KAREN WIGHT -- No Place Like Home

There is “no place like home” for every family with a daughter

planning to attend a high school winter formal dance.

Dorothy from the “Wizard of Oz” obviously was not old enough to have

experienced a winter formal or she might have changed her tone.

But the path that leads to a Sadie Hawkins dance is certainly not

paved with golden bricks. And when there is a teenage girl in the house,

the road is fraught with peril for daughter and parents alike.

No wicked witch am I. I have plenty of fond memories of high school

dances. I too remember angst over the dress and the date; it’s a rite of

passage.

It’s preparation for more angst in college and even more angst as you

plan a wedding, and the ultimate conundrum when you have a daughter of

your own and experience the painful o7 deja vu.f7

Let’s start with the Sadie Hawkins theme. Now, I’m all for equal

torture of the sexes, and the boys should not have to shoulder the entire

who-dates-whom burden.

But when you put this subject in front of a group of high school

girls, it’s like sharks in a feeding frenzy. Saturday’s dance has been a

topic of conversation since September, when the first reported invitation

from girl to boy occurred.

I don’t know about you, but I never liked the same guy in February

that I had my eye on in September.

Now, you cannot just ask the guy to the dance anymore. It can’t be

done. It has to be a Big Deal. Posters have to be made, rooms have to be

decorated, cakes baked and elaborate schemes devised.

Maybe high school teachers should consider some kind of “credit” for

some of the masterminding and problem-solving that goes on during the

“asking” phase. Heaven knows that more time is spent on solving these

problems than the ones in the math book.

Now, I’m not a complete curmudgeon; girls learn a lot from this

ordeal: how to save money, how to manipulate your parents so you don’t

have to save money and how to deal with boys’ mothers. These are all

valuable skills.

Then there’s the dress issue. The dance is a formal and is held at one

of Southern California’s most “formal” locations -- Knott’s Berry Farm.

It’s terribly important to have a less-is-more dress, strappy shoes and

an up-do to go on the log jam ride.

Very few mothers escape this dress phase unscathed. Practicality has

nothing to do with reality. Get over it.

As the girls plan the evening, a certain winged monkey mentality seems

to take over. I suppose this is predictable, given the group dynamics and

level of emotion that goes into the event.

As a parent, it is very hard to sit back and let the situation play

out. Psychologically speaking, the process holds fascinating revelations

about your daughter’s personality.

Back to the boys. They truly seem oblivious to all the wishin’ and

hopin’ and thinkin’ and dreamin’ that goes on. Maybe it’s better that

way. Most of them would run screaming if they saw how much work goes on

behind the scenes.

They have their own worries to contend with, like which black tux to

rent.

Back to the parents. Which battles do you pick? Can you refrain from

projecting your own expectations onto your daughter? Head’s up moms, this

is all about you too.

Last year, my daughter Annie’s date sent flowers to the house as a

pre-thank you. When I answered the door and took the bouquet inside, I

assumed they were for me from my husband.

I pulled out the card and the name read “Annie,” not “Karen.” I was

replaced as princess. A lovely gesture that certainly put me back in my

place. I may be the queen, but the daughters are the ones sought after

now. Sigh.

So my darlings, don your ruby red slippers and have a great time.

You’ll be cold, your feet will hurt, your date won’t know how to dance,

but you’ll have fun. Really, you will.

This is the stuff that high school memories are made of. These are the

things you’ll share with your daughter some day.

* KAREN WIGHT is a Newport Beach resident. Her column is published

Sundays.