Returning to life

Mathis Winkler

COSTA MESA -- During her high school years, Julie Nemeth took

amphetamines occasionally when she and her friends went to parties.

“If it was around, I would take it,” said Nemeth, now 27.

Then, after giving birth to her first child a few years later, Nemeth

was trying to shed some of the pounds she had gained during the

pregnancy. Her friends suggested she get back on the drug, commonly known

as speed.

What followed were years of struggle against her addiction to speed

and bouts of depression that made her lose control as a mother, she said.

“Drug use makes you tired,” Nemeth said during a conversation at her

Westside apartment, while her second child, 2-year-old Billy, was drawing

pictures on the carpeted floor beside her.

When Billy would dump a carton of milk on the floor or hit his head

against her nose until it would start to bleed, Nemeth’s reactions were

“mostly verbal -- yelling,” she said.”Although there were times that I

would have to walk out of the room. There were times when I wanted to rip

my hair off my head.”

While Nemeth said she steered clear of the drug during her three

pregnancies -- she gave birth to a third child in September 1999 -- her

decision to put her youngest son up for adoption sent her spiraling into

a reliance on speed to keep her going.

“The [boy’s] father left me during the pregnancy,” Nemeth said. “I

went through a lot emotionally.”

Although the adoption brought the drug back into her life, it also

helped her to break free from her addiction, she said.

Nemeth opted for a so-called open adoption, which allows her to stay

in touch with her son’s adoptive parents. Although the family lives in

Central California, they usually stop by Nemeth’s apartment when visiting

relatives in Santa Ana, she said.

“I never had anything positive happen,” Nemeth said. “When [the open

adoption] happened, things seemed to fall into place, and I was able to

let go.”

A needed opportunity

When Nemeth realized how other mothers she knew with drug addictions

mistreated their children, she decided to “seek help before I got to

that.”

Her social worker told her about the Orange County Child Abuse

Prevention Center’s Tender Care Parenting Program. The center helps about

100 families in Orange County each year through Tender Care, center

officials said. Overall, the center served 18,034 children in 7,489

families in the county last year.

Nemeth took up the opportunity to receive help.

Pointing to the latest statistics for child abuse in Orange County,

center officials said programs such as Tender Care helped to prevent

abuse in the first place.

Last year, the Orange County Child Abuse Registry reported 27,720

cases of child abuse -- a 7% increase compared with 1999.

“It is simply unacceptable in a county as wealthy and well-educated as

Orange County that we should allow 76 children to be victims of reported

child abuse daily,” said Kathy McCarrell, the center’s executive

director.

Tender Care, designed to help struggling parents come up with better

ways to raise their children, allowed Nemeth to meet with a volunteer at

her home over a period of several months to talk about problems she had

with her children.

Barbara Scherzer, one of the center’s chemical addiction counselors,

also visited Nemeth to help her deal with her drug addiction.

The one-on-one sessions proved successful for Nemeth, who said support

groups had only increased her cravings for the drug.

“Hearing other people’s [addiction] stories made me want to use more,”

Nemeth said, adding that she’s been clean for about a year.

Not that quitting came easy to her.

Nemeth said she cried often during her first meeting with Scherzer.

While her days started to seem brighter and she experienced happiness for

the first time in her life, her newfound sobriety forced her to deal with

her depression rather than numb it with the drug, she said.

“I wasn’t aware of the pain that I felt inside,” Nemeth said. “When

the drug stopped, that’s what scared me the most.”

Scherzer put Nemeth in touch with a doctor who prescribed an

antidepressant. By trying to hide her depression with speed, Nemeth

worsened her condition because the drug depletes the brain of serotonin,

the body’s natural antidepressant, Scherzer said.

Easing problems

Since she’s been drug-free, Nemeth’s relationship with her children

has improved, she said.

While her son and daughter essentially replaced adult friends during

Nemeth’s addiction, she’s now started to build a social circle, plans to

return to work soon and tries to deal with her kids’ problems in more

productive ways, she said.

“The kids calmed down when I cleaned up,” she said. “We still have

problems, but we’re able to talk them out. I don’t lose control. I don’t

become angry. Unfortunately, I said a lot of things that I regret.”

Energetic Billy gets to help out around the house, vacuuming floors

and doing the dishes. Nemeth also tries to listen more carefully to her

7-year-old daughter. She even attends PTA events and has helped at

Thanksgiving dinners and “doughnuts for dads” and “muffins for moms”

events at the school.

“Before, my kids were my motivation for everything,” Nemeth said. “My

kids need that. I’m going to do that for my kids.

“To be a better person, I’ve got to be happy myself. I’m a good

person. I am. I don’t need the drugs to make me happy. Right now, even

though we’re not financially secure, I’m able to handle it a lot better.

. . . Everything is looking up. We’re a lot happier.”

FYI

For information on the Tender Care Parenting Program, call (714)

543-4333