THE VERDICT -- robert gardner

Some time ago, I wrote a column about Tiny Vaughn, constable of Newport

Beach township. I think it is only fair to write one about his

predecessor, Big Bill Ponting.

Tiny Vaughn defeated Big Bill Ponting not because of any popularity on

the part of Tiny. Actually, he was wildly distrusted as being something

of a scoundrel. The only reason Tiny Vaughn was elected was because of

Mrs. Vaughn, his wife.Mrs. Vaughn was highly respected and perhaps even

pitied because of her crippled husband and a son, Don, who seemed to

spend most of his time trying with more than moderate success to outrun

various police agencies and the highway patrol. In addition to this

sympathy vote, Mrs. Vaughn had a geographic advantage over Big Bill.

Big Bill lived just this side of the Santa Ana Country Club, which was

pretty far out of town. Mrs. Vaughn worked for Charlie TeWinkle, whose

hardware store was right downtown. Everyone who came downtown went first

to the post office, then to Pink’s drug store, and then to Charlie T’s.

Mrs. Vaughn had it made. Tiny Vaughn took over and the difference was

startling. Tiny ran around like a madman, arresting people right and

left. I doubt that Big Bill ever arrested anyone. He took a rather casual

attitude toward what others might consider antisocial conduct.

Big Bill was big. Well over 6 feet tall, he invariably wore a tall cowboy

hat and boots with high heels. The combination put him over 7 feet. In

addition, Big Bill sported quite a paunch.

One night in Stark’s saloon, a guy was caught cheating in the poker game

in the back room and was quite forcibly thrown out of the game. Angered,

probably drunk, he drew a rather large knife and came charging out of the

poker room into the saloon.

As it happened, Big Bill was standing at the bar. The irate former poker

player took a pass at Big Bill, which would have disemboweled him except

that Big Bill sucked his protruding belly in, and the knife passed over

him harmlessly.

Tiny Vaughn would have blown a large hole in the guy with his trusty

.45-caliber Colt. Did Big Bill draw his gun? No. He just said to the man,

“Sonny, you’d better put that knife away ‘fore you hurt somebody.”

Neglecting the advice, the knife-wielder next took a swipe at a man

called Deefy Johnson. Not as forgiving as Big Bill, Deefy broke up a

rocking chair and chased the knife-wielder around McFadden Square until

he caught him. With one wild sweep of the rocker, he split the

knife-wielder’s scalp until it folded down around his ears.

My favorite story about Big Bill is one he told whenever he could corner

an audience. Big Bill had a chicken coop in the back of his house that

contained quite a few chickens.

One night he heard his chickens making a lot of noise and surmised that a

coyote was bothering them. He got out of bed, grabbed his double-barreled

shotgun and, wearing his nightshirt, padded out to see what the problem

was. He crouched down on his haunches with his shotgun across his lap and

tried to look into the chicken coop.

At that moment, his faithful dog that had followed him from the house put

his cold nose on Bill’s bare behind. This caused a spontaneous reaction

by which Bill emptied both barrels of his shotgun, killing every chicken

in the coop.

At least that’s the way Big Bill Ponting told it.

* JUDGE GARDNER is a Corona del Mar resident and former judge. His column

runs Tuesdays.