RETAIL ROUNDUP

It’s no secret that Retail Roundup spends half this column talking about

eating rather than the intended subject, which is ... oh, that’s right:

shopping.

Usually, we have to sort of weasel in the food references around the

product blurbs. But thanks to a Four Seasons course on dining etiquette,

we can happily combine the two subjects about which we are most

passionate.

The course is not designed for adults -- it’s far too late for the likes

of us -- but rather for the wee youth of Orange County, who need to be

gently prodded into proper behavior, lest they grow up to be uncouth and

beastly.

The course, the next installment of which starts next month, teaches

impressionable young minds how to sit at a table, how to eat soup (for

goodness sake, make sure you scoop up the broth the proper way!) and

other such niceties of polite society.

Of course, children still tend to be beastly even if they know which fork

to use, but we suppose it’s a step in the right direction.

ARE WE THE BALL YET?

Retail Roundup notes with some trepidation that a New Jersey company is

releasing -- just in time for Father’s Day, apparently -- a product for

golfers called “Be the Ball.”This unfortunately named item is essentially

a self-help tape for golfers, a 40-minute loop of therapeutic murmurings

intended to cure you of your wicked slice and your tendency to chop up

divots the size of New Guinea.

While we at Retail Roundup can use all the help we can get -- and we

don’t just mean our golf game, to be perfectly frank -- we wonder if this

tape could really help us “swing freely with confidence” and “relax and

focus,” as its manufacturers claim.

“Be the Ball” is available in local golf shops, so we’ll have to see if

it helps us at all, or if it just makes us feel small, round and white.