JOSEPH N. BELL -- The Bell Curve

Allison Hart

City Manager

Irvine, Calif.

Dear Allison:

Nice to hear from you.

I have to tell you up front that the tone of your letter to my wife and

me last week was quite different from the previous correspondence we

received from you Irvine people. Quite different.

I’d be more specific, but I didn’t save those earlier communications. I’m

ashamed to tell you that some of them made me angry enough that I tore

them up. Honestly.

I don’t usually give in to such uncivil urges, but I think it was the one

that exploited the death of Marine pilots a number of years ago to

support your argument that an El Toro airport was unsafe that pushed me

over the edge. Of course, there were a number of others just slightly

less offensive. I’m sure you remember.

Before you bring it up, I’ll have to admit that we sent out a couple of

doozies, too, that left me feeling pretty uncomfortable.

But you had five or six or seven -- I was never sure which -- million

dollars to spend and a good deal more creativity in manufacturing

information than we did. I’ll give you that.

Now I understand that some of your citizens are talking about suing the

city for spending all that public money to torpedo the El Toro airport,

but I’m sure you and Christina and Larry will work that out. It may cost

a couple mil more for lawyers’ fees, but what the hell, that’s a small

price to pay for winning.

Anyway, to get back to your letter, I thought it was heartwarming that

you want all of us to pull together for that “Great Park that will be the

envy of the nation” -- as you so eloquently put it in your letter. That

way, we can turn our backs on “those six long years of pitting neighbor

against neighbor and city against city.” I think that’s a wonderful

sentiment, and I’m just sorry that it didn’t occur to you several years

earlier.

Possibly you also remember that there were two previous elections on the

El Toro airport. To brush you up a bit, voters favored the airport by a

slim margin the first time and by a large margin the second. Thus the

city of Irvine had the same opportunity then that you are offering us

now: to accept the mandate of the electorate and help unite our

communities by joining with us to plan a Great Airport that would be the

envy of the nation.

But that’s not quite the direction you took. Instead, you applied the

double-or-nothing principle: we’ll just keep flipping the coin until we

win. That was very clever. But the next step topped it. You and your

consultants brainstormed the two most unattractive things that can befall

a community -- your choice of toxic waste dumps and jails was a stroke of

genius -- and put them in tandem with the airport. So everyone who voted

for the airport also voted for jails and landfills. Diabolical but

beautiful.

From there, it was all downhill -- fueled by five or six or seven million

dollars, of course. Crank out those mailers. Instill fear in the heart of

everyone within a hundred miles of the airport. Tie the whole idea of an

El Toro airport to a few ultra-rich industrial barons who could care less

about the discomfort it would produce on the ground. And you were home

free -- especially when you found out that your own industrial barons

like the Irvine Co. and Disney were not going to throw in with the other

side.

So you won big.

And now you would like my wife and me to fill out and return the “Great

Park Community Action Form” and to attend a meeting in our community to

help plan the Great Park.

I’m afraid, Allison, that you’re moving a little too fast for us here. If

I suggested such a meeting in my community -- which, not incidentally, is

about a quarter-mile from the nearest John Wayne runway -- there’s a fair

chance I might be lynched. My neighbors feel strongly about such matters.

If, as you suggest, my support of this effort is critical to its success,

then we’re in some real trouble.

First of all, I have no idea what the Great Park is or why “it will

benefit all of Orange County.” You see, there were a lot of people who

felt the same way about the El Toro airport. So much so that they voted

for it twice.

So now we’re back to the double-or-nothing theory. If we flip the coin

again, maybe it will come up heads for us, especially since you couldn’t

possibly raise that kind of money again.

While we consider that possibility, I would like you to ponder a question

that puzzles me very much. Why would you expect us to crawl into bed with

you in your Great Park when you stiffed two opportunities to do the same

thing with us after earlier elections?

All of this may suggest that I’m a bad sport and a rotten loser, which is

probably true. But I’m afraid I’m going to pass on your offer right now.

Thanks again, though, for asking -- and please give my best to Christina

and Larry and whatever P.R. consultant thought this was a good idea.

Sincerely,

Joe Bell

* JOSEPH N. BELL is a resident of Santa Ana Heights. His column appears

Thursdays.