STEVE SMITH -- What’s Up

Pat Thomas raised three boys and maintained a stable, loving home for

them and her husband, Bill, for more than 45 years.

Last month, Pat’s oldest son, Mike, turned 45. Mike is no slouch. You

name the sport and chances are not only has he experienced it, he could

probably beat you at it, too.

Mike also has a sharp mind and a quick wit and loves to talk about

important things like the environment, education, the economy and most of

all, children, especially his own 6-year-old daughter, Kasey.

Mike is the kind of man women find attractive and men want as a

friend. Mike is a good husband, a good father and for the past 25 years

it has been an honor and a pleasure to call him my friend.

About six weeks ago, Mike was driving to work when he started

perspiring profusely. “I turned up the air conditioner full-blast even

though it was seven in the morning and I was still sweating like crazy,”

he told me. Mike’s shirt was soaking wet. Not one to overreact, Mike,

under normal circumstances, would have continued on to work, figuring

that he could just plow through his condition.

But being a father does something to a lot of guys. Many of them

become more responsible and realize that they are no longer happy

wanderers. Now, they’re living for two and everything counts: diet,

exercise, how fast you drive and what stress you allow into your life. So

Mike thought of Kasey, and his wife, Susan, and drove himself straight to

the hospital.

An hour later, the doctors told Mike that he had had a heart attack.

That was July 9. Two days later, Mike was having a revolutionary artery

replacement procedure called a “laparoscopic bypass.” The wizards at the

San Ramon Medical Center replaced three of his clogged arteries without

having to saw through his sternum, which has been routine in bypass

operations for decades.

Mike was only the 85th patient at the San Ramon Medical Center to

receive laparoscopic bypass and it was very successful. Three days later,

he went home. Two weeks later, he was down in Oceanside, surf fishing. He

was taking it easy, but he was fishing.

But while Mike was in the hospital, another tragedy struck the Thomas

family.

Pat Thomas was admitted to the hospital, also diagnosed with heart

problems. So concerned was Bill Thomas that he waited two days before he

told her about Mike and his own surgery. Pat’s condition was severe and

the doctors, seeing there was little they could do for her, sent her home

after a few days.

On Tuesday, Aug. 15, Pat Thomas passed away in her sleep.

I once heard a radio talk show host poke fun at the expression that

kids grow up “in the blink of an eye.”

“I’m blinking,” said the host. “And they’re not growing up.”

How flip and shallow, I thought at the time, assuming that the host

knew that the expression was a metaphor. Of course kids grow up in an

instant. The problem is we don’t notice kids growing up and out because

we have filled our days with so much meaningless activity that we miss

what is really important.

We miss all of the signs of connectivity to that which is precious

because we cannot seem to extricate ourselves from the trivial. And it’s

not as though we try -- we don’t. So many of us have been beaten into

submission by our various payments and obligations and by the mindless

examples of how we are suppose to live. We are bombarded by those

examples in every possible media form and we are numb to any sense of

higher purpose. We must drive the right car, wear the right clothes and

live in the right neighborhood. For what? For our kids?

Mike Thomas knows kids grow up in the blink of an eye. For Mike, it

has been even less than that. Mike also knows now that while our kids are

growing up quickly, so are our parents growing old before our eyes. As

kids, we always expected our parents to “be there” and when we lose them,

regardless of their age, it hurts, badly.

Mike Thomas came out of the hospital with a gift that very few fathers

have ever received. He came within an inch of death and has used his

experience to change his life: to watch Kasey before his blink is over.

His mother, who was a vibrant 72 until just a few days before her death,

knew this lesson about time and kids all her life and she has taught it

to Mike.

* STEVE SMITH is a Costa Mesa resident and freelance writer. Readers

can leave a message for him on the Daily Pilot hotline at (949) 642-6086.