CINDY TRANE CHRISTESON -- The Moral of the Story

“We should behave to our friends as we would wish our friends to

behave to us.”

-- Aristotle

In last week’s column I wrote about the impact and influence of

mother-daughter relationships. Ideally there is a beautiful bond. As one

young woman said to me lately, “Who else knows you like your mom, who

understands what you don’t even say?”

I finished the column with the reminder that no matter what kind of

relationship we have or had with our parents, we all have access to God,

the perfect parent.

I mentioned speaking to a group about mother-daughter relationships. I

kept with their gardening theme, and spoke about what to weed, seed and

feed these relationships to help them blossom.

Many people have asked what those ingredients are, and since they

clearly affect the quality of all relationships, I will elaborate. Due to

space, however, I only chose one quality in each area.

We need to weed out unrealistic expectations. This means we accept one

another. Once when Amy was little, she shared how she felt about

something, and I made the mistake of saying, “Oh, honey, you don’t really

feel that way.”

Her little shoulders slumped, along with her face and she said, “But,

Mommy. It is how I feel. Why can’t I feel how I do and not how you want

me to?”

That was such wise insight from such a little person. I apologized,

said a quick prayer about what to say next and asked her to tell me what

she was feeling. Fortunately, she was able to do so.

In any of our relationships, we need the freedom to express our

feelings, and know they will be valued. God made each one of us as a

one-of-a-kind creation, so of course we will feel and view things in our

own unique ways. We can learn so much from one another. I wouldn’t want a

world full of people identical to me.

An essential ingredient to seed into our relationships is love.

Obviously only God’s love is unconditional, but we need to do all we can

to have the kind of love that is both honest as well as forgiving. Two of

the most powerful words in the English language are, “I’m sorry.”

The health of our relationships reflects the quality of love that is

shared. One friend shared a difficult struggle, and when she finished she

said, “I knew I could tell you all my garbage, and you’d love me just the

same.”

“That’s what you do for me all the time,” I answered.

One final trait to feed relationships for healthy growth is humor.

Sometimes we need to lighten up a bit and laugh more, even if it is at

ourselves. I read somewhere that just seconds of belly laughing is equal

to the cardiovascular benefit of a three-minute aerobic workout. That

sounds like a lot more fun to me.

A quote that sums it up well by Guillermo Mordillo is, “After God

created the world, He made man and woman. Then, to keep the whole thing

from collapsing, He invented humor.”

Obviously there are many more traits that affect the quality of our

relationships. But a good question to ask is, “Am I the kind of friend

I’d like to have?”

And you can quote me on that.

* CINDY TRANE CHRISTESON is a Newport Beach resident who speaks

frequently to parenting groups. She may be reached via e-mail at o7

cindy@onthegrow.comf7 or through the mail at P.O. Box 6140-No. 505,

Newport Beach, CA 92658.