COMMENTS & CURIOSITIES -- peter buffa
We’ve all been there. I know you’ve been there. I was there just the
other day. Used to be the Price Club. Now it’s Costco.
Fascinating place. There’s an important cultural statement there, but I
haven’t quite figured it out. To begin with, the sizes are mind-boggling.
When I see someone buying a jar of mayonnaise the size of a propane tank,
or a box of Raisin Bran that could double as an armoire, I’d love to know
more about them. But I never have the nerve to ask: “What do you do with
the stuff? Eat it, sell it, give it away? Are you a cook in a prison?
What’s the deal? Just tell me.”
It’s also a brilliant exercise in impulse buying. Everything is laid out
just so, to subliminally nudge you to pick up items you have no intention
of buying, then drop them in your basket in a semiconscious haze.
Let’s say you need some AA batteries. Piece o’ cake. You park, run in,
grab some batteries, run out. Dream on. By the time you get to the check
stand, you’ll have two packs of batteries, a 64-roll package of toilet
paper, a blouse, artichokes and a coffee table book on the great rivers
of America.
A few years ago, I was behind a young couple in the checkout line. Their
flatbed cart was piled high with a staggering array of items, topped off
with the biggest batch of bananas I’d ever seen. The husband turned and
noticed I was staring in awe at their cart. He broke into a sheepish grin
and said quietly: “Everything is so cheap. We can’t afford to shop here
anymore.”
Speaking of shopping, it’s almost here. You know it. I know it. There’s
no way around it. Thanksgiving will be a brief diversion, but a mere 30
days later, it’s Hark the Good King Tannenbaum, etc.
I want to be excited. I really do. But I’ve lost my zeal for the
holidays. I want it back. I’m just not sure how to do it.
My Christmas spirit still runs deep, but it needs to be renewed. Which
reminds me of a great line from Tim Allen in an episode of “Home
Improvement” episode. On Christmas Day, one of his children is whining
about wanting to go to a friend’s house right after dinner. “What’s wrong
with wanting to be with people you like on Christmas?,” he asks. “Look,”
Allen says, “the holidays aren’t about being with people you like.
They’re about being with your family.”
I can tell you about someone, though, who hasn’t lost his zeal for
holidays, life, or anything else. Mahir Cagri. What do you mean you
haven’t heard of him? It’s a common name. Mahir Cagri is the latest in a
growing list of Internet celebrities.
Awhile back, Mr. Cagri, a resident of Turkey, posted a Web page on the
Internet, complete with an assortment of pictures of himself in various
settings -- the cyber-equivalent of a personal ad. Were it not for the
magic of the Internet, this anonymously pleasant Turk would have remained
pleasantly anonymous.
His Web site is extremely, though unintentionally, funny and has found
its way onto the e-mail comedy circuit. What has made Mahir an
international cyber-celeb is his command, or the lack thereof, of the
English language.
Mahir seems to be a kind, educated man, always polite. But his English
needed a wee bit more practice before he took his act on the information
superhighway. Butchering the language might be offensive in the hands of
another, but Mahir is so enthusiastically over the top about life, love
and anything else that you just can’t help but root for the guy.
Apparently, the first English Mahir learned was the exclamation point.
Here is an excerpt:
“Welcome To My Home Page!!!! I Kiss You!!!! I like music, I have many
many music enstrumans my home I can play. I like sport, swiming,
basketball, tenis, volayball, walk. I like travel. I go 3-4 country every
year. My profession jurnalist, music and sport teacher, I make psycolojy
doctora. I like to take foto-camera (amimals, towns, nice nude models and
peoples.) My tall 1.84 cm (6.2 feet) My weight 78 kg. My eyes green. I
live alone !!!! I have home, car. I like to be friendship from different
country. I live in TURKEY - town IZMIR. Who is want to come TURKEY I can
invitate. She can stay my home. I speake turkish, english, rusian. I want
to learn other language!”
There are a number of links where you can find even more detail on Mahir
and his ebullient philosophy of life, such as the opening to Mahir’s life
story:
“Somethings in life happen bayond one’s control. Just like having an
accident, winning a price, or having something fall on your head while
walking through. That’s how my homepage’s story went on, beyond my
control, a trick of technology.” Finally, the always considerate Mahir
offers a disclaimer about some of the photos on his home page, which have
obviously been cropped: “I had to cut out persons pictures except Mahir
in this page cause of to show respect their private life.”
Well, Mahir, I would be honored to have you invitate me to your home. As
a psycolojy doctora, I know you understand the allure of faraway lands. I
would also like to see your many music enstrumans, and I’m curious to
know if you speake rusian as well as you speake English. But, given the
size of your heart, it doesn’t matter.
As for the rest of us, if we need a lift during the holidays, we can try
Mahir’s home page. And so, from Turkey, Happy Tangsgiving Averyones! I
gotta go.
* PETER BUFFA is a former Costa Mesa mayor. His column runs Fridays. He
can be reached via e-mail at o7 PtrB4@AOL.comf7 .
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