence Awareness month exists to create action, not

just consciousness. If you’re in a violent marriage or relationship, get

out, or at least seek help.

If you have a friend who is a victim, try and get them to get out or seek

help. Butt in. Do something.

* FRED MARTIN is a former Newport Beach resident who now writes from his

new home in Fort Collins, Colo. His column runs on Wednesdays.