STEVE SMITH -- What’s Up?

It is a tale of two boulevards, two cities and one goal: to make each

a showcase for the town.

In Costa Mesa, there are plans to turn 17th Street into more of a

thoroughfare, although that is admittedly a bit of an overstatement, the

addition of two lanes notwithstanding.

In Newport Beach, there is now talk of turning the stretch of Pacific

Coast Highway known as “Mariner’s Mile” into a more pedestrian-friendly

spot.

The irony is too much. In Costa Mesa, some want to turn a street into

a highway and in Newport, plans are to turn the highway into a street.

Neither will work according to plan, although the Mariner’s Mile idea

has the most potential.

Mariner’s Mile stretches roughly from the Newport Boulevard bridge,

where the Arches restaurant is located, down to Dover. It appears to me

to be much more than a mile, but I’ve never walked the distance or logged

it on my odometer.

Having lived near both the Miracle Mile in Los Angeles and the

Magnificent Mile in Chicago, both of which go on forever, I understand

how civic surveying accuracy can take a back seat to a catchy name.

Mariner’s Mile is built on a highway, a fast stretch that is dangerous

to cross by foot and sometimes hard to maneuver by car. If you’ve ever

overshot your mark on the way to a Mariner’s Mile restaurant, you know

just what I mean.

Over the years, Mariner’s Mile has become Newport’s version of Costa

Mesa’s Bermuda Triangle Square. Restaurants and shops appear briefly on

the radar, then disappear forever.

Not long ago, there was Tony Roma’s rib joint on the Mile. We had a

favorite waitress there, but she left for Japan with one of our men in

uniform and we never saw her again. About a year later, Tony’s was gone.

Coincidence? Probably.

Tony Roma’s was empty -- boarded up, in fact -- for what seemed to be

an eternity until it finally reopened as the Brick Oven restaurant. The

Brick Oven served about six meals before it closed and reopened as Cafe

Panini.

The Roma’s story is typical on the Mile. What was once John Dominis is

now Aysia 101. The Ancient Mariner is now Joe’s Crab Shack, after taking

a cue from Tony Roma’s by first morphing into the Sand Dancer, then

Landry’s.

Joe’s Crab Shack, which is owned by the Landry’s Seafood chain,

appears to fit Yogi Berra’s description of a New York eatery. “Nobody

goes there anymore,” he said, “It’s too crowded.”

Along the way, we’ve said “hello” and “goodbye” to Cano’s, Windows on

the Bay, Chili’s and the Auto Bistro, to name a few. The Auto Bistro was

a drive-through gourmet fast-food restaurant, one of those businesses

that you have to figure was someone’s lifelong dream. It was too

preposterous for most of us to believe in.

Mariner’s Mile also has two fast-food restaurants: McDonald’s and Taco

Bell. I never understood the commotion over the opening of the Taco Bell,

except for the concern about the loudness of the drive-through crowd late

at night and early in the morning, which is a legitimate beef.

But the debate over the aesthetic value of Taco Bell was hilarious.

The thought of someone slowing down rapidly to stop and eat one of those

burritos makes me smile.

There are many more businesses that have come and gone, but I have to

move on. The point is that Newport Beach planners should not try to

convert Mariner’s Mile into a stroll in the park.

It’s a racetrack, and the only concession I would make to that advice

is the creation of the bayfront boardwalk that is being bandied about.

When that happens, I will be there first, provided I can find parking.

It’s the same but different over on 17th Street, which does have the

potential to become a pedestrian’s hangout. The street from Newport

Boulevard down to the Westcliff shopping center is full of restaurants

and interesting stores that invite browsing. We spend a fair amount of

time there -- including many Friday nights at Mi Casa, where Dennis, Erin

and the gang take such good care of our kids.

Seventeenth Street is just that: a street. Any plans to turn it into a

fast lane to the beach or to anywhere else should be shelved in favor of

wider sidewalks, trees and a Tony Roma’s.

The two street improvement programs are in the wrong cities. In

Newport, they want to slow things down and encourage people to stop and

smell the crabs. In Costa Mesa, they want to speed up 17th Street to help

travelers get somewhere else faster.

So, why don’t we trade city planners for a few months?

* STEVE SMITH is a Costa Mesa resident and freelance writer. Readers

can leave a message for him on the Daily Pilot hotline at (949) 642-6086.