STEVE SMITH -- What’s up

All of the Mother’s Day ads appearing in newspapers and magazines over

the past several weeks must be for other women who need to buy gifts for

their moms. No self-respecting guy is going to even start thinking abut

Mother’s Day until around midnight tonight.

You’ll see us on the road today. We’re the ones with the glassy eyes,

picking the leftovers off the store shelves in order to meet our

obligation to mom. Yes, there is the odd fellow or two who six months ago

arranged for a skywriter to log “ L-O-V-E Y-O-U” for mom in the skies

above, but the rest of us know that today is the day to get our tributes

in place. We’re the ones who are certain that Mother’s Day, thankfully,

falls on a Sunday because it’s easier to visit the flower shop on

Saturday.

I am guilty as charged. Try as I might, I fall into this group of

laggards. It’s not that we don’t love the moms in our lives any less,

we’re just not wired to take care of these things until we’re in the

panic mode.

That, I admit, is a shame, for our moms deserve more attention. From

November 1994 to November 1998, I was living as a modified version of an

at-home dad. I’ll spare you the details, it’s enough to state that by

December 1994, my kids were sick of me.

Moms have a way, a touch, that dads just don’t have. And although I

know it’s not politically correct to state, every dad reading this is

nodding his head in agreement. We’re not sure where their deft approach

comes from so we credit genetics, but the truth is that the pendulum

swings the other way, too; dads don’t seem to be able to master the

nurturing effect for any length of time.

Were it up to me, I’d celebrate Mother’s Day once a month and not

diminish it by ever mentioning the theory that the holiday may have been

started or supported by a greeting card company. But since it’s not my

tradition to change, I’m doing what I can in our home to make our

children understand how special moms are. So as a special gift to dads,

I’m offering a few tips on how to raise mom-friendly children, based on

my 10-year attempt: 1) Open the car door for mom. Old-fashioned? No, it’s a sign of

respect, something that takes only a moment to do but sends a powerful

message to children. Open all the other doors for her, too.

2) Touch her. When you’re passing in the hall, making dinner or

getting the kids ready for bed or to go somewhere together, give her a

pinch, a squeeze or a hug. These are signs of love and respect and anyone

who would describe them otherwise needs a long vacation.

3) Tell her in front of the kids how special she is. Do this on a

regular basis and do it especially when she isn’t around to hear it.

4) Hold her. That’s it, just hold her. Hold her in a loving way

without the expectation of anything else. Do this on a regular basis,

too.

Our home has an exceptional mother living here. From the moment over

11 years ago when she discovered she was expecting to today, Cay has

continued to amaze me with her energy and enthusiasm for being a mom. I

look at the two kids she has shaped, especially the future mom she is

preparing, and I am in awe of her, utterly impressed with her ability to

make the effort, day after day. Their is no strength on earth that

exceeds her drive to properly raise our children.

This week is a unique one for her. Tomorrow is Mother’s Day and

Tuesday is a special birthday. We’re celebrating several times next week

but it won’t begin to show her how much she means to our family or how

much the world depends on mothers like her to raise children the way they

do.

I ask that the Newport Beach and Costa Mesa police departments to keep

a special eye out for dads today. We’ll be pushing the envelope of that

red light trying to get to Fashion Island or South Coast Plaza in time,

or cruising through that stop to meet our obligation. When we meet,

please understand that our rolling eyes are not from booze, it’s panic.

The best thing you can do for us is not issue a citation but to remind us

that what mom really needs can’t be bought. It’s a look, a smile, a

touch. It’s the surprise phone call during the day just to say “hello,”

the soft way we should speak to them not just tomorrow but every day of

the year.

Thank you, moms.

* STEVE SMITH is a Costa Mesa resident and freelance writer. Readers

may leave a message for him on the Daily Pilot hotline at (949) 642-6086.