JOSEPH N. BELL -- The Bell Curve

Scattering some shots:

According to news reports, the owner of Beach Access in South Coast Plaza

accepted an out-of-court settlement from Laura Schlessinger, who has

become very rich dispensing advice to troubled people on radio and TV.

Last September, she found a magazine she considered pornographic while

shopping at Beach Access and trashed the store by name on the air. This

was allegedly not good for Beach Access business. A series of suits and

counter-suits followed.

I wrote about this rumble early on, comparing Schlessinger to Lucy in the

“Peanuts” comic strip and suggesting that “by impugning the owner of a

small business over a ridiculous issue on a national telecast,

Schlessinger threatened his livelihood while breaking every rule of fair

play.”

That drew a letter from a man who identified himself as Schlessinger’s

“communications counsel.” He described my opinions about her as

“uninformed” and spent most of his letter detailing the contents of the

magazine that upset her rather than dealing with the issue I raised. He

was, of course, simply doing the job for which he is presumably well

paid.

The size of the settlement was not reported, but I find it comforting

that every once in a while, the good guys win. I also hope that the store

owner nicked her sufficiently to pay his legal bills, compensate him for

the time he spent on this turkey and perhaps afford a public relations

“communications counsel” of his own the next time something like this

comes up.

* * *

Speaking of public relations, one of those high-powered P.R. firms should

hustle down to Miami and hire Lazaro Gonzalez, Elian’s great-uncle, who

has manipulated the press and a covey of politicians, including two

presidential candidates, with absolutely masterful finesse for the past

four months.

His crowning achievement was making sure that a friendly Associated Press

photographer was in the bedroom with Elian when the Feds broke through

the door and took the boy from the arms of the fisherman who plucked him

from the sea.

Whatever else happens from now on, the picture of a helmeted federal

officer apparently pointing an automatic rifle at a frightened child will

be the defining symbol of this event.

What a shame. Why the officer had to be armed in this manner or whether

the weapon was actually aimed at the child is of little importance when

weighed against the impact of that picture: the Imperialist State vs. a

frightened child. Oh, brother.

So the pictures of the emigres from another nation who have virtually

taken over an American city, have flaunted our laws, have threatened

resistance to the enforcement of those laws, have used a 6-year-old child

to make a political statement, and have denied the responsible father of

that child his parental rights, will disappear beneath the impact of that

one symbolic photo -- which, in case you’re interested in having a look,

was played quite differently in the Times and the Orange County Register.

The legal processes will finally grind to an end, Elian will be sent home

with his father as he should have been three months ago, the Cubans in

Miami will have made many points, and we will lick our wounds. Chief

among them, for me, will be a total lack of respect for the two men

running for president of the United States.

I expected the performance of George W. Bush; at least he was consistent.

But I was appalled that Al Gore knuckled under to the machinations of

Lazaro Gonzalez. If he’s willing to sell out on this one for 25 lousy

electoral votes in Florida, what might New York be worth?

* * *

In the aftermath of the failure of the Irvine school parcel tax, a number

of letter writers to the Los Angeles Times and the Daily Pilot have made

the point that the city has no business seeking to impose this tax on

local citizens when it has just spent millions of public money fighting

off an airport at El Toro.

The irony is clear and obvious. And true. And totally inapplicable. The

old apples and oranges thing again. The money spent on the El Toro issue

has nothing to do with the education of schoolchildren in Irvine. It’s

rather like punishing the kids in Newport-Mesa because a school

administrator embezzled several million public dollars a decade ago. It’s

punishing the kids for the sins of their elders.

The legality of Irvine’s use of public funds in the El Toro matter will

be tested in the courts. The embezzler in Newport-Mesa was tried and

convicted; if responsibility for preventing his theft was not properly

assessed and acted on, that can and should still be done. But neither of

these concerns should be used as an excuse for not providing the

necessary funds for the education of our children.

And as the final word -- this week, at least -- on schools, if there was

ever any doubt about the devastating impact of allowing political or

religious absolutes to infiltrate the governing of a school system, look

no further than Orange Unified.

Chaos rules there today. Orange is the only school district in the county

with an odd-year election, and the last voter turnout was less than 5%.

What’s happening to the schools in Orange needs to be examined carefully

so it isn’t repeated here.

* JOSEPH N. BELL is a resident of Santa Ana Heights. His column appears

Thursdays.