Healing the hurt of divorce

Jennifer K Mahal

NEWPORT BEACH -- JT Taylor did not sit down the first night she went

to the Divorce Recovery Workshop at St. Andrew’s Presbyterian Church.

In the midst of divorcing her second husband after afive-year

marriage, she really didn’t want to be there. But the Orange resident had

been encouraged to attend the six-week workshop by a persistent friend.

“I only came here so I didn’t have to explain not coming,” she said.

That was almost three years ago. Now Taylor helps coordinate the

twice-a-year program. She credits the workshop and its founder, the Rev.

Bill Flanagan, with helping her to move on with her life.

“There comes a time when you need to make a decision as to whether

you’re going to suffer or grow,” Taylor said. “Life is really good after

divorce. Going through divorce is hell. The courts will beat you, your

family and friends will take sides. By coming here, you make the decision

to grow through divorce, and you do.”

The workshop will hold its second session Thursday, which is the last

night to register.

Since 1981, when Flanagan brought the concept to St. Andrew’s from

Colorado Springs, more than 12,000 people attended the Divorce Recovery

Workshop. It is now on a video distributed by Gospel Films, and Flanagan

said he retaped the seminar this summer for distribution in Great

Britain.

Flanagan, minister of singles and missions, began the workshop in 1977

after meeting Jim Smoke, author of “Growing Through Divorce.” The book

became the core for the program, which also uses small groups led by

former workshop participants.

“Basically, my contribution to divorce recovery is developing this

model of using what I call ‘wounded healers’ -- people who have

experienced a tragedy in their own lives, who are able to help others,”

Flanagan said. “They’re really the heart of the workshop.”

Though the workshop is run by a church, Flanagan and others involved

are very adamant that the program is secular.

“This workshop is not a recruiting ground for St. Andrew’s,” Flanagan

said. “It is a service we offer to the community.”

In fact, Flanagan discloses that he is a pastor early on in the

workshop. He also reveals another tidbit of information: he’s been

married for 37 years.

“I have to win the right to be heard every time,” Flanagan said. “My

credentials are that I have been taught and have counseled thousands. ...

God’s given me a gift of relating to divorced people.”

Taylor agrees.

“He’s the only married man I know of that has the gift of talking to

single people and not ticking them off,” Taylor said.

People from all religions and ethnicities come to the workshop. Many

hear about it from past workshop participants. Others are referred to the

program by their lawyers or therapists. About 70% of the participants are

women, said George Parker, who coordinates the program with Taylor.

“We don’t offer a cure here,” said Parker. “This is not a place for

salvation in a divorce, just a place to grow.”

Parker went through the workshop 12 years ago, when his seven-year

marriage ended. He was a small group leader for seven years and has been

a coordinator for four years.

“Never in all of the years I’ve done this have I had someone come up

to me afterward and say ‘this has been a waste of time,’ ” Parker said.

FYI

* WHAT: Divorce Recovery Workshop

* WHEN: Last night to register for the six-week program is at a

meeting to be held at 7:30 p.m. Thursday.

* WHERE: St. Andrew’s Presbyterian Church, 600 St. Andrews Road,

Newport Beach

* COST: $30, which includes book. Free child care is available for

infants to sixth-graders.

* INFORMATION: Call (949) 574-2214