JUDGE GARDNER -- The verdict

Once upon a time, there was a very nice restaurant in Long Beach

called the Army-Navy Club. Where it got its name I do not know because it

was open to the public.

The club was located on the bluff along Ocean Boulevard, but the

restaurant itself was at sea level. Diners entered at the Ocean Boulevard

level and went down a very romantic, curved stairway to the restaurant.

I was wooing a young lady named Katy Harris, who eventually, in spite

of the following harrowing story, became Katy Gardner.

I was at that time the city judge of Newport Beach. Two of my more

regular visitors were a couple of high-spirited, hard-drinking fishermen,

Rebel Brown and Jiggs Dyson, suspects in the manhole-cover caper I wrote

about Jan. 9.

On this particular evening, my plan was to impress Miss Harris by

taking her to the Army-Navy Club for dinner.

So there I was, desperately putting my best foot forward when suddenly

there was a commotion at the head of the stairs. I looked up and almost

died. It was Jiggs Dyson and Rebel Brown, drunk as all get out.

The entire management was doing its best to keep them out, but

management was losing. Rebel had one arm in a cast and already rendered

noncombatant a couple of waiters with the use of the cast. All eyes were

focused on these two characters.

Suddenly they ceased their program of knocking members of the staff

down the stairway. Rebel happened to see me. “Judge!” he shouted

rapturously. The restaurant staff apparently figured they were friends of

mine because they gave up their resistance, and Rebel and Jiggs ran over,

sat down at our table and Jiggs, in a loud voice, said, “Champagne, the

best you have.”

Since I knew he probably didn’t have a penny in his pocket, I tried to

catch the eye of the waiter with a vigorous shake of my head. The waiter,

sensing a good-sized check and resulting tip, ignored me entirely and

went into a huddle with Jiggs over the wine list.

I don’t remember exactly what happened. Traumatic retrograde amnesia

it’s called, but I do remember that Katy said, “I find your friends

fascinating. I was afraid you were a little stuffy, but with friends like

that . . .”

So although the evening put me into bankruptcy, it made brownie points

with Katy, and I guess I shouldn’t begrudge Rebel and Jiggs their

unexpected visit.

* ROBERT GARDNER is a Corona del Mar resident and a former judge. His

column is published Tuesdays.