No tack

How many times have we heard the saying, “The other night I went to

a fight and a hockey game broke out? Too many times.

Hockey was designed by lumberjacks living to the north of our border.

Considering the fact that this Canadian activity involves men who leave

their street closthes, wallets and teeth in the lockerroom before going

out on the ice, certainly adds to the saying’s credibility.

I can’t remember attending a hockey game when at least one player

didn’t feel it was necessary to exercise his sullen pretense of

masculinity. Into the boards - high sticking - a stick jab here, a stick

jab there, ei-ei-o.

An argument could be made that many spectators attend a hockey game

just to see the platelets fly and the players scream profanities at one

another through their gums.

The same can be said for the many who go to see the crash, rather than

an auto race.

I don’t remember observing this kind of behavior on the golf course,

tennis court or other activities, and it’s rare when the “spitting, while

adjusting their whatevers,” baseball players, resort to a child-like

resolve. It is comforting to me that fishing, cruising and sailing is an

activity reserved for gentlemen and ladies, protocol, colorful flags, you

know, Corinthian people.

Well Bucko, I’m wrong again.

Last Sunday the sun as blazing, the wind was adequate and several

boats in several classes, lined up for the start of the 20th annual

Voyager Yacht Club’s “Hot Rum Series.”

This is an inside-the-harbor race held on four Sundays sailed over

four months, and is usually is less taxing than preparing for an open,

ocean race. It’s supposed to be fun and it was.

That is, until one skipper decided he would rather race with hockey

rules, rather than those observed by the yachting community. He threw out

protocol, yachting rules, decent language and the ability to be just a

little bit polite. He rewrote the definition of the word, “obnoxious!”

Apparently two boats were converging together. Port tack - starboard

tack, who knows?

Both said the other boat was wrong. The race committee boat was out of

view and therefore, the only reports of a rule infraction came from the

skippers of the two boats.

A protest was filed and the race committee met to discuss the possible

rule violation.

The outcome of the ruling would determine the race winner. One skipper

entered the judging committee room, screaming that if he didn’t win, they

were all going to hear from his attorney. He was combative, threatening

and just plain old rude.

The committee asked him to send in his witnesses, only to find out

that he promptly went upstairs and popped the other skipper in the face,

knocking him to the yacht club floor.

Now that resolves, doesn’t it?

The police were summoned and this “boating Bluto buffoon” runs to his

vehicle to escape the fracas. How brave.

He didn’t return and his witnesses never surfaced, so the race

committee rightfully awarded the win to the man lying under the bar

stool.

Bluto would have been disqualified anyway for throwing a sucker punch.

You see real men confront one another face-to-face. This bloke was

also approximately 6-foot-4 and 275 pounds, taking on a man 5-9 and 170

pounds.

It’s reported this is not the first time this silly sailor has

resorted to fisticuffs to resolve his inability to win races on the race

course, and has been banned entering at least one yacht club.

His behavior was inexcusable no matter what boat was heeling port or

starboard.

Governing associations unite and get this individual back to the

hockey rink where he belongs. He is not welcome on the water. Let’s just

hope US Sailing has more teeth than a hockey player.

TERRANCE PHILLIPS’ boating column appears every Friday. He can be

reached at (949) 574-4223.