Keep a candle burning

AMY R. SPURGEON

NEWPORT BEACH -- There is no easy way to ask a grieving parent

about their child who has died. But members of the Orange Coast Chapter

of the Compassionate Friends, an international support group for bereaved

parents and siblings, make it a point to talk about the pain.

“It is OK to say the name of a dead child,” said Vickie Bridgman, whose

son Donny died in an automobile accident in Newport Beach in May 1997.

“You don’t want them forgotten because they are precious.”

Hundreds turned out in Peninsula Park at the Balboa Pier Sunday to light

candles in honor of their departed loved ones at the third annual

Worldwide Candle Lighting ceremony on National Children’s Memorial Day.

The cold weather forced participants to bundle up in scarves and winter

jackets.

Husbands and wives held on tightly to one another while children clung to

their parents. People wiped tears from each other’s cheeks while holding

long, white candles.

Donny Bridgman. Shawn Mellen. Sierra Soto, one of the two children killed

at a Costa Mesa preschool in May. These were but a few of the names read

during a teary-eyed memorial service. Long, solemn faces filled the

crowd.

And the holidays only make things worse, many said.

“There are no words to say how impossible they are,” said Bridgman, who

works for the Orange County District Attorney’s Office. “It is not fun to

go to the malls and hear people singing.”

Since Donny’s death, the Bridgman’s have altered their lifestyle during

the holidays. The family used to travel to their cabin in the mountains

during Christmas, but have since decided the event is too painful. Their

wounds are still too raw.

But support groups such as the Compassionate Friends have helped the

Bridgmans make the choice to survive. The Bridgman’s attend group

meetings twice a month at a senior center in Irvine.

“Donny’s spirit lives in our hearts,” Vickie Bridgman said. “He is with

us everyday.”

People who belong to the bereavement group say it is therapeutic because

it provides a forum to meet and talk with people who have experienced the

same traumatic loss.

“These are people who aren’t going to be telling you it is going to be

all right,” said Stacy Blumberg Garon of Mission Viejo, whose

18-month-old son Sasha drowned in June 1998. “These are people telling

you that you will survive it.”

Don Mellen’s 18-year-old son Shawn died in an automobile accident in

August. Members of Shawn’s Magnolia High School football team turned out

Sunday to pay respects to their friend. Shawn’s girlfriend Jennifer stood

with Mellen, crying on his shoulder.

Mellen said he will continue to go to football and wrestling events at

the school in honor of his son who was supposed to graduate in June.

Shawn attended Newport Harbor High School when he was a freshman and

sophomore.

Bridgman orchestrated Sunday’s event as a way of thanking her support

group and to help others who have lost a child.

“We are rebuilding and trying to heal the best way we can,” she said.

“The pain is not going to go away.”