JUDGE GARDNER -- The Verdict

The Newport Beach lifeguards, past and present, are having a

get-together. It’s too bad that Fred Barnette can’t be there. If he were,

he would undoubtedly tell about the two pains in the neck of his

lifeguarding career in the early 1920s.

I never saw Fred in the water. No one else ever saw Fred in the water,

either. There were some who said Fred couldn’t even swim. At the very

least, his swimming ability was a mystery.

Whatever his swimming capabilities, Fred was smart. When the big surf

arrived, Fred took no chances. He simply closed the beach. This he

accomplished by sticking a row of poles in the sand along the water line.

To each pole was attached a red flag, which meant “don’t go in the

water.” By this device, Fred could avoid any drownings. More important, I

suspect, he could also keep dry, which was nice on a cold day. Even nicer

if he couldn’t swim.

Fred had two problems with his beach closure program. They were named

Tagg Atwood and Bob Gardner. Natural-born outlaws, those two, ages 9 or

10, insisted on going in the water, red flags or no red flags.

This presented a problem to Fred. Other beachgoers would say, “If

those two can go in, why can’t we?” So Fred would yell at the boys to

come in, which, of course, they ignored. Well, good old Fred had a

solution to the problem -- and it didn’t involve coming in after us. He

would send for either Tagg’s mother or Bob’s older sister, with whom he

lived, with a simple message: “Either get your son [or brother] out of

the water, or I will have him arrested and taken to jail.”

And so, either Tagg’s mother or Bob’s sister would come down to the

beach, walk out on the pier and screech for her son or brother to get out

of the water. Both boys, recognizing where their next meal was coming

from, would meekly surrender to the voice of authority and leave the

water to receive the inevitable scolding, which Fred observed with a big

smile on his face.

As I say, I don’t know whether Fred Barnette could swim or not, but he

was one smart lifeguard.

* ROBERT GARDNER is a Corona del Mar resident and a former judge. His

column runs Tuesdays.