Fergie plays the crowd

Mathis Winkler

She probably could promote Styrofoam cups and the crowds would come

running.

Not that Sarah, Duchess of York, is likely to do such a thing any time

soon. On Tuesday, her cause du jour was “very British” china.

And as she told a mostly female audience numbering in the hundreds at

Macy’s South Coast Plaza, the American habit of “drinking tea from the

Styrofoam cup with the bag hanging out” was “absolutely disgusting” to

her.

Even those words of admonishment only drew laughter and applause from

listeners, who burst out in applause when Prince Andrew’s ex-wife thanked

the American people for giving her daughters their mother back.

After her divorce, “I had nothing left,” she said. “I had my two

girls. I didn’t know where to turn. . . . I was full of self-hatred.”

Enter the Americans, who welcomed her and also helped her to pay off

her debts.

“I have had a few financial difficulties,” she said. “But don’t you

believe it was that big. . . . I want to thank you for helping me.”

The duchess then turned her attention to Wedgwood china, which she had

come to sell, after all.

“I think that diet food tastes a lot nicer on a pretty plate,” she

said, referring to one of her other roles as a promoter of diet programs.

Racing across the stage to engage those who were stuck with seats on

the side, she handed out vases, plates and “creamers,” as she called them

with a thick American accent.

“I am quite flippant, as you can see,” said the duchess, more commonly

known as Fergie.

She talked about breakfast at home with the girls and a birthday party

she’d arranged for her ex-husband, who still lives in the same home.

“We are the happiest divorced couple in the world,” she said, adding

that there were no servants on hand to help out in the morning.

“I’m a very hands-on mom,” she said.

Asked when she’d last seen her daughters just before going on stage,

the duchess said that would have been Sunday. And with Mother’s Day

celebrated in England March 25, the two princesses had already brought

their mother breakfast in bed weeks earlier.

And while abroad, she’s still following the London murder trial of

Jane Andrews, who is accused of killing her lover. Andrews used to work

as the duchess’ dresser.

“It’s a very sad story for everybody concerned,” she said.

As the line to get Sarah’s signature on a piece of chinaware meandered

through the store and far into the mall, those who had come to see the

duchess seemed still in awe.

“I just wanted to see her in person,” said Pam Utheim, who had just

moved to Lakewood from Washington state a few days before. “I admire her

very much. She has done a wonderful job, and we can all do that if we

need to.”

Cindy Keens, who had come down from Simi Valley, had already gotten

her signature.

The duchess, however, wanted her to stay to get a picture taken, Keens

said, beaming, adding that she’d met Sarah before.

“I’ll hang out till 5 or 6 or whenever,” she said.

Back at the end of the line, Nadine Bodner of Fullerton said she

didn’t really know what she was doing here.

But “I don’t know of a duchess or princess ever having been around

here,” she said. “I thought I’d go for it. She seems to be great fun. But

I don’t think I’d want to live her life.”