ROBERT GARDNER -- The Verdict

When I came to Balboa from Green River, Wyo., at the ripe old age of

9, I made a beeline to the public library, then located across the street

from the current Balboa branch of our library system. We had the Carnegie

Library in Green River, but there my mother carefully monitored my

reading habits.

Tom Sawyer, Huckleberry Finn, Ivanhoe and Treasure Island were

approved, but not books by Zane Gray, Clarence Mulford (Hopalong Cassidy)

or Sax Rhomer (Doctor Fu Manchu).

However, when I came to Balboa, I lived with an older sister who was

too busy with her baby daughter to censor my reading habits, so I gorged

myself on junk books by Zane Gray, Clarence Mulford and Sax Rhomer.

Of course, that was about all our local library had. Mrs. Douglas was

the librarian, and the so-called library was situated in her living room.

The research system consisted of a large dictionary sitting atop a wire

stand.

I was interested in sea birds. The dictionary was a gold mine of

information:

“Sea gull -- a shore bird of the gull family.”

Well, I fast-forward a few years and find myself at USC studying under

Frank Conde Baxter, a truly great English professor. I took every class

taught by Professor Baxter.

Finally, I became a senior and was taking my last class with Professor

Baxter. He addressed the class: “Ladies and gentlemen, one of your

classmates is Robert Gardner. Mr. Gardner has taken every class I teach.

He is now a senior, and he and I are going to terminate a refreshing

friendship. Having taken every class I taught for the last four years, I

am wondering just what famous author or authors have impressed Mr.

Gardner the most. Mr. Gardner, the stage is yours. Who are your favorite

authors?”

What an opportunity to show off my brilliance. I rose to my feet,

cleared my throat and, for a reason I could never explain, said the

following:

“Zane Gray, Clarence Mulford and Sax Rhomer.”

Well, the class went into shock. Professor Baxter was practically

rolling in the aisle with laughter, and I felt like the biggest chump in

the world.

I guess it was my way of expressing my thanks to Mrs. Douglas for

letting me read junk instead of the carefully censored masterpieces I had

been forced to read by my mother.

* ROBERT GARDNER is a Corona del Mar resident and a former judge. His

column runs Tuesdays.