B.W. COOK -- The Crowd

I am disturbed and saddened by what I have seen as of late on the

social beat. Therefore, I am compelled to share some of my observations.

This comes from a heartfelt position to honor the best of the human

spirit. I hope these words will give rise to some thought among my

friends and readers.

The subject is elitism. And the message is that we are losing our way

-- our purpose -- in the pursuit of association with wealth and power via

social connection through charitable activity. Otherwise stated, this

column is a warning to all of the amazing, glamorous and generous

Newport-Mesa givers that the road to charitable redemption is not paved

with ambitious social climbing in what was, is and always will be a

vacuous pursuit of personal glory in an ever-escalating attempt to be

seated at the proper table.

In recent months, I have become more acutely aware of the plethora of

ever more grandiose parties raising tremendous funds with turnouts

exceeding expectations. And along with this trend, the true colors of

social elitism have been shining brightly -- the pecking order at work,

with individuals exhibiting qualities of distasteful competition to

establish desired recognition.

And I have to wonder, and I must ask: What are we doing?

Raising funds for worthwhile causes has become a way of life in

America for those who have the time and the funds to play. And in Orange

County, particularly in the Newport-Mesa region, the wheels of the social

machine are bigger than ever before.

At the same time, many organizations are not reaching financial

expectations given recent stock market adjustments that have supposedly

curtailed donations from certain sectors of the giving community.

Why then are there more events than ever? Many of the events celebrate

with lavish themes, famous entertainers and headliners, extravagant

locations, food and wine beyond description, and people dressed to kill

showing up night after night to mingle with the crowd. Competition for

the giving dollar seems just as great as the competition for star quality

status among the givers.

The catalyst for this sermon came in the form of an invitation from a

relatively new organization working for disadvantaged children. This

small, yet ostensibly powerful, wealthy and influential group supports a

very old established Orange County children’s charity, which shall remain

anonymous.

They do important work. They need money. So, I am cautious concerning

offering any criticism about an organization that helps to raise money

for children in need. That aside, I was perplexed when I received the

invitation from the group for their spring luncheon. A very fine printed

piece came in the mail with a front card stating . . . “Sorry Sold Out.’

My first thought was, “Why did they waste the paper and the stamps?”

Then I thought about the people who received this invitation. Were they

insulted? Did they think that they were left out? Was this supposed to

send a message that this was the new charity of choice, and there wasn’t

room for all? Did the organizers think that they would create a frenzy

among the “want to be” contingent?

To be fair, the printed invitation solicited interest from those not

able to attend this particular function. The invitation also asked for

contributions.

This tactic was easily interpreted as the ultimate act of snobbery,

elitism run amok. If I am making too much of this, I apologize, yet I

want to send the message to people I care about in this community that we

need to focus on the substance as well as the style. And we need to use

some brainpower and think about the consequences of our actions and

intentions.

To be blunt, it amazes me that people who are so successful in life

can often be so oblivious. If the home being used for this particular

party could only accommodate a certain number of people for the affair,

and the friends and associates of the charity filled the space, so be it.

Have the party, raise the money, and don’t flaunt it. Don’t tease the

population over a social event meant to help children. It’s offensive.

It is not my place to judge the actions of others. On the other hand,

my job is to observe people and events in the this community. The level

of goodness and generosity that exists in society is praiseworthy. We

have the potential to be incredible examples of people helping people.

True shining stars of humanity.

Let us not lose our way in pursuit of the social “A” list, the right

table, or the presumed association with those deemed wealthy and powerful

business connections in the social strata.

And, don’t get me wrong. This does not mean that our fabulous events

should be reduced to potluck dinners. This does not mean that glamorous

clothes and the beautiful jewelry, the makeup, the hair, the exercise,

the diets and all of the grand affectations we love to display have no

place.

All of these affectations are expressions of who we are, who we want

to be. A world without style would be so dull. And I would be out of

work.

Rather, let us be more mindful of the substance, the reason that we

raise funds for charity. Substance with style is a powerful formula.

Style without substance is, frankly, vapid. And finally, let us guard

against elitist actions. There is such a distinction between excellence

and exclusivity versus elitism.

I recently told the Orange County Museum of Art’s “Art of Dining”

producer Marsha Anderson that she should charge more money for the

upcoming museum fund-raiser slated for a 14th run this coming Sunday.

Afterward I thought to myself . . . was I guilty of the same elitist ploy

that I rail against in this column?

The answer is no. Anderson will chair the most spectacular fund-raiser

of the year for the museum. It will be extravagant. It will be original.

It will be artistic and dramatic. It’s purpose is to raise major funds to

support the museum. The price of admission should be substantial,

attracting those who are able to give to support art and culture in

Orange County on the ultimate level.

The fact that not all can afford the experience, does not make it

elitist, it makes it exclusive. And there is a difference.

We need to be smarter. We need to be more sensitive. We need to build

our society on values, not just images. It’s just fine to be glamorous.

Let’s also try to be more decent, more loving, more understanding. Let’s

be people of substance that also just happen to have great style, great

verve, and committed purpose to good and lasting impact on our society

through the work of charity and community.

* THE CROWD appears Thursdays and Saturdays.