WHAT’S UP? -- steve smith
How pathetic is the college football scene for USC and UCLA fans? Let’s
put it this way: If this season were a local restaurant, it would be
Windows on the Bay -- lots of potential but underachieving. The Taco Bell
across the street from (pick a Newport-Mesa high school) is cleaning up
compared to our eatery.
And how sad is it that the Bruins, recent spoilers in their game against
Washington, and the Trojans, recent strugglers against (insert any team
here), are banking on a victory today to salvage the season.
With 4-6 records, both teams have no bowl prospects and only pride to win
in the annual cross-town rivalry.
For USC Coach Paul Hackett, a win may mean salvaging his job, too,
although major Trojan fan Paul Brosche believes Hackett’s job is safe.
Still, I can’t recall a season when the game meant so much yet meant so
little.
Still, it’s the Big Game and for those of you who don’t quite understand
what the fuss is all about, here’s an explanation: The Trojans and Bruins
don’t like each other. Oh, you won’t get anyone to admit it, but it’s
true.
Most of the time, we walk around acting gentlemanly and saying all the
right things, but we don’t mean a word of it. The fact is that these
polar opposite schools of higher learning despise each other so much that
jobs have been lost, fortunes gambled away and marriages dissolved over
loyalties to the two institutions.
So intense is this dislike that the Bruins and Trojans have resorted to
some desperate tactics in order to get the other’s goat. In the past, a
USC icon, a statue on campus nicknamed “Tommy Trojan,” has been smeared
by stealthy Bruins with nearly every substance known to man and his sword
has been stolen and held for ransom. Heavy plastic wrap and 24-hour
guards posted near game day have solved that problem.
Then there were the legendary card tricks, with every game full of the
potential of national embarrassment should the Bruins flip their cards to
show “USC.” (Say, whatever happened to card stunts? In fact, whatever
happened to good, old college pranks of any kind? Let’s face it, there
are no more phone booths to stuff football players into and if you try to
set a record for swallowing the most goldfish, you’ll suffer the wrath of
some animal-rights organization.)
The subject of demeaning behavior brings to mind an activity that is an
annual ritual. It’s called the “friendly wager.” This used to be called a
“bet,” but upon reading of the crackdown on the alleged activities at The
Alley restaurant, I’m hesitant to be so specific. The last thing I want
is to be hauled away in leg irons minutes before kickoff.
This year, the ante has been upped. While my old friendly wager with my
Bruin friend Melo Amoroso has been a six-pack, I have been prompted to
participate in an affair that is a little more dicey.
This year, the Daily Pilot has arranged for Fred Martin, still a powerful
Bruin presence despite his relocation, and I to extol the virtues of the
rival school should we lose the game.
It also should be noted that I once again may feel the barbs of my
esteemed Daily Pilot colleague, Joe Bell, for not watching the game on
television. Because I don’t watch television, I was busy cleaning our
carpets during last year’s game, which I listened to on headphones.
This year, I thought I’d let Joe know that I have to make some minor
repairs to the backyard spa. Had I been of sound mind the last few weeks,
I already would have fixed the spa so that I could watch the Big Game
while I was soaking in the spa, not sweating under the sun repairing it.
The Bruins and Trojans may disagree on many things, but we are united in
the belief that regardless of these matching team records, dismal as they
are, anything can happen. Although USC is favored by six points, it
doesn’t mean a thing. But then again, I don’t care about the point spread
because I don’t bet. I make “friendly wagers,” and you can be darn sure I
won’t make them in Newport Beach.
* STEVE SMITH is a Costa Mesa resident and freelance writer. Replies can
be sent to the Daily Pilot at (949) 642-6086 or by e-mail to o7
dailypilot@latimes.comf7 or o7 stsmth19@idt.netf7 . The loser’s
column will appear in Tuesday’s edition.
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