COMMENTS & CURIOSITIES -- peter buffa

We’ve all been there. I know you’ve been there. I was there just the

other day. Used to be the Price Club. Now it’s Costco.

Fascinating place. There’s an important cultural statement there, but I

haven’t quite figured it out. To begin with, the sizes are mind-boggling.

When I see someone buying a jar of mayonnaise the size of a propane tank,

or a box of Raisin Bran that could double as an armoire, I’d love to know

more about them. But I never have the nerve to ask: “What do you do with

the stuff? Eat it, sell it, give it away? Are you a cook in a prison?

What’s the deal? Just tell me.”

It’s also a brilliant exercise in impulse buying. Everything is laid out

just so, to subliminally nudge you to pick up items you have no intention

of buying, then drop them in your basket in a semiconscious haze.

Let’s say you need some AA batteries. Piece o’ cake. You park, run in,

grab some batteries, run out. Dream on. By the time you get to the check

stand, you’ll have two packs of batteries, a 64-roll package of toilet

paper, a blouse, artichokes and a coffee table book on the great rivers

of America.

A few years ago, I was behind a young couple in the checkout line. Their

flatbed cart was piled high with a staggering array of items, topped off

with the biggest batch of bananas I’d ever seen. The husband turned and

noticed I was staring in awe at their cart. He broke into a sheepish grin

and said quietly: “Everything is so cheap. We can’t afford to shop here

anymore.”

Speaking of shopping, it’s almost here. You know it. I know it. There’s

no way around it. Thanksgiving will be a brief diversion, but a mere 30

days later, it’s Hark the Good King Tannenbaum, etc.

I want to be excited. I really do. But I’ve lost my zeal for the

holidays. I want it back. I’m just not sure how to do it.

My Christmas spirit still runs deep, but it needs to be renewed. Which

reminds me of a great line from Tim Allen in an episode of “Home

Improvement” episode. On Christmas Day, one of his children is whining

about wanting to go to a friend’s house right after dinner. “What’s wrong

with wanting to be with people you like on Christmas?,” he asks. “Look,”

Allen says, “the holidays aren’t about being with people you like.

They’re about being with your family.”

I can tell you about someone, though, who hasn’t lost his zeal for

holidays, life, or anything else. Mahir Cagri. What do you mean you

haven’t heard of him? It’s a common name. Mahir Cagri is the latest in a

growing list of Internet celebrities.

Awhile back, Mr. Cagri, a resident of Turkey, posted a Web page on the

Internet, complete with an assortment of pictures of himself in various

settings -- the cyber-equivalent of a personal ad. Were it not for the

magic of the Internet, this anonymously pleasant Turk would have remained

pleasantly anonymous.

His Web site is extremely, though unintentionally, funny and has found

its way onto the e-mail comedy circuit. What has made Mahir an

international cyber-celeb is his command, or the lack thereof, of the

English language.

Mahir seems to be a kind, educated man, always polite. But his English

needed a wee bit more practice before he took his act on the information

superhighway. Butchering the language might be offensive in the hands of

another, but Mahir is so enthusiastically over the top about life, love

and anything else that you just can’t help but root for the guy.

Apparently, the first English Mahir learned was the exclamation point.

Here is an excerpt:

“Welcome To My Home Page!!!! I Kiss You!!!! I like music, I have many

many music enstrumans my home I can play. I like sport, swiming,

basketball, tenis, volayball, walk. I like travel. I go 3-4 country every

year. My profession jurnalist, music and sport teacher, I make psycolojy

doctora. I like to take foto-camera (amimals, towns, nice nude models and

peoples.) My tall 1.84 cm (6.2 feet) My weight 78 kg. My eyes green. I

live alone !!!! I have home, car. I like to be friendship from different

country. I live in TURKEY - town IZMIR. Who is want to come TURKEY I can

invitate. She can stay my home. I speake turkish, english, rusian. I want

to learn other language!”

There are a number of links where you can find even more detail on Mahir

and his ebullient philosophy of life, such as the opening to Mahir’s life

story:

“Somethings in life happen bayond one’s control. Just like having an

accident, winning a price, or having something fall on your head while

walking through. That’s how my homepage’s story went on, beyond my

control, a trick of technology.” Finally, the always considerate Mahir

offers a disclaimer about some of the photos on his home page, which have

obviously been cropped: “I had to cut out persons pictures except Mahir

in this page cause of to show respect their private life.”

Well, Mahir, I would be honored to have you invitate me to your home. As

a psycolojy doctora, I know you understand the allure of faraway lands. I

would also like to see your many music enstrumans, and I’m curious to

know if you speake rusian as well as you speake English. But, given the

size of your heart, it doesn’t matter.

As for the rest of us, if we need a lift during the holidays, we can try

Mahir’s home page. And so, from Turkey, Happy Tangsgiving Averyones! I

gotta go.

* PETER BUFFA is a former Costa Mesa mayor. His column runs Fridays. He

can be reached via e-mail at o7 PtrB4@AOL.comf7 .