PETER BUFFA -- Comments & Curiosities
Bulls and bears. You know, the stock market -- Dow Jones, NASDAQ, etc.
Some interesting news from Wall Street this week. But first, a
disclaimer. Some of you might think you’re about to get some investment
advice or an inside scoop. Let me disabuse you of that notion as quickly
as possible.
What I know about the stock market could be inscribed on the head of a
pin with plenty of room left over for “Atlas Shrugged.”
I took one foray into the market years ago and it wasn’t pretty. You’ve
heard the term “day trader?” I was a “blink trader.”
Anyway, in the Microsoft antitrust case, Uncle Sam told Bill Gates that
he did a bad thing, and to go to his room and not package any more
products together until dinner. That sent the NASDAQ exchange -- where a
lot of tech stocks are traded -- into a tailspin. On paper, Bill lost
some $11 billion, which is a lot, in one day.
I hate it when that happens. Just think how you’d feel if 3% of your net
worth went up in smoke.
Speaking of things that rise and fall, ever heard of Krispy Kreme? Yes,
yes, I know. Some of you are howling with indignation, horrified at the
notion that there could actually be a person on this earth who hasn’t
heard. But just in case, they’re doughnuts.
On Wednesday, the stock market got a bit of badly needed levity when
Krispy Kreme went public. Everyone is watching to see if the shares hold
up as well as the doughnuts. There were endless puns on the evening news
about “dollars to doughnuts,” etc., etc.
The first Krispy Kreme store opened in 1937 in Winston-Salem, N.C., and
was mostly a Southern phenomenon until more recent years, when it grew to
140 stores in 20 states.
But whether they’re Dixie chicks or high plains drifters, Krispy Kreme
lovers become hooked at a very early age and can never be rehabilitated.
To be honest with you, I’d never heard of the things until a few months
ago. I was driving along Imperial Highway in La Habra and noticed a
doughnut store with a funny name.
Oddly enough, I saw a story on a news magazine that very night about
Krispy Kreme doughnuts, whose fans were so loyal they’d make the average
cult leader proud. Two of the people interviewed said they had made
career decisions based on whether or not a job offer was in a city with a
Krispy Kreme.
To Kremers, life is a random sequence of meaningless events that separate
one doughnut from the next. The Krispy Kreme gold standard is the glazed
raised, which was the only kind they made for years.
Apparently, Kremers achieve an even more intense state of nirvana when
the little things are warm. Kreme junkies gladly wait in lines that
stretch down the block for the next warm batch.
With one bite, their eyes roll up in their heads, their arms reach
skyward, and they begin speaking in tongues. Believe me, I have learned
my lesson. I will never ever say that I hadn’t heard of Krispy Kreme
again. There is even a legendary Krispy Kreme doughnut maker called the
“Ring King Jr.” stored in the Smithsonian.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not belittling people who obsess over food. If I
ever threw stones about that, I’d be severely injured by flying glass.
It’s just that doughnuts are not my thing, which is strange because when
it comes to food, very few things are not.
If we shift this discussion to Ferrara’s pastry shop in Little Italy, for
instance, the bonding with Krispy Kremers is immediate. Lightly running
my hand along the glass on the pastry counter is usually the last thing I
remember before the seizure. It doesn’t even phase my wife anymore. She
just asks people to stand back and shouts for someone to bring a cannoli.
But there’s no question doughnuts are an American institution. However,
if historical accuracy matters, they are actually a Dutch institution --
and they’re older than these United States by almost 200 years.
On their flight from England to the New World, the pilgrims had a 13-year
layover in Holland, where a popular confection was a small ball of sweet
dough fried in animal fat, not unlike what we call “doughnut holes.” The
Dutch called them o7 olykoekf7 , or “oily cake.”
The pilgrims took one bite and said, “Hmm, these are Gouda.”
But to them, the balls of dough looked like nuts, so they started to call
the things “dough nuts.”
When the Mayflower was finally ready to board, William Bradford called
everyone together and said “Two carry-ons per pilgrim, don’t forget the
doughnuts, let’s go.”
In 1809, Washington Irving paid tribute to the wildly popular doughnut in
his tongue-in-cheek “Knickerbocker’s History of New York” -- “sweetened
dough fried in hog’s fat and called dough nuts or olykoeks.”
We can thank the Pennsylvania Dutch (who are actually German) for what we
call doughnuts. They didn’t care for the soggy centers of the original
dough nuts and invented the lighter, hole-in-the-middle version that we
know and love.
They called them o7 fastnachtsf7 and served them on Fastnacht Day, the
Tuesday before Ash Wednesday, as the last sweet treat before Lent.
And now, a confession. I finally tried a Krispy Kreme the other day and
it was, um ... OK. But let me quickly add -- before the deluge of hate
mail, ridicule and outright contempt is unleashed -- it wasn’t warm.
In fairness, I will journey to La Habra, or the new Krispy Kreme in
Orange, dutifully take my place in line and try the real deal in all its
still-warm glory.
If I enter an altered state of consciousness and undergo some sort of
deep-fried epiphany, you will be the first to know.
I gotta go.
* PETER BUFFA is a former Costa Mesa mayor. His column runs Fridays. He
can be reached via e-mail at o7 PtrB4@aol.comf7 .
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