ROBERT GARDNER -- The Verdict

My wife and I have a problem. I want a dog, particularly a beagle. She

doesn’t want a dog, particularly a beagle.

The obvious solution: We don’t have a dog, beagle or otherwise.

My fondness for beagles comes from a previous dog we owned, Sam, short

for Samrod of Shorecliffs. Sam was a marvelous dog. Not only was he

handsome, he was attentive and would sit and listen closely as I

discussed my latest case with him.

His only shortcoming was his libido, which led him on innumerable

jaunts around the neighborhood, looking for lady friends. My father built

a fence around the back yard and announced it was “bull tight and hog

strong.” Well, it might have detained or contained bulls and hogs. It

didn’t deter amorous Sam. When any female in Corona del Mar became

“available,” Sam somehow became aware of it and got to her.

Sam’s heart finally gave out as a result of his amorous activities,

and he died a natural death.

My next dog was a black Lab, Lacey. Lacey was a large dog who liked

small places. She would fit her large body into the cubbyhole of my desk

while I typed, making it awkward for both of us. She loved to ride in the

car and would sit on the seat while the car was in motion, but once the

car was parked, she would hop in the front seat and insinuate herself

under the steering column.

One time she got stuck there, and it took an entire medical office to

free her. Lacey went blind which didn’t seem to bother her. She could

find her way around the house and into all the small nooks she enjoyed,

but she finally succumbed to old age.

We had adopted Lacey, and because she had proved such a successful

pet, we decided to adopt another dog, another Lab.

With Maxine, it was love at first sight. She was a beautiful dog, but

she was also a very strong dog. She would hop on the bed at night, and

she couldn’t be moved. Each night she took up more and more of the bed

until I was going to be sleeping on the floor, so I had to close the

bedroom door.

She loved tennis balls, and I threw the ball so much I developed

tendinitis in my arm. I finally realized she was too much dog one evening

when I was taking her for a walk. She lunged at another dog, dragging me

into the gutter and breaking my arm.

I gave her to my granddaughter who lives on the highest hill in

Emerald Bay. There Maxine can run free and not break anyone’s arm.

I still want a dog, preferably a beagle.

ROBERT GARDNER is a Corona del Mar resident and a former judge. His

column runs Tuesdays.