CINDY TRANE CHRISTESON -- The Moral of the Story

“All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel, Mother.”

-- Abraham Lincoln

“Contrary to what you may think, your mother did not wake up this

morning and ask herself, ‘How can I make my daughter’s life miserable

today?”’ I said to a room full of mothers and daughters. “And mothers,

that is not your daughter’s goal in life either.”

Everybody laughed. Last week, I spoke at a mother-daughter tea.The

group chose a garden theme, so I spoke about how to grow a healthy

relationship. As with any growing gardens, we need to know what to weed,

what to seed and what to feed for them to flourish.

I said that there is no other relationship quite like that of mother

and daughter. I acknowledged that some girls were muttering to themselves

with thoughts like, “Good thing, one of these relationships is more than

enough.” I also knew that some of the mothers were asking themselves,

“Did I put my mother through this?”

But I also knew that many of them had great relationships with one

another.

“Nobody knows you like your mom,” I said. “You were once a part of her

physically, but you’re still very connected emotionally. It is surprising

when we hear our mother’s words come out of our mouths or when we look in

the mirror and see our mother looking back at us.”

Once, when Kelly was younger, she gave me a big hug and said, “Mom, I

feel like I’ve known you my whole life.”

I smiled at her and said, “Well, as a matter of fact, honey, you

have.”

We both laughed.

God has blessed me abundantly in my relationship with my mother, as

well as my daughters. I love talking to them and being together is better

than eating dessert. I wanted to encourage the group to value their

relationships, to nourish and cherish them so that it is a bond, and not

a bind.

During adolescence, girls go back and forth between wanting

independence one minute, and mom’s comfort the next. It’s like learning a

new dance for everyone.

“Girls, it’s hard on us moms,” I explained. “We used to be your

heroes, the ones you wanted and cried out for. We knew and controlled

everything. But we’re not the center of your universe anymore. Sometimes

we aren’t even sure if we’re on the same planet.”

I reminded moms that in the blink of an eye they will be sending their

young women off to college. The words from “Sunrise, Sunset” from

“Fiddler on the Roof” ran through my mind.

I also encouraged them that they are headed to a new and special time

of friendship with their daughters. For my 40th birthday, Kelly and Amy

gave me an identification bracelet that I never take off. On the outside

it says “Mom,” inside it says, “Love Your Best Friends.” I will be buried

in that bracelet.

I’ve heard that we are all perfectly imperfect, therefore we will let

each other down. I said to grow their relationships with plenty of love,

grace, forgiveness, honesty and humor.

Obviously not everybody had or has ideal relationships. That is the

beauty of God. Not only is God perfectly perfect, he is also the perfect

parent.

And you can quote me on that.

* CINDY TRANE CHRISTESON is a Newport Beach resident who speaks

frequently to parenting groups. She may be reached via e-mail at o7

cindy@onthegrow.comf7 or through the mail at P.O. Box 6140-No. 505,

Newport Beach, CA 92658.