REEL CRITICS -- ALLEN MACDONALD

With the arrival of “Pearl Harbor,” last month, it’s clear director

Michael Bay and producer Jerry Bruckheimer are striving for the respect

that has alluded their previous collaborations “Bad Boys,” “The Rock” and

“Armageddon.” From the movie’s first frame, it’s clear this was intended

to be an “important” film.

Unfortunately, Bay and Bruckheimer have instead delivered a bloated,

uneven motion picture centering around a shamelessly cliched love story.

The stronger than oak boyhood bond between Rafe McCawley (Ben Affleck)

and Danny Walker (Josh Hartnett) is quickly set up in the early scenes.

Their mutual dream of a life among the clouds is soon realized when they

become pilots in the Army Air Corps. It would seem nothing could drive a

wedge between them. Enter the alluring Evelyn Johnson (Kate Beckinsale),

volunteer nurse and the final corner of the love triangle that will pit

the men against each other.

This is a story we’ve seen before, and therefore, it offers few

surprises. Rafe meets Evelyn and they fall hopelessly in love. Only Rafe

has volunteered to join the British war effort and must leave the very

next day. Evelyn promises to wait for him.

But each plot turn becomes increasingly predictable. For instance,

when Rafe is reportedly shot down and killed in a dog fight, do we

honestly believe top-billed star Affleck has really died a mere 40

minutes into a three-hour film? Do we doubt for a second that Danny and

Evelyn will soon seek comfort from their mourning in each other’s arms?

Not likely.

It is only when the famed attack that provides the title finally

commences at the 90-minute point that “Pearl Harbor” begins to show some

signs of life. Bay is clearly most at home in the action arena. The

battle sequences are breathtaking in their sweeping scope, brilliantly

capturing the destruction in all its bloody, dizzying, chaotic horror.

Many comparisons have been drawn with “Titanic.” But where that movie

succeeded by creating two flesh and blood characters whose relationship

deepened as we followed them through tragedy, “Pearl Harbor” falls short

since the moment the actions starts, the character development ends.

Rafe, Danny and Evelyn are stock characters simply acting as fixtures

scattered at separate locations, allowing us to conveniently cut between

them. By the time the love story picks back up, the momentum has been

lost, and so has our attention span.

Affleck and Beckinsale achieve a degree of credibility in their roles,

but it’s Hartnett as Danny that shines brightest. He rings true as a boy

in that difficult transition to manhood, tripping among the many pitfalls

of love, emoting very real internal torment when the presumed dead

Affleck returns to reclaim the same woman Danny himself has now fallen

for.

The film feels tacked on, a fractured attempt to deliver a happier

ending than the events of Dec. 7, 1941 offered, reminding us that the

filmmakers were likely more interested in box office results than

underscoring the human cost of that particular moment in history.

o7 Rated PG-13 for sustained intense war sequences, images of

wounded, brief sensuality and some language.

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* ALLEN MacDONALD, 28, is working toward his master’s degree in

screenwriting from the American Film Institute in Los Angeles.

‘The Animal’ lacks all magnetismWith the exception of seeing

Colleen from “Survivor,” “The Animal” is a very short, crude and

disturbing comedy that has little going for it. The premise of a man

being put back together with animal parts would seem to offer loads of

ammunition for good comedic situations. But all we get is horse snorting

and toilet humor. And of course, the now obligatory old lady kicking

someone’s butt.

It has a few funny scenes, but we’ve seen most of them in the

trailers. The disturbing part was the under current of animal violence

running through the last half-hour. It had a kind of

werewolf/Frankenstein flavor to it.

The story is about Marvin (Rob Schneider), a hapless loser who works

as a police evidence clerk. His main goal in life is to become a “real”

policeman like his father, who was killed in the line of duty. The

problem is he just can’t seem to pass police training, especially the

obstacle course. To make things worst, one super cop, Sgt. Doug Sisk

(John McGinley), keeps rubbing his nose in it.

Left alone at the police station, he gets a 911 call. Unable to reach

anyone he decides to handle it himself. While juggling a portable phone,

he loses control and his car careens over a cliff. He realizes he’s hurt

pretty badly and dozes off. In a dream state, he sees lots of different

animals and a doctor looking down on him.

He wakes up back at his car not realizing what has happened. But when

he saves a boy using his heightened animal powers and beats out a horse

in a race, he starts to wonder. As it turns out, the doctor is a mad

scientist who has put him back together using animal parts.

While snatching a Frisbee away from a dog, he meets Rianna (Colleen

Haskell), an animal activist. They start seeing each other, but the

romance seems in trouble. Marvin just can’t control his animal

tendencies.

Schneider has his funny moments. And Colleen, a “Survivor” heartthrob,

does a good job as his warm, understanding and of course, very cute

girlfriend. But the best laughs come from Marvin’s black friend, who

associates every reaction to him, good or bad as reverse discrimination.

Ed Asner makes an appearance, as do a couple of Schneider’s “Saturday

Night Live” alumni. None of which helped much.

At the end of the 83-minute movie, Marvin wakes up realizing he

doesn’t know where he was last night or what he did. Some animal

carcasses are discovered, and there is a report of a hunter being

attacked. Marvin fits the description perfectly, so he flees. The movie

gets more interesting at this point, but then starts to unravel.

To sum it up, if you’re a “Survivor” fan, a definite must see.

Everyone else, you’re on your own. On my belly-laugh meter it gets a 1.5,

and on my rating scale it gets a C+. The plus is for Colleen.

o7 Rated PG-13 for some crude and sexual humor.

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* CLEM DOMINGUEZ, 57, is an aspiring screenwriter and film fanatic.

Look away if watching ‘Angel Eyes’

HIS VIEW:

If you are looking for a good date movie, one where there’s romance

for her and car chases for him, “Angel Eyes” is not the movie for you.

Not even a dozen gratuitous, extreme close-ups of Jennifer Lopez could

save the movie for me (and don’t even think you’ll get a little nudity

out of it).

The movie opens with policewoman Lopez saving the life of some

never-seen accident victim. She spends the next hour figuring out what

the audience surmised in five minute: the hunky, mysterious stranger whom

she falls for was the accident victim. As soon as Lopez has been

establish as a tough talking female cop who can hang with her male

co-workers, we never hear or see her as a police office again.

We spend the second half of the movie wondering why a woman with such

personal issues with domestic violence would fall for an obvious ticking

time bomb of a man. The other question that kept running through my mind

was why would a beautiful, strong woman with a thousand outfits date a

lonely drifter who wears only a dirty black trench coat. The director

apparently wanted to make a statement against domestic violence (is

anyone making movies with a pro-domestic violence message?) but bogs it

down with throwaway characters and tedious pacing.

It is so slow and ponderous, that you really have to love the actors

to stay until the end. This movie is awful.

HER VIEW:

I can’t believe I sat through all of this movie. It was so slow, the

story line so stupid that as I sat there I was thinking, “Is it the

script, her, (Jennifer Lopez) him (Jim Caviezel) or the combination that

is not working for me?

OK, I think there was a plot in there somewhere so let me give you the

brief synopsis and save you the $8 plus two hours of your time. Lopez

(sorry, I meant J.Lo) plays a Chicago cop with a Bronx accent and a

dysfunctional family that happens to be Caucasian (no, I’m not joking).

She’s a tough babe who can’t sleep at night, can’t get along with her

family -- you don’t find out why until an hour into the movie and by then

you’re thinking “who cares and what is the point?” -- and she seems to

have intimacy issues with men.

She rescues a man (Caviezel) from a car accident and a year later they

meet -- although neither can recall the fateful accident -- and fall in

love. She tries to help him cure his intimacy issues because it turns out

he lost his whole family in that very same car accident.

I usually like movies that are somewhat unrealistic, but this one was

way too unreal for me. It had its moments but in general, the story line

just didn’t flow. The best part was drooling at Caviezel’s beautiful

eyes. But is that worth my time and money?

I think I’ll download a picture instead.

o7 Rated R for language, violence and a scene of sexuality.

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* CRAIG VON FREYMANN, 33, Is an avid surfer who enjoys the quality of

life and numerous leisure activities the city offers. ANGELA LEE, 31, is

an avid moviegoer. Both recently received their master’s degrees at UC

Irvine.

‘Moulin Rouge’ gives flavor to movie musicalSatine, a beautiful

courtesan (Nicole Kidman) must choose between being in love but poor with

the penniless Christian (Ewan McGregor), or being rich but possessed by a

jealous coldhearted duke. This familiar story is resurrected and

transformed under the direction of Baz Luhrmann (“Romeo and Juliet” and

“Strictly Ballroom.”)

Set in 1900 in the underbelly of Paris, the Moulin Rouge is a

gathering place where the upper class congregate to satisfy their sexual

appetites and where struggling artists band together to create truth,

beauty and above all else, love. All things desired arrive at once for

the local inhabitants but not without a price or sacrifice to make. Love

or fame and fortune. Freedom or captivity. Heaven or hell.

“Moulin Rouge” is a kaleidoscopic mix and match of movie magic. It

incorporates inventive camera techniques from the likes of Orson Wells’

“Citizen Kane,” etc., with the wizardry of modern technology. The

combination pulls moviegoers in and out of the past and present story

line at breathtaking speed. The camera’s mobility of speeding through

streets and doors, scurrying over roof tops and distorting proportions of

people and places, transports the story from what the characters are

doing to what they are feeling and emotionally experiencing.

“Moulin Rouge” is a cultural musical. Although set in 1900, the music

is a collage of contemporary artists whose songs touch on the unifying

and coveted theme of love equally appropriate and fitting in 1900 or

2000. Kidman and McGregor, as well as the supporting cast, singers and

non-singers alike bring the music to life, giving new energy to a genre

that has fallen out of favor with the public since “Rocky Horror Picture

Show.”

“Moulin Rouge” is not for every one. It’s lightheartedness slips back

and forth between the seedy, greedy darker side of life. It’s MTV edits

and multiple flashes of the Cancan dancer’s undergarments aren’t going to

entertain or appeal to everyone.

o7 Rated PG-13 for sexual content.

f7 * PEGGY J. ROGERS, 29, produces commercial videos and

documentaries.