DUBIOUS DISTINCTIONS

They are the stories that cause laughter or a raised eyebrow in the

newsroom -- and hopefully around the breakfast table. They are the ones

that get passed around, the must-reads for no other reason than to

satisfy curiosity.

To amuse you once again, the Daily Pilot presents the annual rundown

of the shameful, the wretched, the strange, the funny and the very funny

-- the moments that are worth a second glance and the headlines that gave

you double takes.

JANUARY

It was a confusing time for the California Department of

Transportation. Somehow, at some point, a sign identifying the Costa Mesa

Freeway was taken down for some reason or another. In its place, workers

put up a sign that read “Newport Freeway” -- definitely not what the

freeway is named, as many Costa Mesa residents would be quick to say.

When the issue was brought to the attention of Caltrans, there was a bit

of bureaucracy and confusion. But, to the credit of the state agency, a

new, correct sign appeared a few days later.

Cloudy weather obscured a much-anticipated total lunar eclipse.

Students in Orange Coast College’s Astronomy Department had geared up for

the moon’s disappearing act by throwing a party. They brought out several

28-pound telescopes for stargazers to use, but all they saw was a patch

of orangy clouds.

Mark David Allen made local history and was crowned Newport Beach’s

all-time leader in arrests. Since 1985, Allen has amassed an astonishing

number of public intoxication arrests -- by January, Newport Beach police

officers had taken Allen into custody 106 times. Officers have picked up

Allen as many as three times in a 48-hour period. Allen and his battle

with alcohol were featured in the documentary “Drunk in Public,” a movie

by Newport Beach jailer David Sperling that debuted in this year’s

Newport Beach Film Festival.

FEBRUARY

In an unprecedented move, John Noyes, then the Newport Beach mayor,

decided to lock the door of the mayor’s office in City Hall. The room --

so small that it was dubbed the “mayor’s closet” -- contains a desk, a

filing cabinet and a few chairs. It was traditionally shared by all of

the council members. Noyes’ action shocked and even angered some council

members, although some colleagues supported him. Former mayors, however,

helped to put the whole issue into perspective by making a joke of it: “I

guess there’s no more open-door policy at City Hall,” quipped former

Mayor Tom Edwards.

Long before Florida’s recount debacle, a handful of parents at

Andersen Elementary School alleged that their ballots were tainted.

Andersen Elementary parents voted on a school uniform policy, and those

who forgot to return their ballots received a phone call reminder. The

controversy arose when some parents accused the phoners of trying to

persuade the late voters to cast their ballots a certain way. At least

they didn’t have to deal with chads.

George P. Bush, the good-looking, twentysomething nephew of

President-elect George W. Bush, stopped by Newport Beach while

campaigning for his uncle. The younger Bush, known simply as “P” among

his family, is the son of Florida Gov. Jeb Bush and already well seasoned

in politics. His job was to grab the Gen-X vote for his uncle. His

dashing presence in Newport Beach, however, probably inspired less

political interest than it did infatuation.

MARCH

Rumors started flying that then-Republican presidential nominee George

W. Bush would ask Newport Beach’s own Chris Cox to be his running mate.

At the time, Newsweek magazine even hinted that Cox was a prime candidate

for the vice president post. Bush opted to go with Dick Cheney. However,

the hype was nothing new for Cox, who shrugged off the rumors as, well,

rumors. In 1996, there was talk that he was high on the list of possible

vice president picks for former Sen. Bob Dole -- who ultimately went with

Jack Kemp. It’s not too late, though, for Cox to receive a cabinet

appointment -- but, by his own estimation, even that’s looking pretty

unlikely.

Becoming the top contributor to the political fight over an El Toro

airport, George Argyros poured a total of $1.2 million into the “No on F”

campaign. It sure didn’t seem like money well spent. Orange County voters

overwhelmingly approved Measure F, which was designed to block plans for

a second county airport at El Toro.

APRIL

The Panther Palace in Costa Mesa continued its swinging ways a year

after the death of owner “Wild” Bill Goodwin, thanks to Goodwin’s friend

Gordon Oliver. The Costa Mesa man resumed the home’s tradition of

twice-a-week partner-swapping parties. Though neighbors complained and

police investigated, the Friday night orgies went on.

These were no ordinary snappers. A trio of alligators were found in

the hot tub of a Newport Beach home belonging to former professional

surfer Daniel Flecky, who did not have a permit for them. “Someone from

Dover Shores called and was very concerned that we were having an

alligator outbreak and wondered if it was safe to go back in the water,”

said Newport Beach Police Sgt. Mike McDermott. A Claremont couple, John

and Jackie Jacobsen, offered to adopt the toothy trio, but found

themselves and their backyard menagerie the subject of a Humane Society

investigation. They passed inspection, and the reptiles are settled in

their new home.

Sir Swany, the Japanese black-necked swan that serves as Upper Newport

Bay’s unofficial mascot, was not so lucky. The bird lay in critical

condition after being drenched in diesel fuel from a boat that ran

aground during a boat show. The swan eventually recovered.

MAY

Corona del Mar resident Suzie Brierly led a petition drive to repaint

an Albertsons supermarket that had remodeled itself in a yellow-orange

color. Calling the paint scheme “hideous, simply hideous,” Brierly faxed

a protest petition with about 80 signatures to the store’s corporate

headquarters in Boise, Idaho, where word is “hideous, simply hideous”

decor is de rigueur.

Newport Beach became the second city in the country to try out “smart”

parking meters, which sense when drivers feed the meter beyond the

allotted time limit. The meters, which also automatically reset when

drivers pull away, raised ire among city residents and tourists who

didn’t much like being outthought.

Two local men reeled in more than they bargained for during a trip to

Mexico. Andy Crean and Royal S. Radtke were fishing for halibut when they

caught a bale of marijuana worth $500,000 off the shore of Cabo San

Lucas. The duo called the U.S. Coast Guard, which retrieved the 100-pound

bundle.

JUNE

Hillary Clinton caused a stir when she popped over to Lido Isle for a

private luncheon. The First Lady addressed 45 residents (who knew there

were that many Democrats in Newport Beach?) and raised $45,000 for her

New York Senate campaign, which she won in November.

The pool at Newport Harbor High School got mucked up when pranksters

poured as many as 15 bags of compost into it, causing swim and water polo

practices to be canceled. Students said they could smell the stench all

the way to the parking lot.

Switzerland-based Airports Council International ranked John Wayne

Airport as the 18th busiest in the world during 1999. That placed the

airport in the top 3% of the 597 airports studied around the globe --

which still doesn’t include No. 598 down the freeway at El Toro.

JULY

Stevie Wonder sound-alike Everett Allen appeared on “Your Big Break”

in July, a show that features singers who sound like famous people. The

Costa Mesa resident was one of thousands of contestants in the country

who tried to land a spot on the hourlong talent show that airs weekly on

Channel 13. He ended up among 100 singers competing for $25,000 and a

possible recording contract.

At the Orange County Fair, two Centennial Farm pigs gave birth to 11

piglets each within 32 hours, bringing a total of 22 new piglets into the

world. Fair visitors craned their necks to get a glimpse of the newborns

while the piglets themselves fought for a steady supply of food from

their moms. But this was no random coincidence. The Centennial Farm staff

times the pregnancies of its pigs to coincide with the fair so visitors

can witness births up close.

Anthony Flores knew the secret. For maximum speed, push the doughnut

against and into the cheek with your tongue. This won the 9-year-old the

champion title at the Orange County Fair’s annual cinnamon

doughnut-eating contest. He was quoted as saying, “I must eat through the

pain.”

AUGUST

The Daily Pilot got the scoop on a local ice cream legend. Apparently,

the Fun Zone at the Balboa Peninsula was responsible for inventing frozen

bananas in the late 1930s. But the story gets complicated: Sugar ‘n Spice

claims to have had “Mom’s Original Frozen Banana” and the opposing shop

claims to own “Dad’s Original Frozen Banana.” Mom’s shop opened 15 years

before Dad’s did, which seems to solve part of the mystery about who had

it first.

A candidate for the hit TV program “Survivor” came forth this month.

Oscar Santoyo, who had made the final cut for the show, went so far as to

prepare mentally, as well as physically, to eat only rice and undergo

inoculations. A director of the Save Our Youth after-school program in

Costa Mesa, Santoyo saw the struggles as a learning experience he could

later share with children in the program. Two days before his interview,

his wife announced he would soon be a father. Priorities changed.

Dennis Rodman told the world via his new Web site, Rodmantv.com, that

he has turned his back on society and the commercialism of mainstream

life. The Newport Beach resident’s site entices viewers who can handle

the “wildest road trip in history” to click and enter. What awaits?

Downtime with Woody Harrelson, Winona Ryder, still photos of people drunk

and, of course, his own biography. All this for one easy payment of

$29.95. Throw in an autographed basketball, and it might be worth it.

SEPTEMBER

A local landmark got its 15 minutes of fame on stage. In playwright

Richard Greenberg’s comedy premiere “Everett Beekin,” his sixth

commissioned piece for South Coast Repertory, the Unity Bridge over

Bristol Street connecting South Coast Plaza to the Orange County

Performing Arts Center and SCR got some attention. The bridge in the

play, which is set partially in Orange County, was not called the Unity

Bridge but resembled it. Greenberg had intended to write a play comparing

and contrasting suburban life, families and their dramas in New York and

Orange County.

Newport Beach resident Joe Di Thomas watched his 676th Kool and the

Gang concert at a Taste of Newport. His first show was in 1976 in

Pittsburgh. Since then, the fan has followed the group through 45 states

and two countries, racking up a permanent all-access backstage pass and

schmoozing rights with the band members along the way. We’ll do the math

for you: At one show a day, he’s closing in on two whole years of

concerts with the same band.

It wasn’t a sound wall, a skateboard park, not even an issue of

chopping down trees that divided Costa Mesa residents late in September.

It was crows. Police officers shot and killed a dozen noisy crows,

inciting reactions from residents who lived on 20th Street between Tustin

and Santa Ana avenues. Some questioned why if humans had a right to

rejoice and make noise, birds didn’t. The Daily Pilot received numerous

calls from furious residents, while others were grateful the birds were

silenced. Police officers had also considered using poisoned bait, which

could have killed other birds, and a spike trap, which could have caused

nonfatal injuries.

OCTOBER

Are you seeing headless chickens on the beach near Newport Pier? Stop

before you blame the alcohol for those visual illusions. According to

Newport Beach Police, the bird carcasses are remnants of an ancient

ritual practiced by followers of Santeria, an Afro-Caribbean religion

that melds Catholic saints and rituals with animal sacrifices, hexes and

blessings.

Marc Allen Lewis, an architect from Irvine who was between jobs, came

to be better known as the “Dr Pepper Bandit” or the “Soda Jerk Bandit,”

depending on one’s taste in soft drinks. Over two months, Lewis, a

graduate of Newport Harbor High School, committed 13 armed robberies in

stores throughout South County. In each of the heists, Lewis would pick

up a Dr Pepper and a bag of chips before he proceeded to point a blue

steel semiautomatic handgun at the store clerk.

The city of Newport Beach admitted it: They were wrong, and resident

Noeline Frederiksen was right. Frederiksen contested a parking citation,

saying she had purchased year-round parking permits that allow her to

park on blue poles around the bay without having to feed them with money.

Frederiksen walked in and out of City Hall for two months trying to prove

she had parked at a blue pole. Finally City Manager Homer Bludau admitted

the city’s mistake and sent Frederiksen a letter of apology.

NOVEMBER

Orange slush streamed across cafeteria floors at Newport Heights

Elementary School. Vandals who struck around the Thanksgiving holiday

caused a giant mess, discharging fire extinguishers, exposing camera film

and microwaving a stuffed animal in a short rampage that didn’t much

resemble a reenactment of that first American turkey dinner.

Corona del Mar residents were not lucky enough to have orange soda on

their streets. The Chamber of Commerce and the Police Department planned

tighter control for this year’s Christmas Walk after residents complained

about “rivers of urine” and drunken brawls last year. The Quiet Woman

restaurant even pulled out of the event this year because the owner did

not want her customers to get tickets or citations. This year’s event,

however, went off without a hitch.

Residents of a Costa Mesa neighborhood drove a convicted sex offender

out of town. Grayling Lang Mitchell, 41, left the apartment in Newport

Senior Village on Harbor Boulevard with his 80-year-old wife, barely a

day after neighbors protested on the street by handing out fliers.

DECEMBER

Who’d have ever thought twinkling holiday lights could cause a

controversy big enough to make national headlines. Parents turned off

strings of colorful lights at Mariners Elementary School in Newport Beach

at the request of school board president Dana Black, who said the “school

is a public building” and that lights that reflect one’s religious

beliefs have “no place there.” The debate had plenty of place on the

Pilot’s editorial page, however -- a debate that probably would’ve been

silent had Black just used the electricity shortage as her reason.

The tall ship Argus didn’t make it to the finish line at this year’s

Christmas Boat Parade. The festive 98-foot-tall ship owned by the Sea

Scout Base was diverted because of a medical emergency when an

82-year-old man with emphysema collapsed on board.

Art Vitarelli also nearly didn’t make it to the boat parade’s finish.

The 59-year-old has participated in it since 1968 but has run slightly

afoul of the law in recent years. The harbor patrol isn’t quite as fond

of his kayak as Vitarelli is, saying he comes too close to the parade’s

boats. They’ve put a special eye out for him. Vitarelli has promised to

discuss his run-ins with the Newport Harbor Chamber of Commerce when it

meets next month about the parade.